Wedding presents. They’re lovely things, aren’t they?

I don’t know about y’all, but by the time we finished returning the 5 coffee makers we received to buy the towels and silverware that we got none of, and everything else that needed returning, we had a running list of what brands could be returned to what stores. And we had so many things to return to Rich’s that they brought us a flat to load – as if we were at Sam’s or something!!

However, there were always those gifts that were completely non-returnable. Most likely they were multiple-recycled gifts.

You know, the giver was given it by their great-Aunt, who was given it by their stepmother, who was given it by their Mother’s first cousin, and on and on. . .

Our most unforgettable of these completely non-returnable gifts was most definitely The Kitchen Cock, lovingly named so by my husband.

It was the tackiest wooden rooster that you’ve ever seen, and to just add insult to injury, he had a big carved-out hole in his butt, out of which stuck a set of wooden kitchen utensils.

Of course, being that this was in 2001 and I wasn’t nearly the picture taker that I am now, I have not a picture to show you. But thanks to our good friend Google, I was able to find a somewhat comparable piece:
However, ours was much tackier, much multiple-recycled-over-50-years-looking, and wasn’t holding those nifty measuring spoons with his wings.

Oh, and ours had more of a butt carve-out, rather than a back carve-out.

But you get the picture.

Now sure, someone out there who likes more of a country style might be huffing at their computer right now, offended that I would scoff at such a classy piece. If that’s you, please accept my apologies.

However, I was 19 years old when we got married. I had a much, much, MUCH more modern and contemporary taste. There was NOT about to be any sort of roosters hanging out in my kitchen.

So we did the most logical thing.

We re-gifted it to our next friends getting married, Ann Marie and Scott.

Don’t worry, don’t worry. As a JOKE. We got them a real present too (However, if there is any doubt, the KC was most assuredly NOT given to us as a joke. We received it from a very wonderfully sweet elderly couple whom I’m sure would have adored to have displayed it in their kitchen).

Back to the KC. I believe that Ann Marie and Scott carried on the tradition and re-gifted it to JC and Lindsay a couple of years later. I tried to track down The Kitchen Cock’s progress through the world of re-gifting, but Lindsay has apparently washed her memory clean and doesn’t remember who they gave it to (although I seem to remember them telling me that they gave it to someone. . .).

So if you’re out there and have received this lovely collector’s piece, please do let me know.

Oh, and if you haven’t received The Kitchen Cock, but have received an equally horrid wedding present, please do tell!!

Disclaimer: Before you give me a lecture on thankfulness, please do know that this post is meant all in fun. I am very thankful for all of the wedding presents that we received, especially the Kitchen Cock. I mean, no other wedding present gave us more fun and more laughs than good ole’ KC! Except maybe for Ashley and Amanda’s “Bucket O’ Fun”. . .

16 thoughts on “The Kitchen Cock

  1. Now, I like chicken items, but even I have to admit that carries things a little too far. That is just plain strange.

    Now, what about this Bucket O Fun?….

  2. oh after reading this I am convinced I will be that elderly person that buys outdated gifts for all my younger friends and family. I am not a good gift “picker outer” and im sure that’ll be me.

    I got quite a few items that would have been good for re-gifting.. my favorite is the classic glass 13 x 9 glass baking dish with embeded fruit or however you describe that.

  3. Haha! I like your disclaimer ;-) We got a similar gift, but it only does it justice to tell you in person…or send you a picture!

