If you haven’t caught on yet this week, TODAY is my one year bloggy anniversary!! So, in celebration, I have been having my Giveaway Jubilee, and today is the grand finale celebration of a year of SO. MUCH. FUN.

This post is a sequel to Baby Tips, and you have the chance to join in!! There will be a Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post, so you can write your own Baby, Toddler, Kid, or Teen Tips (with photos) and link them in! If you don’t have a blog, email them to me and I will post them on B-Sides and link them in for you.

For each Tip with Photo that you post, you will get one extra entry into every giveaway that you have entered this week. You can do as many or as few as you like! (And, of course, you get an extra entry for commenting on this post, too).

I can’t WAIT to read your tips!

So without further ado,

Toddler Tips

We all know that toddlers are big on food, so let’s start with some food tips:

It is generally not recommended to allow toddlers to eat out of the garbage.

Also, keep in mind that toddler’s ability to store and process food is much smaller than ours. Do not overfeed them, especially dessert.

Toddler should eat healthy foods, and be willing to eat them without dipping them in saturated fat.

It is essential that all food given to toddlers be in proper bite-sized pieces.

Spicy foods are also generally not recommended, unless you like your Pampers hot & spicy.

Leaving your toddler alone with blueberries and a fork may not produce the results you had in mind.

If allowing your toddler to eat spaghetti, be sure to teach them how to properly eat it so that they don’t choke.

Remember that you are your child’s biggest teacher. If you teach your child bad habits, such as sharing food and drink with you and therefore transferring germs, they are more likely to do it with others.

The toddler years are the perfect time to teach your child when it is appropriate, and when it is inappropriate, to use a fork.

Do not leave your toddler in the room alone on Christmas morning. They WILL ingest as much candy as they possibly can.

Toddlers also love animals. So let’s talk about some animal safety tips:

It is best to slowly introduce your toddler to large animals. Sometimes they can be very spooked by large animals, even if there is a cage in between them.

Do not let your toddler near chickens. They are filthy animals.

Do not allow your toddler to stand underneath large birds, keeping in mind that birds, unlike toddlers and carriage horses, do not wear tailbags.

Do not let exotic birds stand on your toddler. They carry exotic diseases.

Do not let your toddler touch exotic birds. . .

Because they always return those exotic hands to their mouths.

And exotic birds DO know how to bite. well.

Do not let your toddler play in doggie doors. These are ridden with germs!!

Do not let your toddler socialize extensively with goats.

Speaking of socializing, the toddler years are vital to social development, so you need to ensure that you foster good interpersonal behaviors and modicums:

Do not push your child into relationships. Let them go at their own pace.

Do not try to put too many toddlers in one chair. This could cause disagreements.

However, if you are going to, do it in a manner that is completely safe.

It is generally not recommended to put two toddlers in one baby bed.

Be sure not to foster a sense of conceit in your toddler.

It is your job to ensure that all caregivers reinforce your toddler’s sense of proper gender roles.

Use caution when exposing your toddler to premature infants. Toddlers do not have a good understanding of being gentle.

Now let’s talk about some safety tips during playtime:

When allowing your toddler to swing by themselves, make sure it is an age appropriate swing with all of the proper safety harnesses.

Just because you think your toddler is old enough to sit in a low swing with no safety harnesses, or just because you would like to get some cute pictures, doesn’t mean that your toddler won’t fall out the second you finish photographing them.

Use caution when letting your toddler paint, keeping in mind that you will have to find a way to clean up the resulting mess while keeping a toddler from continuing to make it worse.

But if you do allow them to paint, at least make sure that they don’t eat any.

It is not recommended that toddlers be allowed to play video games.

Fountains are not the best playplace for toddlers. They are slippery and dangerous.

Now let’s talk about some toddler fashion tips:

Just because shoes are a designer brand name doesn’t mean that they will fit well. At all.

