“Boys and their mothers have a different relationship than girls and their mother. It’s just…special. You’ll see.” Mommies everywhere began telling me that in their most misty-eyed, cherish-every-moment voices when we found out that we would be having a boy. I was skeptical, because I understood girls. I “got” girls. And I was nervous about […]
Southern Genetics.
I’ve had a lot of requests for a Southern Dictionary. Yes, we’re polite. We’re always sweet and nice. We smile at everyone and call strangers sweetie, honey, and sugar pie. But we don’t always mean it. Any of it. I thought everyone knew that the phrase “Bless Your Heart” equated to giving someone the finger, […]
On Gray Matter and Parenting.
When football players get injured, they are medically required to sit the bench until they are officially approved for play by a doctor. I can imagine that this would be frustrating for those players. However, I find them to be quite fortunate. Because Mommies do not have this same luxury. I’m pretty sure that I […]
One Thorough Butt Wipe.
It’s never going to end. Ever. Until we tear our house down to the slab and rebuild the whole thing. It all began on November 5, 2012. A fateful day when my ultra-responsible firstborn child flooded her upstairs bathroom (and spent the next week explaining how she followed all the rules and did nothing wrong.) […]
When Life is a Fairytale.
Once upon a time, a Mother, a Father, a Son, and a Daughter lived in an old house on a suburban hill surrounded by lots and lots of other houses. One day, The Son was scouring the pantry to find something to eat, and he found Magic Pancake Mix. “Make Pancakes!! Make Pancakes, Mommy!” “Are […]
Sick, With a Side of Sick.
Hi! Noah here. SO. I heard you heard I was sick. It was a dark time in my life. I was so ill that there was very little that I wanted in the universe. You would think that would make me considered low-maintenance, right? But no – The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy picked that […]
Toddlers Who Lunch.
I like cooking, but I am also lazy. Consequently, we eat out far too often. And, due to their overexposure to this practice, my kids are fairly well-behaved in restaurants. However. Chris and I, being the overly sensitive people-pleasing type that we are, still have a long list of rigidly adhered-to rules about when and […]
Christmas Wins and Losses.
I fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is “never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line,” but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never trust Etsy with the timely distribution of your Christmas Cards.” The first twenty-nine steps of Christmas Card Creation were the easy […]
I’ve Always Cried Ugly.
{Fair Warning: There will be blood.} On Thanksgiving Day, we discovered Ali’s first loose tooth. This was a crucially important family moment, because her nearly two-year-old brother has developmental milestones on a daily basis. But at the age of nearly six, Ali is at somewhat of a developmental plateau, and mightily jealous about her status. […]
The Night the Cake Pops Won.
I’d like to start out by blaming my friend Jamie. Because she’s the kind of friend that grabs the popcorn and watches her friends dive off of deadly cliffs, such as the time she noted that our friend Katherine didn’t know how to use Instagram properly, but instead of educating her, she just unfollowed her, […]