Under the Knife.

If you’re reading this, I survived my surgery enough to hit “publish”.

I thought about publishing it automatically, but then what if something went horribly wrong? Did I really want this to be my last blog post?

Because these are the things I think about. Which is why, on Tuesday night, I was having that conversation with Chris where I tell him our bank account passwords and such. After the seventh password and him shaking his head and muttering the entire time “I’m never going to remember any of this”, I just suggested, “You know what? Why don’t you just take $40K from my Life Insurance payout and hire an accountant to sort it all out for the first year.”

To which he said, “You think I don’t already have a backup plan? With all the sickness you’ve had in the past two years?”

“Seriously? A backup plan?”

“Yeah. I have Plan Alpha, Plan Beta, and more. That’s right – I have multiple backup plans.”

So there you go.

He has his own plans upon my passing.

See if I try and tell him any passwords ever again.

On to the post.


Today is the day.

I get to go from this:

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.04.33 PM

To this:

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.04.43 PM

It’s so nice of Apple to have an “Infected Tonsil Emoji” and “Tonsil-Free Emoji” just for occasions such as today – especially since they’ve failed us in so many other ways like simply giving us cheese and bacon (and poop with emotions.)

Despite Chris’ Family Body Parts Collection, he has decided that he does not, in fact, want my tonsils. Perhaps it was this Tonsil Keepsake Box convinced him how very much he didn’t want them.

 

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 10.09.38 PM

Or perhaps it was all of the times in the past month that I’ve made him look at my throat with a flashlight. But whatever the reason, I’m relieved – because it’s always less creepy to not have to ask your surgeon for your removed body parts.

I’ve been preparing for the ridiculously long recovery that is advertised with a tonsillectomy, but it’s hard to get others to understand it – it does, on the surface, seem like an easy surgery.

One conversation I had this week, in trying to explain why I’d be away from life for a while, went like this:

Friend: “I don’t understand. Tonsillectomies aren’t a big deal for kids. Why do you think it’s going to be such a long recovery for you?”

Me: “Apparently it’s way worse for adults than kids.”

Friend: “Oh I see. You mean…you mean like a circumcision?”

Me: “Yes. I’m having an Adult Tonsil Circumcision.”

So it’ll be a little while before I’m back to blogging, but I will have an absolutely delightful and very special guest next week. I promise that you will NOT want to miss this precious set of stories.

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend. No – a doubly great one – one for me and one for you.

Because this will be what I’m doing.

Bleeding Tonsil Emoji with Flesh Uvula

Too much?

My apologies.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. Kelly Lacey says:

    Good luck with your recovery.

    My father had his out a few weeks ago, and you are right, the recovery for adults is not easy..

    Here’s wishing you days of mulitiple naps and Popsicles. ;o)

    Kelly

  2. Susan Williamson says:

    Ohhh, I’ll be praying for you. I plan to die with my nasty tonsils with me. Just keep up with the pain meds and the ice cream.

  3. Michelle says:

    Sending lots of positive, pain-free karma your way! *BIG HUGS*

  4. We’ll miss you . Hope your recovery is easier than expected!

  5. Ooh, I did that a few years ago.
    My doc warned me to tell everyone around me- expect two weeks of the grouchiest me ever!
    He was right. and to the day, 2 weeks after- I felt amazing!
    Until that point it was lots of apple juice (making me hate it for a while after), sucking on a cheeto just for flavor then spitting it out, and lots of Matlock.

    Good luck!

  6. Praying for a fast recovery. But drag out the pampering as long as possible!
    My husband has his out as an adult and after a weekend of napping, he was back to work and life as usual. (And he’s a sickness wimp!)
    So, while a hard recovery is a possibility, it is not a foregone conclusion.
    !Yay for Popsicles!

  7. Guest blogger?? Will it be that Alligator lady with the cute little daughter?? Fingers crossed!!

  8. Anna Kate says:

    Hoping & praying for a speedy recovery! I can only imagine the recovery is every bit as bad as you’ve been warned, but I do hope that it is all worth it and you won’t get sick again!

  9. Good luck on your recovery! I had mine out several years ago and it was far and away one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. And I thought the recovery was a breeze compared to child birth… you get way better drugs!

    My one piece of advice: my doctor told me not to drink from a straw while I was recovering because I could poke the back of my throat and start bleeding again. Since I have never in my life poked the back of my throat with a straw (despite being incredibly clumsy), my thought was “What kind of idiot can’t drink from a straw without poking themselves in the back of the throat?” And two weeks after my surgery, this idiot did just that with an iced tea from Starbucks. So, just don’t drink from the straw! Because even if you never have been that dumb, you will be as soon as you can die from bleeding to death just from drinking an iced tea.

  10. Get well soon, Rachel! Pulling for you.

  11. So glad to hear you survived! And a little disturbed to hear of your husbands plans. Haha, just kidding. :) I hope your recovery is quick and easy and not at all like an adult circumcision!

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