Conference Room

After Ali goes to bed at night, Chris and I often get deep into conversations, and we tend to follow each other around the house talking while doing whatever we’re doing. And sometimes, in the middle of these conversations, I interrupt and say, “I’d like to go pee, and do it without talking. I’ll be back.”

He always looks at me with this odd look on his face, wondering why this is a new quirk of mine. So, for his sake, and for those of you without young children to experience this fun (or those of you who might have forgotten), I transcribed a typical during-the-day bathroom visit on Thursday.

(No, I wasn’t sitting there transcribing, I just made mental notes to remember it all and typed it all up right afterward. For posterity’s sake, you know.)

Me: “I’m going to tee tee in the potty. I’ll be back.”

I disappear. About a half a second later, Ali rounds the corner and pushes the door open.

Ali: “Hey, What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m tee teeing in the potty.”

Ali runs around the corner back from whence she came. Half a second later, back around to me.

Ali: “So, what’s going on?”

I ignore the overly-obvious-really-just-meant-to-fill-the-silent-space question.

Ali: “So where are Ashley, David and AJ?”

Me: “They’re at their house.”

Obviously, this was a test question to see if I would take the time to actually answer accurately, because she followed up, very suspiciously, with,

Ali: “DAVID’S at home?”

Me: “No, David’s probably at work.”

Ali: “Yes.He is. Where are Ashley and AJ?”

Me: “They’re at home” (hoping that Ali doesn’t have E.S.P. to know that AJ is ACTUALLY at the Mall with her Granddad, but I was really just wanting to answer the question as quickly as possible so that I can FINISH what I’m doing and MOVE ON. Besides the fact that my mouth is in intense pain and talking isn’t much fun.)

Ali, suspiciously: “AJ is at home???”

Me: (sigh) “No, AJ is at the mall with her Daddy Chuck.”
(How DOES she sense these things?!?!)

Ali: “So where is Ashley?”

Me: “Ashley IS at home, holding Baby Tessa.”

Ali seems to finally approve of my accuracy. She runs back from whence she came. I breathe a sigh of relief. Then, half a second later, she runs back around.

Ali: “So, what’s going on?”

Me: “I’m TRYING to tee tee in the potty.”

Ali: “I’m going for a trip under the table.” (as she is disappearing again)

Me, calling after her: “Okay, have a good trip!”

She runs back around the corner to give me more details. (To find her if I miss her, I suppose.)

Ali: “I’m going to Alabama and Tennessee under the table.”

Me (finally flushing the toilet): “Okay, have fun!!!”

And THAT, husbands of the world, is why when women become Mommies, they all of a sudden prefer a bit of privacy.

15 thoughts on “Just Another Typical Bathroom Visit.

  1. It's even worse as children get older. Then you are yelling to one another through a closed bathroom door. It's the "no privacy for Mom years". Mom

  2. Grayson doesn't say anything…he just stands there and watches me. Sometimes that can be worse…performance anxiety.

  3. You know, I can so relate to this. I have five young'uns that have followed me into the bathroom, at one time or another, to have a little useless conversation. All the while they are probably just checking out how we do that potty thing personally.

  4. That's so funny & so true!
    Luke is getting very curious about the potty, he always wants to look in it, all around it & try to flush it, maybe he'll potty train early…haha!

  5. Oh how i understand all too well! I have a 4 year old and a 3 years old not to mention i am 6 months pregnant so i make plenty of trips to said conference room. Each time i recieve a visit from one of 2 said children and a conversation that is both pointless and unneeded follows. I suspect this will be the norm for at least another 5 or so years.

    Hubby on the other hand always closes and locks the door so he has no clue as to what i am refering when i pull my hair and scream, "I just want to do my business in peace and quiet"!

  6. I remember my oldest three sliding little toys and little pieces of paper under the door. James does not do that though. He just barges right in and says "whatcha doing Momma?" over and over and over. I have tried to ignore him, but it doesn't work. Some times he crawls up in my lap even. I'm thinking by the time all these kids are big enough to leave me alone in the bathroom I will be so old I will need someone to help me to the bathroom. I will never have any privacy!

  7. So true, so true! Harris finally has the concept of needing privacy when we go to the bathroom, but now Amy Beth enjoys coming in to see what's going on, and David still likes to visit, too.

    David will knock on the door, open it (without waiting on a reply), and say, "Mommy, I need to tell you something." Me: "What is it David?" David: "Ummm…..ummmm….ummmm….I love you Mommy!"

    I know he's just using that for "filler" because he really doesn't have something to say, but I'll take it!

  8. That is great and funny. Wait til she is fully potty trained but wants you in there with her all the time.

  9. That sounds like what it's like when I'm babysitting Prudence.I just started talking her to the bathroom with me.I've just gotten used to it.

  10. And you can't shut the door b/c then they just pound on it and try to get it open and ask you questions even louder and panic if you don't answer in .5 seconds!

  11. That is hilarious and I have to admit that even though I am not a mom, having spend alot of time at my sister's with my 10 month nephew, I get it. He doesn't understand why I close the door and sits there and bangs on the door til I am done.

  12. I've actually gone the opposite direction. J.C. and I have always been closed door pee-ers. Now, however, it's not worth listening to the screaming toddler beating on the door every time I go in there, so I just leave it open. J.C. still finds it worth it to have a little privacy, so he maintains his closed door peeing status.

  13. Oh my! So, so true. Luke even runs in ahead of me and points to the toilet, just in case I have forgotten where it is. Today, he said bye and headed towards the door, only to close it and stay in the bathroom! Sheesh!

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