If your child is scarred by a specific clothing incident (such as above), do not repeat your past mistakes as soon as they get over their fears.
Do not put your toddler in costumes at the local children’s museum. They are covered in germs.

Be sure to always put your toddler’s clothing on in the appropriate direction.

Do not let your toddler wear necklaces unless they are made for toddlers to prevent choking or other hazards.

Toddlers are not old enough for earrings. Especially dangly ones.

Do not let your toddler wear battery powered necklaces. Especially after some of the lights have fallen off and there are loose wires. These are a hazard.

It is not recommended to allow your toddler to play with makeup, as this will only make them want to WEAR makeup sooner.

The toddler years are the appropriate time to start teaching your child modesty.

Do not let your toddler wear your movie theater 3-D glasses. This is not good for their still-developing eyes.

Here are some general safety tips to keep in mind:

Do not concern your toddler with the worries of the world.

Choose small blankets for your toddler so that they do not get tangled up in them.

Do not let your toddler play with money. It is covered in germs, and is the world’s number one choking hazard.

Make sure that your toddler always sits a good distance away from the television.

Do not let your toddler sit on the water spigot in hopes of getting a good blog out of it.

Do not allow your child to stand near large mountain drop-offs. Especially on windy days.

And finally, here are some more obvious tips, for the true winner of a parent:


place objects over your toddler’s head.

OR let your toddler play with risque novelties.

OR let your toddler be exposed to too much sun. Teach them proper skincare with your example.

OR let your toddler lay down in the middle of the road, no matter how tired they get.
OR take your toddler in a jacuzzi. Age limits are set for a reason.

OR let your toddler play with small objects that could be a choking hazard.

OR let your toddler gamble.

Especially if they are good at it.

And do NOT, under ANY circumstances, let your toddler play by themselves on the roof.
Here is the Mr. Linky – let me know if you need any help linking in your own baby/toddler/kid/teen tips. And – if you don’t have a blog, be sure to email them to me to get your entries!!

16 thoughts on “Toddler Tips – Grasping for Objectivity’s One Year Anniversary!!!

  1. Yay! I get to comment first! These are hilarious! My favorite one was not concerning your toddler with the worries of the world. That look on her face is classic!

    I also loved the one about not gambling – even if they are good at it.

    Funny stuff! I linked into your post, although mine aren’t nearly as funny as yours. I still had fun doing them.

  2. That was funny. I’m surprised thought that you put the one of Ali in the pool because she’s just in her diaper.

    I’m super glad you’ve been blogging for a year though. It’s been a GREAT year..and I’m glad to get to read your blog every day. It keeps me entertained and informed on all that is going on with you and Ali. :)

  3. Happy One Year!!!

    I linked to my blog also.

    So happy to have met you through the “net”. I have enjoyed your blog so much and your Ali is a cutie-pie.

  4. Happy Blogoversary!!!! Thanks for visiting my blog today!

    I linked a previous post I had done that is along the same lines as your tips. I hope you enjoy it!

  5. Congratulations on your Blogiversary! That’s awesome!! I loved all of your toddler tips and I’m sure that I would have lots too if only I were smart enough to think of some……Oh well! Just wanted to say Congrats to you! I love your blog and enjoy seeing Ali grow up through yours and Chris’ eyes! :)

  6. Happy Blogoversary!!!! Thanks for visiting my blog today!

    I think a good photo tip with kids is to get down at ground level and see things from their point of view.


  7. So I have another baby tip that I learned today. If your baby has had a runny nose for the last couple of days, do NOT kiss her on the mouth in a dimly lit room…

    No, I do not have a picture. I opted to look for the Kleenex instead of the camera.

  8. Love it! You seem like someone who might be as un-germophobic as I am. I feel like I’ve finally met another mom who lets their toddler “explore” as much as I do.

  9. These are great! I think I’ve let mine break all of these rules. Except playing too much with goats. I’d never let her play with goats. Though now that I think about it, I’ve got a photo of her kissing one at the minizoo.

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