The year was 1987. I was six years old, and there was a huge opportunity coming up that could greatly advance my acting career.
The Homeschool Christmas play.
I desperately desired the part of Mary. There was nothing more in the WORLD that I wanted to do with my life than to play Mary in this ever-prestigious production. I practiced my part in the privacy of my room – looking holy, quiet, and angelic while clasping my hands and adoring my baby doll. I had it down pat.
The day for casting came. I couldn’t wait to find out that I would get chosen for the part as Mary!
They announced – it would be Rachel…Tingles went up my spine…and then they said the last name.
It was another Rachel.
She was two years older than me, with beautiful blond curly hair, gorgeous blue eyes, and a perfect Cindy Crawford lip freckle – the kind that we all wanted in the 80’s.
I was devastated. Sure, she was more beautiful than me, but come on, people – we all know that Mary wasn’t a blond!
Was it the freckle? Because I can draw one on.
Hey – at least I wasn’t the Donkey.
And really, I was lucky NOT to be the Donkey, as it appears that it was in my genes:
I wonder what my Mom’s reaction was when my Dad suggested that costume pairing….
At any rate, back to the play.
My part in the play would be to look on
enviously adoringly as Mary portrayed her holy hand-clasped self, and then when Away in a Manger got to the line about “The Cattle are Lowing”, I had my big debut: I was to lay down.
…but I was so distracted by being jealous of Mary that I totally forgot to lay down – the donkey had to remind me. I was completely mortified for the rest of the play at my not meeting my own performance expectations. I didn’t deserve to be Mary.
I really missed my acting career opportunity – if only I could have gotten on with Chick-Fil-A at the beginning of their cow campaigns, I could have realized my potential after all.
Oddly enough, the donkey looked even more smug.
Obviously, she had lower expectations of her acting career than I did.
If you’re in the Birmingham area and would like to go to a much higher quality Christmas play than the one above, our Church is performing one of my favorite childhood Christmas stories, “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever”, this Sunday, December 13th at 10 am. Click here for details. And don’t worry, I’m not in it showcasing my amazing bovine acting abilities.