So have you noticed that “big hair” is back in? I’m pretty sure that it all started this stylish lady:Now granted, it actually really does look very distinguished the way that Sarah Palin wears her hair bump. But I remember when I first saw it, I was like, “What in the world is on the back of her head making her hair stick up like that?!?! She must have one dang bumpy head!!”
Then, of course, Paula had to follow suit, along with a ton of other stars.

So since I wasn’t old enough the last time Big Hair was “in” to experience this phenomenon, I had no understanding of the mechanics of how this works. In fact, I was completely confused as to how one can make her hair stand up in a big poof like that. Do they secretly install coneheads?? Or is it more like a speed bump?

I have heard that “teasing” or “back-combing” was involved, but the thought of purposefully tangling my hair to make it poof up seems like pretty much the last “beauty trick” that I would employ on earth, right after I go out and get a tattoo on my face. I work really hard to keep tangles out – you will not find me purposefully ADDING them in. Not to mention the untold damage that MUST be done to continue raking your hair into a rat’s nest day after day.

And apparently I wasn’t the only one thinking that these methods could surely be improved upon. While pondering these deep mysteries of big hair, I saw a commercial for Bump-Its. It is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. They are little “bridges” that you put in your hair to make it stand up:Of course, they come in multiple sizes for optimal bumpage: miniature bumpage, small bumpage, large bumpage, and my-hair-looks-like-the-butt-bustle-of-a-Victorian-dress-honkin’-huge bumpage:
And hurry! If you order now, you will get 10 sets! For the price of 1! That’s a $3,698.99 value, all for three easy payments of $9.99! Oh, you haven’t called yet? Well we’ll throw in a wig to go with it! And a sham-wow! Oh, and here’s a bucket of Oxyclean too!

Of course, even if I DID want bumpy hair, (which I don’t, might I add), my hair is so fine that my bridge would be falling down all day long.

And it seems like it just MIGHT be a bit embarrassing if your bump fell right out. It’d be like a toupee flying off or a bra’s stuffing peeking out of the top of one’s shirt (which I saw happen not too long ago at the mall – it was CLASSY).

At any rate, it just wouldn’t be right.

Anyway, what with all this big hair being back in, I know one person that is thrilled beyond belief:
That’s right, Beth Moore: You finally did it. You waited long enough, and the fashion came back around to you.

Disclaimer: I am in no way insulting Beth Moore’s hair, just quoting her oft bemoaning of flat hair being in style and her anticipation of the day it comes back in. I look forward to seeing her new hairstyles with every new bible study as much as the next girl.

13 thoughts on “If I Wanted My Hair to Stick Up, I’d Put a Cone in it. . .

  1. Sheesh — I remember complaining to my mom about getting all the bumps OUT of my hair when she fixed it… and let’s not forget all the times I gave up (with sore arms, sweaty brow and red face) from trying to get the little kinks out of my own up-dos. Why don’t we just bring back banana clips!?! Ha-ha! ;)

  2. Oh the difference in generations! The “Bump” thingy is awful yes. However, I don’t see anything srong with Beth Moore’s except the bangs. I hate my hair lying flat on my head like a little boy. LYB

  3. How funny! I have fine hair so my bridge would be falling out, too! I’m sure if it didn’t fall out, a part of it would be peeking through the little bit of hair that’s there making it even more embarrassing.

    Challenge to you: Have someone tease your hair, just one time, and get pictures for your blog. I’d love to see that, girlfriend.

  4. I’ve always wondered how girls make their hair do that… I’m glad you take the time to research the things I always wonder about but then forget to google:)

  5. Girl, don’t you know the bigger the hair the closer to God! LOL! Loved your post and I’m old enough to remember big hair and remember it fondly!! Not the bump hair, never did that thing just the big. I miss my big hair.

  6. Hmm. . .I seem to have come across more negative than I intended. I wasn’t insulting Beth Moore’s hair, just quoting her, since she’s always bemoaning flat hair being in and anticipating the day that big hair comes back in. I always love seeing what new hairstyle she has on her DVD’s. No offense intended, Mrs. Moore.

  7. Oh, yes… I saw the infomercial for these. It was cracking me up. I thought the exact same thing: what if my bump were to fall out in public! Haha! How embarrassing!!!

  8. Have to say, I’m not old enough to know big hair.

    But I’m a big hair girl.

    Maybe it’s cause I used to live in the South?

    Maybe it’s cause I’m a nut case.

  9. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! I can’t believe you found these things! I too have always wondered, how to get such a nice and “smooth” bump. I kinda like the bump, but only when done tastefully and not excessively large. I really don’t think I could wear one of these though…I’m sure it’d fall out and embarrass me, much like the girl’s stuffins at the mall. Doesn’t she know she can buy bras that have that option built right in?!

  10. you are darling! i read your mom jeans series, and thought it was wonderful!

    a hair bump? whatever. i have naturally curly hair, and have a hard time NOT looking like Kenny G on a daily basis. Adding a bump would just add to my strife.

    thanks for the funny!

  11. Funny! I spend a lot of time trying get my hair straight and flat. It’s not easy. I guess I don’t mind if a few bumps come back in style. It would make my life easier.

    The lumpy body style doesn’t bother me either. Lumpy and bumpy – that’s me.


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