So I heeded all of your advice and went to the doctor yesterday. I’ve been meaning to go to a real, live Ear Nose and Throat specialist for my phlegm for months but just haven’t made the time. However, it’s gotten much worse lately (and I really prefer being able to breathe when laying down to go to sleep at night), so that, combined with my completely debilitating mouth sores put me over the top.

And I must say, waiting for a doctor’s visit is made immensely more pleasant with the dawning of the Twitter craze. Having 500 friends at the doctor’s office to talk to via my cell phone was MUCH more entertaining than reading year-old magazines about subjects I that care nothing about or staring at ugly, peeling, wallplastic (why can’t doctor’s offices just have wallPAPER??)

(Yes, there was a “TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES PLEASE” sign on the front door, on the receptionist’s door, on the door back to the rooms, and on the front and back of all exam room doors, but I determined that what those signs really meant was to put your phone on silent. Right?)

Anyway, I was in room eight. As they led me down the hall, I peeked in each room. 1…2…3…each was different, and looked cruel and torturey in it’s own unique, diabolical way. This was no ordinary doctor’s’ office.

Then we arrived to my chamber cell dungeon room. It was frightening.

First, there was the Half Dental, Half Frankenstein chair:IMG_2225

Then, the instrument table:IMG_2227

I was pretty sure I knew what this was for:IMG_2230

But THIS scared me:IMG_2231

Especially those pointy crooked scissors in the special case. What’s he going to do – stick it up my throat and cut my sinuses out?? Periscoping scissors should be outlawed.

But what REALLY scared me was this shelf:IMG_2228

Which happened to be right below this:IMG_2229

Yes, I’ve come to the wrong place. This is no ENT office, this is where the Linda Douglass is torturing all of those people who are spreading false rumors about the Proposed Health Care Plan.

And then I notice this on the door:IMG_2234

Yeah. As IF I’m going to try that stuff out on MYSELF.

(Luckily it didn’t say that you weren’t allowed to photograph the scene of the crimes.)

So, in an Official Apples to Apples Comparison of my trip to the gastroenterologist’s office for my gall stones last year with this trip, the instruments that an ENT specialist uses are much scarier, but the location of which the Gastroenterologist’s instruments are used is much more frightening (luckily for me, gallstones are in the STOMACH, not, well, lower.)

So, the most inhumane doctor in the world would be an Ear, Nose, Throat, and Gastroenterology specialist.

ANYWAY, since I know you’re all just DYING to know what’s wrong with me, he told me that my sinuses were in great shape (Why thank you, they’ve been working out a lot), so it is either allergies or reflux (which sounds like a weird diagnosis, but would also explain the mouth ulcers), so he’s given me a medicinal regime to help and to determine which it is and treat it.

Which happens to be making me very sleepy. And besides that, I’m still unable to eat or talk or breathe due to my still growing and worsening mouth ulcers. So please excuse me while I go sleep for the next two weeks until the medicines do their job and prove what is wrong with me.

In which I’ll be having nightmares of dungeons, wall shackles, and periscoping scissors.

14 thoughts on “My Trip to the Torture Chamber.

  1. YOu poor thing. Nothing worse than a mommy who doesn't feel good. Eddie has ulcers in his mouth quite frequently. He was told it's related to stress. The sores usually show up after he's been through a lot of stress. He HATES them. Not to mention that it get in the way when we want to "make out"! Kinda hard to do some serious kissing when your mouth is full of sores. Keep us up to date on how the meds work. Praying for ya!

  2. Ugh. You are giving me flashbacks from an ENT visit I had a few years ago. There was one of those weird, curvy scope things involved. ::Shudder::

    On a lighter note, our ENT in Winfield recently was featured on "Late Show with David Letterman" when his photograph was shown in a segment called "Guys that kinda look like Dave."

    I hope your meds do the trick. Rest up!

  3. We know every ENT in the area. . .and not just because I'm a speech-language pathologist. Kyler's looking at another round of tubes now. . .(BTW, many of those are used tools are used for getting stuff out of ears, etc.)

  4. The worst thing that's ever happened to me involving my E's N or T was the flu test. That's saying a lot because I've had some horrific tonsil problems in my life. Ever had a flu test?

  5. I'm sorry girl! In my own experience ulcers are related to a lack of green foods in my diet. If I start to get them I grab some alfalfa from the health food store and take 4 to 6 per meal.
    I hope you feel better. I know that mouth sores are miserable!

  6. I'm sorry girl! In my own experience ulcers are related to a lack of green foods in my diet. If I start to get them I grab some alfalfa from the health food store and take 4 to 6 per meal.
    I hope you feel better. I know that mouth sores are miserable!

  7. They should not have those things laying out like that as soon as you come in the room. They obviously haven't read the latest studies on how to put your patient's mind and nerves at ease with an inviting, non-threatening environment.

    At my dentist's office, each hygienist is able to decorate their "room" to their taste. Most of them are just basic, pretty, dentist offices. But one of them makes me think I'm in a spa when I go in. She has soft lights, a sound machine instead of a blaring TV, the decor makes you feel relaxed, AND she massages your gums after cleaning them. I know that sounds weird, but it makes the stinging feeling that I have after they've cleaned mine with the sharp, pointy things go away completely!

    That ENT office should take some lessons.

    And to the other Rachel that left a comment about flu tests: Yes, I have had a flu test, and they are pure torture – especially when you are running a fever of 103.

  8. Yikes! I admire you for not running from that room without looking back! I now know to never go to an ENT, it looks way more scary than just a plain old dentist…who, to me, is pretty dang scary! I hope the medicine helps!

  9. I totally relate! Had to finish your article to see if I needed to make that trip! No wonder I have to sleep on 2 pillows and keep Rolaids beside my bed! You just saved my a trip to the ENT!

  10. I am telling you, you really should be a writer and not an accountant. How can anyone make a trip to the doc so interesting and funny.

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