When the 80’s fashions came back in style a couple of years ago, it didn’t bother me.

Sure, they were horrid and ugly and I couldn’t understand who would want to wear them and all that, but it wasn’t personal. After all, I was just a child in the 80’s (0 – 8 years old), so if I HAD worn 80’s trends, they were very kidded-down versions.

However, this fall’s 90’s Throwback fashions are offending me.

Not in the offensively immodest way (they are quite the opposite, really), but in the “Am I Really Old Enough For This To Be Happening To Me?!?!?!” way.

I remember when “Bell-Bottoms” came back in style, and my Mom was so horrified that they were “back”. I didn’t understand – “Really? Come on, Mom – they’re vintage and great!!”

But now I understand how she felt. Plaid??!! Back?? Cool?? How can that be cool? They were so unattractive and shapeless and horrid.

(Or is it just the visual of my awkward High School self seared into my mind that is making them seem so horrible?)

At any rate, since I am OBVIOUSLY not old enough for this to be happening to me, I am fighting back with this post, in which I will be exposing the crimes of the 2009 Reenactment of Plaid Fad.

To do my research, I canvassed the currently for sale Plaid “fashions” (and I DO use that term lightly), and have them here for your review. And, unfortunately, there was SO MUCH plaid to be found that every website I went to had choices like these in the sidebar:


Don’t believe me?

Plaid Plaid Plaid

Yes, the plaid epidemic is THAT bad. It’s more widespread than the Swine Flu ever thought of being.

Unfortunately, they didn’t go back to the 90’s and just bring back our awful plaids. they also brought back the ever unflattering and potato-sack-shape-inducing drop-waisted dress:Awful Drop Hem Plaid Dress

Which, when combined with plaid, looks like something that my Great-Grandmother used to sleep in. Or maybe the Ingall girls in Little House in the Prairie. All it needs is the long, white night-cap from “The Night before Christmas” to go with it.

They also brought back the standard, plain, nothing-interesting-about-it Plaid shirt:
A Plaid I had one nearly just like it that I treasured and adored. During my most dark days of Early High School fashion judgment.

My other favorite plaid shirt was a combination of these two:GreenRed Plaid Shirt a

GreenRed Plaid Shirt b

Yes, it was Christmas Red-And-Green. And it was so long and overly bulky that it had a half-dollar sized rip in the side that you couldn’t even see because there was so much dang billowing plaid fabric.

Another great plaid fashion trend that we see back this fall is the Geezer Dress Shirt (that is always so old it is yellowed with age and cigarette smoke):

Old Man Plaid

EVEN OLD MEN QUIT WEARING THOSE. Seriously – if one could puke plaid, THAT would be what it would look like.

Although on most accounts (including all referenced so far) it is obvious that they haven’t tried this, there are a couple instances where they’ve actually attempted something more impossible than sitting through the entire movie of Gigli and actually liking it: They’ve attempted to make plaid sexy:Strapless PlaidI’m pretty sure that the words “strapless” and “plaid” have never, ever been placed next to each other until this year.

And there was a VERY good reason for that.

Speaking of Daisy Duke, they’ve also brought back the horrid western plaid look:Plaid Western Shirt

Don’t worry – if you’re more of a carnival girl than a western girl, you can choose the cotton-candy plaid:Cotton Candy Plaid

Of if you have a more somber occasion to attend, there’s the black-lace-funeral-dirge plaid:Purple Plaid Shirt

I’m sure that someone in the food chain of designers realized that the standard plaid shirt had no waist definition and therefore was NOT flattering in any way, so they made it all the more “Little House on the Prairie-ish” by adding this gorgeous pintuck-and-flow option:Red Plaid ShirtThat shirt is looking for it’s covered wagon and bonnet if you see any wandering around.

And, of course, they couldn’t limit the damage to shirts only. Plaid has infiltrated the dress,Blue Plaid Dress
Of which attempts were made to “modern it up” by adding the haute bubble dress look,

Bubble Plaid Dress
And the weird window-drapey-skirt look.Pink Plaid Skirt (Which, by the way, don’t bend over while wearing. I saw someone wearing one of these (non-plaid) dresses at Church bend over to pick up their kid and I could see their plaid underwear. Except that it wasn’t plaid.)

And, of course, what 2009 wardrobe is complete without a pair of plaid leggings?
Plaid Leggings

Okay. I somehow feel vindicated now.

Just please, please, PLEASE tell me that kids these days don’t refer to plaid as “Vintage”.

Oh no.

I just said Kids these days”.

Next thing you know, I’m going to be rocking on the front porch, popping my dentures in and out, trying to sort my 57 medications into my “pill of the day” container and talking about how my hemorrhoids are causin’ my goiter to act up.

All sinfully indecently ugly plaids in this post were found at the Belk, Kohl’s and Delia’s websites. I will be looking for their letters of gratitude and payment for my shameless promotion of their products post-haste.

22 thoughts on “I REFUSE to be Vintagicated!

  1. So let me get this straight: Do you like plaid or not?

    (If this means grunge rock is making a comeback too, well, let's just say I will be listening to my 80s music on the ipod even more.)

  2. While I like plaid and I am kind of glad it is back. I hate knowing my fads are retro/vintage and back in style, I mean I am only 33 I can't be vintage yet.

  3. I love fashion but I just can't jump on the plaid wagon. They are really overdoing it too as seen by your example (Plaid, Plaid, Plaid) LOL. A little bit of that stuff goes a long way.

    I'm a few years older than you, and in high school I had a plaid flannel overall dress and I thought I was so cute in it. That kind of thing, my friend, will never end up on my body again.

  4. Some of that stuff was just plain scary. As if the plaid wasn't bad enough (and it is) to have the bubble dress and the drop-waist dress come back in??? YUCK!!!!

    And sexy, strapless plaid??? I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that one.

    I have to admit, though, that I had a Christmas-green and black plaid shirt, except mine did not have that feminine-cut to it. It just made me look like a lumberjack.

    I also had a pretty (in my misguided opinion at the time)pink and blue plaid flannel night gown. It was quite comfy, but if I tried wearing something like that to bed these days, I'm pretty sure my husband would burn it.

  5. Wow – I just had a plaid flashback. I too had a plaid shirt that I just LOVED and thought was totally awesome. I look back and cringe. So shapeless!

  6. I'm gonna have to agree with you on most of that but I love a big flannel shirt (and I've been known to where a plaid one) on a cold night!

  7. Ok, I've definitely had my share of plaid stuff over the years, and some patterns I did/do like… but these photos gave me a migraine! ;)

  8. Haha, the sexy plaid cracked me up! I must not have been very cool in the 80's b/c I don't remember wearing a lot of plaid. It was all about neon colors and side ponytails for me. Heaven help us if those come back!!!

  9. I saw jeans in Ladies Home Journal last night, the "new length" and they were right at the ankle with heels even. you know of course I thought of you. Plaid also makes one look much larger.

  10. you're so much cooler than I am. I was just thinking how comfortable it would be to dig out my big, shapeless plaid shirt and louge around in it. . .after all, it's one of the few things from my high school days that I could still fit into!!

  11. I think I may be sick!! There are no words! What frightens me the most is that I have a tendency to eventually fall victim to these fashion nightmares. Must..be…strong!

  12. In 8th grade, I had the "coolest" plaid jacket that I wore at least once a week and considered it my most fashionable piece of clothing. Unfortunately I didn't have a Christmas plaid shirt…I'd love to see a picture of that :)
    The cotton candy plaid shirt and pink plaid leggins are the worst!

  13. You know, I actually like a big, soft, comfy real Scottish tartan plaid shirt in the winter when it is cold and rainy outside. But the photos you found–they are really awful. I did not see a single one I would want to wear.

  14. Oh Rachel…
    I was also having 90's flashbacks to Jr High Fashion days…I loved my huge plaid shirt that I stole out of Dad's closet and wore open over a coordinating waffle-weave tee. So grunge, so cool.
    But I also had plaid pants with a coordinating twinset circa 1996 that I was SO proud of! It is immortalized in my 16th birthday pictures! ha!

    But I dont completely hate the plaid comeback or vintage resurrection, if you will. I kinda liked the red plaid dress/tunic…it would look cute with those skinny jeans! ;)

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