Parenthood 2.0: The Response

Oh look!! I finally got an answer from Tech Support regarding my Parenthood 2.0 issues and questions…

Dear Motherboard,

Thank you for your email to our tech support department.  We will try to address all of your concerns and make suggestions for Boy Child 1.0 System Improvements.

Regarding the system crashes caused by running Boy Child 1.0 and Girl Child 5.0 simultaneously on the same Motherboard, this is not covered by your software support package.  Although we understand that many people choose to run these multiple programs congruously, they are not designed to do so.  Due to extremely intricate and unpredictable compatibility issues, multiple software packages that are run on the same Motherboard will always have some system conflicts.

However, here are some tips to try and help the issues you’re facing:

1. Try running Boy Child 1.0 on the Fatherboard after 5pm to lighten the server load and allow for a soft reset of the Motherboard.  However, this will activate the Jealousy function in Girl Child 5.0, so make sure that you rotate server load as needed.

2.  Activate The Tattletale Feature of Girl Child 5.0 to enable increased independent processing and prevent Boy Child 1.0 from causing severe system crashes or commandeering more of the operating system than it has the capability to handle.  However, depending on the font used within The Tattletale Feature, the Motherboard may identify the Tattletale Feature as Spyware and shut it down.  If this happens, simply run the Decrease Whininess function within the Girl Child 5.0 Tattletale Feature adjust the font from Curlz to Book Antiqua.

As for your other various issues with Boy Child 1.0, hopefully the following fixes will help.

It appears that a lot of your issues with Boy Child 1.0 are stemming from the Mobility Plug-In that you are currently using.  According to your system specs, you’re using Walking 0.04.  Remember that this Plug-in is still in Beta, and can cause serious issues until you upgrade to Boy Child 2.0.

Some of the issues documented so far with this Walking 0.04 Beta are:

a. Files disappearing from Fridge 4.0 and Bookshelf 3.0
b. Crashes in Coffee Table 9.0
c. Boy Child 1.0 procuring an Independence Trojan Virus that can cause multiple occurrences of the Blue Scream of Death when you try to quarantine said Virus.

(However, this Independence Trojan Virus can help with one of your other issues, which is transferring Boy Child 1.0 from a Laptop to a Desktop.  We recommend that you make this transfer before wiping the Virus from the system.)

(As a side note, it has been documented that this transfer can create an unexpected side effect within the Motherboard of a spontaneous running of Tears 3.5 and Sentimental 8.9.  Proceed with caution.)

Regarding your issues with getting the Blue Scream of Death when emptying the Recycle Bin, try running another process on Boy Child 1.0 simultaneously, such as a the Stuffed Animal or Squeaky Toy Functions.

Do not use compressed air on any areas of Boy Child 1.0.  If the Blue Scream of Death occurs when cleaning earboards and navelboards with Q-Tips, just leave them as they are.  Remember that no amount of dirt buildup will keep Boy Child 1.0 from running at optimal levels.

As far as the constant rebutts go, this is an unavoidable issue that will persist until you upgrade to Boy Child 2.5 and simultaneously run the Potty Training Plug-In.  DO NOT install the Potty Training Plug-In on an earlier version of the software or without backing up your system first – it can create severe system-wide file damages.

As far as installing Boy Child 1.0 on a Nursery Server, we hope to address this in later versions.  Just continue letting the Nursery Server administrator know that the crashes are very short-lived, and that you’re sorry for the damage to their network.

Regarding Boy Child 1.0’s Word Processing Skills, these are greatly improved upon the installation of Boy Child 1.9.  However, we recommend using the Sign Language 3.2 Plug-In until you are qualified for the software upgrade.

You are, however, qualified to upgrade to Boy Child 1.6 – this may help some of your issues.  Proceed with caution, though, as the spreadsheet functions get even more aggressive in the newer versions.

In fact, Boy Child software systems will continue to spread sheet throughout the network all the way up through the Boy Child: College Dorm version.

There have even been reported instances of the spreadsheet functions still exceeding their intended capacity in Boy Child: Newlywed Years.  Trying to minimize usage of spreadsheet functions in earlier versions can help prevent such extended issues.

As for the lack of Hibernate and Sleep modes when running Boy Child 1.0, we recommend that you turn off all system monitors overnight to allow for a hard reset of the Motherboard. Do not try to run any overnight programs, including system scans – this can cause severe slowdowns during the regular operating hours.

Regarding the Mute Function within Boy Child 1.0, we have found that placing an industrial-strength piece of Duct Tape over the speakers really helps.  Just make sure that you remove this fix before attempting to install Boy Child 1.0 onto a Nursery Server.

And finally, regarding the input and output jacks being mixed up: ALL jacks on all Boy Child software packages are two-way, especially when Marbles 5.2 or English Peas 8.5 are simultaneously run with Boy Child 1.0.  There is, unfortunately, no fix for this issue.

Sincerely,

Rajiv Gidwani
Technical Support Specialist

For the transcript of both parts of this conversation to read or share, click here.