My brain is quite scattered today, as my poor sweet husband has had the stomach flu. He is feeling better now, but it was bad enough to make him go to the doctor for only the third time in our 8 years of marriage.

He caved and went for the express purpose to rule out the possibility of having The Flu Who Must Not Be Named.

And, thank goodness, he had no flu of any kind, so now we’re just hoping that Ali and I don’t catch his 24 hour stomach bug.

But due to the extreme rarity of Chris getting sick (which I make up for and then some, as you might have noticed), I’ve been reminiscing about the last time Chris got a stomach flu: the weekend after we found out that I was pregnant with Ali.

Of course, we were scared to death that I would get it, but I thankfully just stuck to the nausea already gifted to me by pregnancy.

But all this thinking got me going down memory lane…

As I have mentioned before, it took us a good two years to get pregnant.

Which means that I peed on approximately 367 sticks until one finally turned up positive.

Somewhere around stick #213, I pretty much believed that I would never see a positive result, so I almost quit looking at them. It became more of a hobby at that point.

I found ways to cut costs on my new stick-peeing hobby, which primarily consisted of buying my pregnancy tests by the truckload from a great internet site for less than $2 a test. But every now and then, I’d buy some on sale somewhere else – you know, just to mix it up a bit.

After all, no one wants a boring hobby.

The first week of May 2006, I wasn’t feeling well. As usual, I added up all of my symptoms, figured out how they could all point to me being pregnant, and pulled out one of the different tests that I’d bought on clearance at CVS.

As usual, it was negative. No big surprise.

However, a couple of days later, I was feeling worse and worse. I was nauseous, exhausted, and QUITE emotional. My boss made me cry at work, something I’d done maybe one other time in my 8 years at the company.

After regaining my composure in the ladies’ room and returning to his office, he had the nerve wisdom to say, “Maybe you’re pregnant…you should take a test tonight.”

(In his defense, he knew we’d been trying to get pregnant for the last century and a half.)

I blubbered, “I took a test on Tuesday. It was negative.”

“Take another one. You never know.”

So, since I was given an excuse to blow another test (“My boss told me to!!”), I pulled out the other test from that same clearance two-pack that night and headed to the bathroom to commence my favorite hobby.

I was looking at the instructions on the wrapper on the way, and I stopped.

I stared.

And I screamed.

“Chris!!!! Come here!!!!!”

He ran up the stairs, panicked at the urgency of my tone.

“What? What??! Are you okay?”

“Yes! Ireadthetestwrong! I took a test on Tuesday and I read it wrong!!!! I’m PREGNANT!!!”

“What?? You take those things all the time. You know how to read them. Are you sure?”

“Yes! I thought that a positive result was a + and a –, but on this brand of test, a positive is a – and a –!”

At this point, we’re both beaming with disbelief and shock.

We said at the same time “Take another one just to be sure.”

So I did – I managed to somehow find it within myself (and my bladder) to take several more tests.

Plus, it was just so much fun to actually PASS one of those dang tests, I figured I better enjoy it while I could.

And so, the legacy that I give Ali in all of this is, despite my experience as being one of the most pregnancy tested women in the world, I still couldn’t manage to read it correctly when correct reading was really needed.

Greek Pregnancy Test

Luckily for her, she seems to have inherited her Father’s extra-careful, anally-thorough genes.

(And yes, my boss was, and still is, QUITE proud of himself for predicting my progeny.)

18 thoughts on “Sometimes, Practice Just Makes Unfit.

  1. Haha, this was great.

    Mother nature decided to play a trick on me this past week…not cool mother nature…and I had to take one as well. It was only my second time though. Maybe one day i'll be as experienced as you at peeing on sticks :P Although for my husband's sanity, I'm sure I won't!

  2. OK, I totally thought you were about to announce you're pregnant. I feel let down…. Could you just go ahead and get pregnant again so I can get fired up again?? Thanks!

  3. You had me. I totally thought you were about to say that you were pregnant. Then my ticking sound would have gotten even louder!

  4. I have taken so many of those tests I should have bought stock in EPT.

    And look what came of all those tests! An Ali.

  5. That is great. With my second boy, we took two test in one night. Only our's were the ones that say "pregnant" and " not pregnant" let's just say I wasn't taking my chances of reading it wrong!

  6. What a sweet story! I love good surprises!

    With my last pregnancy I took the test at work (a Christian elementary and high school) after buying it on the way to work. I got so excited, I almost threw the wrapper away in the girl's bathroom. Can you imagine the commotion in the office the next day if a pregnancy test wrapper had been found in the girl's bathroom?

  7. I'll admit. I totally thought this was an "I'm pregnant" post too.

    You trying to keep us on our toes? :)

    I remember taking the bajillion pregnancy tests. They would have them at the dollar store every now and then, and I would get awful stares when I pulled into the check out lane with a cart full of them.

  8. Me, too!! I saw that stick and thought some excited thoughts before I realized this was about your previous experience with pregnancy tests. Though, we're very happy you got that positive. Haha! I remember thinking I would never see a positive sign and that was only after 4 or 5 months so kudos to you for hanging in there. Ali was sure worth the wait!

  9. You had us all fooled, woman! So glad after your major investment in pregnancy tests, that God gave you your precious Ali.

    Just curious, do you still have some of that stock? And, have you been known to partake in your hobby lately? Now I'm getting nosy.

  10. I've only used preg tests that spell positive and negative, however, in case you get into the "I need to take a pregnancy test daily" mode again, I've heard they sell pregnancy test at the Dollar Tree. And I don't know if they read +/- or spell the words out.

  11. It's good to know there are some really cheap places to get those tests, I could not believe how expensive they were!
    So glad the Lord blessed y'all with such a sweet child, hope He has more children in your future :)

    With both of my pregnancies I got up really early in the morning to take a test (or 2 or 3) while Ryan was asleep so I could surprise him with the news when he woke up ;)

  12. Great post! I really haven't taken too many of them b/c it always made me so depressed that T didn't want me to.

    It took us 13 months to get pregnant with K and 8 months with this one. There were several times with both that I thought for sure I was and took a test, only to get a negative.

    I actually didn't even realize I was pregnant this time until I was already 7 weeks b/c my cycle is so irregular and I had taken a (negative) test the month before and been upset for days.

    I love to think about the fact that if I had gotten pregnant one month sooner or one month later than it wouldn't have been K. God definitely knew exactly who we needed and made us wait for the right baby. :)

  13. I have a pregnancy test taking addiction too:) I am NOT kidding…LOL! I'll have to check out that internet site:)

  14. Ha ha….I saw your tweet about folks thinking your were preggers before I had a chance to come read the post. Another great one. And you are totally on the bump watch, my friend!

  15. When I was in the market, those things couldn't be had for less than $15 or so. I didn't know dollar stores carried them and such.

    Ok, now are you starting to get baby fever again?

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