IMG_1606When I was a little girl, my parents often let me go spend the night with friends.

You know, because it’s what little girls did. You stayed up way past the point that you should have, played house, barbies, pretended to marry your friend’s little brother, and promised to be best friends forever and made the bracelets to prove it.

And, of course, in an all-to-foretelling of my geeky future self, I played “Office”. Office was my favorite childhood game – and my Mom was the best facilitator of “Office” in the world. For my birthday spend-the-night parties every year, she would drive me around to all of the banks and ask them if they had free pens and pads that we could use.

She would help me create and print out personalized checks for each friend that was coming over. We would even cut them, stack them, and glue one edge and set them under an Encyclopedia to dry, thereby making actual BOOKS of personalized checks.

(Ali will read this one day and say, “What’s an Encyclopedia? Do you mean WIKIpedia? “)

We would order big rolls of “Tickets” from Oriental Trading – like the kind that you got at the fair.

(Not sure what that had to do with “Office”, except that it was another fascinating paper-pushing activity. And I LOVED my paper-pushing activities.)

So yes – I have been destined to be a geeky accountant since birth.

And yes – I STILL love writing checks, at least when I am not in a hurry and have the time to savor the activity.

But that’s beside the point. (I just thought you needed something else to laugh at me about.)

Whenever I spent the night at a friend’s house, there was a 50/50 chance that it wouldn’t “stick”.

I really have no idea why my parents put up with this, but I had this bad issue of getting “homesick”. I would literally have the 8 year old version of a full-on panic attack – uncontrollable sobbing, illogical reasoning, the whole bit. And I could not be solaced by anyone but my parents. And not over the phone, mind you. Only by them coming to PICK ME UP and TAKE ME HOME.

And (at least the way I remember it), I never got homesick at a convenient time – like, say, 8pm.

It was always more like, say, 3am.

Like I said, I have no idea why my parents put up with this. They were obviously more determined than I would be as a parent in that situation. I imagine their reasoning for allowing this to happen more than twice was to help me “grow up” and “learn to be away from them”.

At any rate, I’m having a bit of childhood relapse.

It’s currently 9:30pm, and I’m on my second day of Blogher, and there are at least half a dozen parties going on downstairs and in the surrounding areas.

But, here I sit, in my hotel room, by myself.

I COULD tell you that I needed a bit of alone time – I’m certainly used to having some of that on a daily basis, and being that I have three roommates in a two-full-sized-bed hotel room, coming to the room during all the parties is a good time to be alone.

Or I COULD tell you that I needed to work on uploading videos to Say it Face to Face, the website I’m promoting this weekend, because that’s true too.

But no, I’m going to be a bit more honest (and scarily vulnerable).

I came upstairs to “freshen up”.

i.e., to try to get ahold of my emotions and make it look like I wasn’t trying not to cry.

I really hope that no one at the conference reads this while we’re still at the conference, because I certainly don’t want to be branded as the Blogher Wuss, but if I had to over-analyze my irrational feelings (and I certainly can’t help but do that CONTINUOUSLY whenever my normally-rational self starts going haywire), I would say that it is a combination of:

  • 4 hours of very fitful sleep last night,
  • 2 days of hardly eating (it’s hard to eat when you’re trying to make small talk with complete strangers, don’t you think?),
  • 674 Miles between me and my amazing husband and precious little girl,
  • 1,492 Strangers with which I’m attempting small talk (1,500 Blogher attendees – me – the 7 people I know = 1,492.)

AND, I think that about sums it up.

I’m going to go now, and head to the half dozen parties. I’m sure it will be great and fun, especially if I can learn how to make small talk and SHUT MY HEAD UP.

I know, I am not worthy to be at Blogher.

I’m just not the party animal that these two were: IMG_1628

Saturday Morning – It is now a bright and sunny day, I enjoyed a great night of sleep, and I am liberating myself from the morning keynote and sitting outside the hotel, on the riverwalk, in the sunshine. I am about to go get more free stuff from the exhibition hall. Life is good, I am reenergized, and today will be great. But, although this post is a bit on the vulnerable side for me, I have to stay true to recounting my TRUE Blogher experience for you.

