CDC Warning: New FTD, Lularoe, Now Classified as Pandemic.

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FTDs, or Facebookually Transmitted Diseases, are now at an all-time high. Please be aware of the latest FTD, know if you are at risk, and prevent further transmission.

Lularoe.

Any woman who is Facebookually active can get Lularoe. Lularoe can cause very serious complications if not treated, and is extremely easy to transmit to other Facebook partners.

What is Lularoe?

Lularoe is a Facebookually transmitted disease (FTD) that can infect women. It can cause infections of buttery soft leggings spreading throughout your closet, mix-and-match cotton prints draining your bank account, and sudden urges to create online parties.

How is Lularoe spread?

Lularoe is spread by engaging in online parties with your Facebook partners. If invited to one of these parties, turn off notifications immediately to lessen the chance of transmitting this disease. To ensure prevention, leave the group, although this can cause bruised relationships with those that are already suffering from Lularoe.

Am I at risk of Lularoe?

YES. Pregnant and post-partum women are at particularly high risk for this disease. It can also be spread from a parent to a female child, as buttery soft leggings also come in smaller sizes. There is even a small percentage of males who are a carrier for Lularoe and transmit it to their female partner by inadvertently buying her buttery soft leggings for a birthday or holiday.

I’m pregnant. How does Lularoe affect my baby?

If you are pregnant and have Lularoe, you can give the infection to your baby during delivery. This can cause serious fashion problems for your baby. If you are pregnant, it is important that you talk to your health care provider so that you get the correct examination, testing, and treatment, as necessary. Treating Lularoe as soon as possible will make health complications for your baby less likely.

Can Lularoe be cured?

Yes, with the right treatment, Lularoe can be treated. Treatment involves a rigorous stripping of one’s Facebook Group Memberships. Extreme cases can require the cancelling of the credit card on file.

I was treated for Lularoe. When can I Facebook Again?

You should wait seven days after finishing all treatments before engaging in Facebook activity. To avoid getting infected with Lularoe again or spreading Lularoe to your friends, you and your Facebook friend(s) should avoid having online parties. If you’ve had Lularoe and took medication in the past, you can still get infected again if you have unprotected online parties with a person who has Lularoe.

Although it is currently the most prevalent, it is important to note that Lularoe is not the only FTD for which you are at risk.

Another highly common FTD is Political Intellectualdeficiency Virus (PIV). PIV is a serious disease that infects both men and women. It causes loss of reason and unrestrained support of a political candidate, leaving you unable to see any of their faults. As the disease progresses, the symptoms can include absolute demonizing of all supporters of another candidate. This disease tends to spike in occurrence every four years, and taper off in mid-November, although this year’s strain is projected to last much, much longer. If you find yourself or those you love still experiencing symptoms of PIV, seek treatment as soon as possible.

Other less frequent Facebookually Transmitted Diseases include Oilmydia (click here to find out more about this disease’s progression), Monogramitis, and the occasional Facebookually spread case of Pinterexia Nervosa.

Facebookually Transmitted Diseases are serious illnesses that often require extreme and long-term treatments to eradicate. Please take great caution to practice Safe Facebook.

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Comments

  1. Brilliantly hilarious!

  2. One of your best! I’m currently invited to three separate Lularoe parties although I’ve never been to one. I’ve been invited to several in the past as well. I was thinking about going to the party tonight since it’s hosted by a good friend. Fortunately your message came at just the right time to keep me from breaking. Thank you!!!

  3. The timing of this important message was perfect for me as I was just at a party on Sunday. I however am not infected with buttery soft leggings but with shirts, specifically the Classic T-shirt. I bought two and already had one at home! I am feeling no desire to create an online party but could I still be infected? I so hope I don’t spread this FTD to others!!

  4. Nikki Clinkenbeard Marques says:

    hahaha I’m a LulaRoe Consultant, because I had to feed my infection while making money at the same time!! I couldn’t afford it otherwise. So much love for all the LulaRoe items!!

  5. My new favorite.

  6. These are seriously disturbing afflictions, but the ones for which I am most at risk aren’t listed here: Plexus-Simplex and Usbournerhea. The Plexus-Simplex carriers are the most persistent, but Usbournerhea is much more prevalent amongst my peers. Those with young children are most at risk.

    I’ve managed to avoid catching Lularoe by leaving Facebook groups to which I was added without my consent and hiding activity from those attending to spread it. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

  7. Sigh, I’m headed to a Lularue party tonight. But at least it’s not Lululemon, which sounds like porn.

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