Just Another Typical Bathroom Visit.

Conference Room

After Ali goes to bed at night, Chris and I often get deep into conversations, and we tend to follow each other around the house talking while doing whatever we’re doing. And sometimes, in the middle of these conversations, I interrupt and say, “I’d like to go pee, and do it without talking. I’ll be back.”

He always looks at me with this odd look on his face, wondering why this is a new quirk of mine. So, for his sake, and for those of you without young children to experience this fun (or those of you who might have forgotten), I transcribed a typical during-the-day bathroom visit on Thursday.

(No, I wasn’t sitting there transcribing, I just made mental notes to remember it all and typed it all up right afterward. For posterity’s sake, you know.)

Me: “I’m going to tee tee in the potty. I’ll be back.”

I disappear. About a half a second later, Ali rounds the corner and pushes the door open.

Ali: “Hey, What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m tee teeing in the potty.”

Ali runs around the corner back from whence she came. Half a second later, back around to me.

Ali: “So, what’s going on?”

I ignore the overly-obvious-really-just-meant-to-fill-the-silent-space question.

Ali: “So where are Ashley, David and AJ?”

Me: “They’re at their house.”

Obviously, this was a test question to see if I would take the time to actually answer accurately, because she followed up, very suspiciously, with,

Ali: “DAVID’S at home?”

Me: “No, David’s probably at work.”

Ali: “Yes.He is. Where are Ashley and AJ?”

Me: “They’re at home” (hoping that Ali doesn’t have E.S.P. to know that AJ is ACTUALLY at the Mall with her Granddad, but I was really just wanting to answer the question as quickly as possible so that I can FINISH what I’m doing and MOVE ON. Besides the fact that my mouth is in intense pain and talking isn’t much fun.)

Ali, suspiciously: “AJ is at home???”

Me: (sigh) “No, AJ is at the mall with her Daddy Chuck.”
(How DOES she sense these things?!?!)

Ali: “So where is Ashley?”

Me: “Ashley IS at home, holding Baby Tessa.”

Ali seems to finally approve of my accuracy. She runs back from whence she came. I breathe a sigh of relief. Then, half a second later, she runs back around.

Ali: “So, what’s going on?”

Me: “I’m TRYING to tee tee in the potty.”

Ali: “I’m going for a trip under the table.” (as she is disappearing again)

Me, calling after her: “Okay, have a good trip!”

She runs back around the corner to give me more details. (To find her if I miss her, I suppose.)

Ali: “I’m going to Alabama and Tennessee under the table.”

Me (finally flushing the toilet): “Okay, have fun!!!”

And THAT, husbands of the world, is why when women become Mommies, they all of a sudden prefer a bit of privacy.