Things Found on My Husband’s iPhone.

This post was pre-approved by the husband contained wherein.

Chris didn’t have the camera for his and Ali’s epic farm ride in the fancy red truck, so all of the pictures of their trip were taken with his iPhone.

And, when I went to download the pics off of it, I went ahead and downloaded them all, trying to be nice and provide backup services.

And, because his iPhone hates me because I put it’s first scratch ever on it with my engagement ring and then was too afraid to tell Chris for three days because we were on a date in Atlanta and I didn’t want him to be sad at me or ME to be sad at me while we were on our date and so I was nervous that he’d notice before I told him and he actually DID notice before I told him but he wasn’t upset because he’s like the best husband in the world, the iPhone saved all of it’s pictures in COMPLETELY random order.

(deep breath)

Which means that I had to go through ALL 587 iPhone pictures from the last two years to find the aforementioned farm pictures.

However, what the iPhone meant for evil, I shall blog for good.

It was pretty interesting – it reminded me of when I was a kid, and my Mom had a gallon Ziploc bag containing all of the rolls of film that she’d never gotten around to developing. They’d been in the same cabinet for years, but finally one year for her birthday, I took all 19 rolls to get them developed. We then went through them as a family, and remembered memories we had forgotten.

(When Ali reads this post in 10 years, her first question will be “What’s a ROLL of film?”)

Anyway, that’s what going through his iPhone was like…plus a few hilarious insights into my husband’s head.

For instance – he wasn’t faking his excitement about our Mall’s new Lego store…he was so excited that he felt the need to take this picture – of just the “Coming Soon” poster:

And, I would say that approximately 30% of his 587 photos were of food:

(I like the angelic glow on his food. I can hear the angels singing “aaaaaaaaaah”.)

…Just in case I wasn’t sure already what the way to a man’s heart was…

Speaking of which, I’m glad I made it into this photo with the food – at least I am important enough to share a photo frame with it:

Also, I got to visualize his paranoid-feeding-of-Ali habits when I’m not around:

Apparently, messy toddlers are best to be avoided at all costs…or at least at the cost of a whole roll of Bounty.

Speaking of what Chris and Ali do when I’m not around…

Now, I would like to say that I didn’t find this as hilarious as he did, but I can’t lie on my blog….

Of course, iPhone pictures aren’t the best in quality – often times blurry:Just call us the chocolate milkshake.

Sometimes these issues of blur can create scary effects, such as stump-toddler:

And this legendary photo, capturing that time that we played magician and assistant:

We still have no idea how that picture happened.

But I JUST realized that he took that picture on the aforementioned Atlanta trip RIGHT after I scratched his phone.

All of a sudden I feel like I’ve been sent a death threat from an iPhone.

Another issue that I am SURE is the iPhone’s and not Chris’ fault is the proliferation of upside-down pictures…

Like the three monkeys:

Or this one, and early picture of me and Ali duck-feeding, apparently in China:

Speaking of Ali, he got this incriminating picture of her deconstructing the rock wall at The Fish Market:

But how could anyone not forgive her???

He also managed to catch some priceless family moments with his beloved iPhone, like this picture of our exuberant family on vacation:

Obviously, we were all getting our glumness out of the way in one moment.

He also caught this one, a precious moment that I’d like to title “Breakfast Stare-down with Papa”:

And (although it’s hard to see since I didn’t Photoshop these photos in any way), his home-from-work greeting by all three of his girls – Me, Ali, and the cat:

Now this next picture of me walking into the airport to go to Blogher thankfully did NOT turn into a priceless family picture. He told me later this was the “Last glimpse of Mommy just in case her plane crashes picture”.

That man. He thinks ahead too much sometimes.

But luckily, he was able to take this picture three days later, of Ali waving to “Mommy’s Blue Plane” as it landed safely:

And then, of course, there are tailgating pictures.

Like the satellite feed as he was trying to get the dish set up:

The finally working system:

Horribly happy in-game family photos:

The tailgating wings, as he cooked them,

And the traditional spot for all wing remains:
And finally, I think he takes pictures of his dreams for the future:

She looks thrilled about this plan.

Look for a Sequel to Things Found on my Husband’s iPhone later in the week, to be published on B-Sides!!