  4. Sad. At least they were thoughtful enough to give you a gift…Right? I mean, it amazes me how many people nowadays will attend a wedding but will not give a gift! Isn’t there some rule of etiquette for this… There’s got to be a don’t-mooch-off-a-wedding-unless-you-at-the-very-least-bring-some-sort-of-gift rule… even if it is a KC with utensils sitting in a hole carved out of its butt area? ;)

  5. Remind me to show the HIDIOUS object we got last year….from a sorority sister. I thought it was a joke.

  6. I can’t remember any tacky wedding gifts, but that might be because that was 12 years ago, and I’m sure I would have rid myself of any such tackiness asap. However, I do remember a rather amusing mix-up due to someone using non-original packaging for one of our gifts. When I opened it, it was a box with a picture of a beautiful Christmas candle on it. I thought it an odd gift to give someone who was getting married in March, but still pretty, and set it aside to use at Christmas-time. At Christmas, I opened the box to discover a lemonade pitcher – one of those with the tube in the middle that you could fill with water and freeze so you could keep your beverage cold without watering it down – something that would have been great to use during the summer right after we got married. I wonder what that person thought when they read the thank-you note…

  7. That is hilarious! I remember my brother and sister-in-law getting a gift that none of us could identify. It was made out of glass and looked very modern but we couldn’t figure out what it was…we finally decided it was an extremely thin vase. :)

    I didn’t get anything hideous but we did receive several obviously used items from a very sweet older couple. It was a set of cooking spoons (with scuff marks) :) and a honey bear that had a date on the bottom of 1982 (the year I was born!). It was sweet though. :)

  8. Funny. I’m a chicken fan, but I don’t think I’d use one that has spoons in its’ butt.

    -FringeGirl

  9. my mil loves to give me self-improvement books: How to be a better wife, how to be a better mother, what every woman should do for her husband, how to improve your marriage, etc. I’m sensing a theme. . .and it doesn’t look pretty. Unfortunately, she reads my blog, so it’s not even bloggable (is that a word?).

  10. Since I’m not married, we didn’t get anything tacky, thankfully!!! But I have to say, I never understood why anyone would want a chicken with wooden utensils sticking out of it’s butt/back!

  11. BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I just laughed SO hard!
    Oh all those jokes we made about the kitchen cock….
    too bad we didnt keep it rotating around…

    and the bucket o fun…oh man im crying im laughing so hard!
    MY disclaimer: WE did not use the whipped cream that was gifted to me at my lingerie shower…but i know people who DID…

    OUR most, um, interesting gift? (besides the kitchen cock) A wll tapestry with the entire Prayer of Jabez woven in to it.
    lets just say i ended up with several CDs and a couple books from the local Christian bookstore instead…

  12. You crack me up!!!!! Great kitchen cock, I have one just like it, I love it!! (Not, just kidding, yikes!) I was married almost 15 yrs. ago. I don’t remember it’s all a blur!(A great blur, but a blur!!!)

  13. Yeah, and that whipped cream would have been so much better if those people who DID use it had realized that it was NOT like Easy Cheese and needed refrigerating. . .

  14. HAHAHAHAHAHA…..Bucket o Fun! You are one of only 2 people to ever have gotten a bucket o fun from us. I’m glad you learned a valuable lesson from it…..Whip Cream is made to be refrigerated (Maybe that’s hwy it’s in the refrigerated section at the store?!) :)

  15. I really hope the sweet elderly couple isn’t internet savvy and followers of your blog! :)

    I really can’t remember what happened to good ole’ KC. We may have taken it as a Dirty Santa gift somewhere or something.

    I can’t remember any other super tacky wedding gifts we got, but my grandmother is the queen of getting bad Christmas gifts. Recent years’ gifts have included coat hangers (two years in a row), a giant bottle of vitamins (even though she knows that I hate to take vitamins unless absolutely necessary due to pregnancy), and an electronic pocket thesaurus. Oh Granny….

  16. How funny..oh I still have some of my questionable wedding presents sitting in my parents closet. My favorite was a single napkin with My name embroidered on it….not mine and Ryans, not my new last name, just “Mary Kate” and there was only one. ???Hmmmmm The other was from a great aunt (I love her dearly) who gave me one spoon…it was a pretty silver spoon but it was not a design I had chosen and yes I knew it was silver because it was tarnished so bad I was afraid to touch it. LOL
    There were others. I do kow a few friends who regifted a pretty vase or bowl to me and I promtly regifted those as well….

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