(And, if that postscript seemed a little odd (which it probably did not), it is because I can not use contractions at the moment – I am typing on The 5 Minutes for Mom laptop that I am using this weekend, and the apostrophe key is typing an è – and with shift, it is È. Do Canadians not use contractions!! Augh! No question marks either! Canadians must not be a punctuational bunch.)

17 thoughts on “Relapse

  1. You are sharing honestly, and quite frankly, I know many women are feeling the same way you are. There is something in us where that Junior High "cool girl" club comes out at conferences. Everyone puts on a smile but most don't feel as if they measure up. Remember you are blogging for you..sharing your life…not all of them. :)

  2. I told you that you should have taken me with you! J/k.

    Seriously, I do not think you are that far from the "norm" in missing your sweet family. You are in a strange place, doing something that is foreign and uncomfortable…I would say that if you did not feel a little weird, well…something is WRONG with ya!

    So, Dr. Lianne says: 1. Get sleep. 2. EAT! 3. Take some down time to be quiet, but not so much time that you have time to be lonely. 4. Spend time with our Creator. 5. Get me something cool. (p.s. I am not a doctor, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn a while back, so…)

    Did you notice that (in your honor/pity) I did not use any contractions either?

    Have a great day!

  3. your honesty is refreshing and i think you are doing a great job at pushing yourself out of your norm. we all need to challenge ourselves at times. hang in there. can't wait to hear about everything when you get home.

  4. Don't feel bad. Last year I went to San Antonio for a Beth Moore conference. Thankfully my husband was with me (back at the hotel room) because I felt more lonely than I ever have. I am used to being alone – I don't feel lonely that way. But…in a place with 10,000 other people I DID feel lonely because I was keenly aware that I didn't have a friend there. So I left early and had a fabulous time with Mark instead!

    I'm glad you are sure enough about yourself to be honest.

  5. I am not at Blogher but I so totally understand where you are coming from and I think what you are feeling is completely normal. As much as we say
    "If I could get away for just a week for this house and all of you" then it happens. We just don't realize how much we love our families until we are away from them. And I don't believe you are the only one there going through it. Pick up the phone and call them and say I Love You. It's okay. And if I were there I'd find you and give you a big hug.

    So glad I came accross your blog. Gonna stalk you now. ;)

  6. I am so glad to hear someone else say this! I am totally the same way and everyone says I am weird! It's hard to leave your comfort zone and your family! I'm proud of you for doing this and going- that takes alot! Just don't forget to have fun!

  7. I'm with Lianne-you should have taken me with you. I would probably be like you though-just getting through the chitchat, but really wanting some time alone. But I would love all the personaliites and things I would learn about. Only one day!

  8. I'm glad you are having fun. I hate that you are homesick though. It's understandable. I'm glad you are sticking it out and making it through the conference though. The small talk thing to strangers is hard for me also, so I understand the stressfulness in it. I'd much rather be alone in my room also, in that case. :) :) I hope the rest of the weekend is great.

  9. I completely understand where you are coming from I am the same way at big events and even when I go on vacation without my family. I get homesick really easy. Hope it gets easier and that you are having a good time.

    P.S. my favorite childhood game was school and up until recently I always thought I would be a teacher.

  10. I understand how you feel. I went to a MaryKay conference in Texas and ate, slept, & talked to hundreds of strangers. But when I got home, I was exhausted but at the same time refreshed and ready for a new chapter in my life. Sounds dramatic, but you'll understand when you get home and then there will be plenty to blog about! Hope to meet up with you some day! I've been keeping up with Blogher on Twitter and I wish I could have gone. I didn't even know we had an Alabama blogger list! Do now! Have a great time because it'll be over soon enough.

  11. I didn't see this until today…I'll have to report you immediately to the blogger police for being a WUS!!!! I hope you had a great time in the Windy City though. Chris and Ali came to the house on Friday and watched some movie and had cup-cakes…

  12. You're much braver than me, I don't think I would've been able to go to a conference where I only knew a handful of people.
    I must be a geek too b/c your birthday parties sound like a lot of fun to me! Maybe Ali can have one when she's a little older…Aubrey & I would love to come!

Leave a Reply to lovingmytwoboys Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *