Ali and I have been ailing for the last couple of days. Me because of my own doing, and her because of I-Have-No-Idea-What’s doing.

Let’s start with me. Last night I was cooking dinner – an experimental dinner (which turned out marvelously delicious might I add – Chicken and New Potatoes in Nabeel’s Greek Dressing and Cavender’s Greek Seasoning, along with homemade creamed corn), and I was quite frustrated with it because it was taking much longer to cook than I thought it should.

I pulled the corningware out of the oven for the THIRD time, hoping that the potatoes would be soft and the chicken not raw. I poked and prodded around, and finally admitted that it was, yet again, nowhere near ready.

Then I reached over to get the glass lid to the dish. Forgetting, of course, that it had just come out of a 450 degreed oven.

I grabbed it heartily with three fingers and a thumb before recalling that it just MIGHT be warm.

I dropped it into the big pan of corn on the stove and ran to the sink in search of cold water.

Now I’m pretty clumsy as clumsy goes, so a burn is not too unusual for me. But for some reason, this one was quite intense. It was fine as long as I had my fingers on an ice pack or under cold water at all times, but the second I took them off, it was unbearable.

That could have something to do with the amazing nerve endings in your hands. I think I learned that lesson last summer, thanks to sleepwalking.

All I could think all night was “Dang IT, nerves!!!!! Hurry up and DIE already!!! You’re getting on my last. . .oh yeah you are my nerve.”

Anyway, my hand continued to sizzle throughout the night (I’m pretty sure I browned it. That reminds me – maybe my dish would have worked better if I had browned the chicken BEFORE baking it).

Finally, hours later, I let Chris hunt around and find the sunburn ointment, and he slathered my fingers up for me. It didn’t help at first, but miraculously, they quit hurting just in time for bed. Aren’t hubbies great?

On to Ali’s ailments (believe me, you’ll wish I stayed at mine). So Ali has had, um, digestive issues for two weeks now. I of course called the doctor’s office a while back, and they informed me that they don’t worry about such things until it has been going on for two weeks.

Actually, I normally wouldn’t either. But I have been a bit more paranoid than usual since our scare a few weeks ago, and I was concerned that this was related.

So I took her in this morning, and of course they did the usual blood tests and such. Those didn’t show anything out of the ordinary, so then Dr. Amy came in with this:

Let me get this straight: You want me to bring you a toddler poop.

Why couldn’t you just be happy with a shrubbery??

Well, as luck would have it, some was readily available about a half hour after leaving the doctor, and before we were that far away.

As luck WOULDN’T have it, no plastic spoons were allotted to me to accompany this mission.

And, of course, since we were out and about, I had no implements of any kind to help me remove requested items from diaper and place into aforementioned container.

And, keep in mind, we weren’t going to the doctor because she had nice, normal, clean, turdish poops.

So I used the cup itself and scooped.

Of course, making a huge mess.

Then I scrubbed the outside of the container with multiple wet wipes while trying not to gag, hoping to clean it up well enough that the poor receptionist to whom delivery was headed for would be happily ignorant to what had preceded her hands on the outside of that container.

Then I text messaged Chris:

“I have now officially collected poo in a cup. Good luck to them finding the poo amidst all the corn.”

(Ali really liked dinner last night also.)

So, now that you need your memory wiped completely clean from THAT blog post, I bring you an innocent video of Ali and Daddy doing a nice, “calm”, sweet duet – part of our nightly bedtime routine:

14 thoughts on “Dear God: What Extension Do I Dial for the Warranty Department?

  1. I love the duet…I could have done without hearing about poop for the second time.. :) :) haha. I hope you guys both get better. :) :)

  2. oh man you have had quite a couple of days haven’t you. can’t say i’ve ever had the joy of collecting that kind of sample. hope your burned hand is feeling better.

  3. Aww, that video is adorable! The poop not so much, but it sure made me laugh!

    Why is it that the daddies get them all hyper before bed? :)

  4. So sorry about your fingers. I felt your pain. Back in January I did the same thing, only I was wearing an oven mitt, but it was wet, so it didn’t work to keep from burning my finger. It burned all the way to next day. The blister was horrible.

    I hope Ali gets to feeling better soon!

    Loved the video!

  5. You need an aloe plant, they really work. I don’t know what Ali needs. But the video at the end certainly made the whole blog worthwhile-that was beyond precious. LYB

  6. LOL that was to funny…been there, done that…. dont wanna wear the tshirt! ;)

    Thanks for sharing!

  7. Oh yeah, sorry about the hand… been there to… its NOT fun! Hope you’re a quick healer!

  8. I am so sorry about your hand. I accidently picked up a hot crockpot the other day, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as yours.

    Okay, you have me beat in the poop department. I have never had to do that – even with four children – thanks goodness!

    The duet was wonderful!

  9. I hope everything goes well with the corny-poo…
    That is so sweet that, that video comes from a nightly routine.

  10. Love the video!

    It’s amazing the things we do now for our kids that we NEVER thought we would do…

    And we ate Ruby Tuesday in Fort Payne. No Wingstop for us because (Gasp!) I don’t like wings. I know, what is wrong with me?

  11. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks and find it hilarious. I just had to comment on your experience gathering a stool sample. I too have been lucky enough to have to do this, only my child was potty trained. We had to put saran wrap across the toilet to catch his business, and then get it in the container. All I could do was hold my breath and pray I didn’t lose my lunch. And he did have giardiah.

  12. I laughed so hard at the part about your nerves getting on your last nerves!!! That’s a keeper!

    And…I think you have finally crossed the line of TMI with the poop scoopin’ story…:)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *