So have you noticed that “big hair” is back in? I’m pretty sure that it all started this stylish lady:Now granted, it actually really does look very distinguished the way that Sarah Palin wears her hair bump. But I remember when I first saw it, I was like, “What in the world is on the back of her head making her hair stick up like that?!?! She must have one dang bumpy head!!”
Then, of course, Paula had to follow suit, along with a ton of other stars.
So since I wasn’t old enough the last time Big Hair was “in” to experience this phenomenon, I had no understanding of the mechanics of how this works. In fact, I was completely confused as to how one can make her hair stand up in a big poof like that. Do they secretly install coneheads?? Or is it more like a speed bump?
I have heard that “teasing” or “back-combing” was involved, but the thought of purposefully tangling my hair to make it poof up seems like pretty much the last “beauty trick” that I would employ on earth, right after I go out and get a tattoo on my face. I work really hard to keep tangles out – you will not find me purposefully ADDING them in. Not to mention the untold damage that MUST be done to continue raking your hair into a rat’s nest day after day.
And apparently I wasn’t the only one thinking that these methods could surely be improved upon. While pondering these deep mysteries of big hair, I saw a commercial for Bump-Its. It is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. They are little “bridges” that you put in your hair to make it stand up:Of course, they come in multiple sizes for optimal bumpage: miniature bumpage, small bumpage, large bumpage, and my-hair-looks-like-the-butt-bustle-of-a-Victorian-dress-honkin’-huge bumpage:
And hurry! If you order now, you will get 10 sets! For the price of 1! That’s a $3,698.99 value, all for three easy payments of $9.99! Oh, you haven’t called yet? Well we’ll throw in a wig to go with it! And a sham-wow! Oh, and here’s a bucket of Oxyclean too!
Of course, even if I DID want bumpy hair, (which I don’t, might I add), my hair is so fine that my bridge would be falling down all day long.
And it seems like it just MIGHT be a bit embarrassing if your bump fell right out. It’d be like a toupee flying off or a bra’s stuffing peeking out of the top of one’s shirt (which I saw happen not too long ago at the mall – it was CLASSY).
At any rate, it just wouldn’t be right.
Anyway, what with all this big hair being back in, I know one person that is thrilled beyond belief:
That’s right, Beth Moore: You finally did it. You waited long enough, and the fashion came back around to you.
Disclaimer: I am in no way insulting Beth Moore’s hair, just quoting her oft bemoaning of flat hair being in style and her anticipation of the day it comes back in. I look forward to seeing her new hairstyles with every new bible study as much as the next girl.