Chris’ Aunt Kitty and Uncle Leo came in town for Christmas celebrations. They were staying at our house, despite the fictional package thief that surely puts our neighborhood in the Top Ten Least Safe Places to hang out.
Since the weather was ridiculously hot over Christmas and the following weekend (even bringing tornadoes and what-not), one night Kitty and Leo were outside in our yard after dark.
Kitty came running in, looking rather scared, and told me, “Somebody just drove by and asked me if I was a Callahan – in an ominous voice!!”
“What?? What do you mean?”
“Well, I was outside, and I saw a car coming, then the car started slowing down so I started back toward the house just in case somebody was about to jump out of the car, and then they rolled down their window and said, ‘Is that a Callahan?’ So I stammered and said, ‘well, yes, but I’m an Aunt…’, and I took off back to the house. And they just drove away!”
“What were they driving?”
She described the car, and I began mentally taking inventory of our neighbor’s cars, looking for a match.
OOOOOH.
Of course it was.
“Was she young? Long hair?”
“Yes…”
“It had to have been Renee.”
“You mean Not-Crazy-Renee?”
“The very one. I’ll ask her.”
So I texted her.
We all laughed about our incredibly vigilant neighborhood watch while the children listened, puzzled. Ali, who is just old enough to be concerned with understanding context and nuance, asked, “When you say ‘Not-Crazy-Renee’, is the ‘Not-Crazy’ part sarcastic?”
Which I immediately informed Renee of Ali’s confidence in her.
Now. It deserves noting here that dear Renee is really not-at-all crazy, and was just the victim of overfriendliness, darkness, and the allure of Christmas Cheer. She had driven the long way back to her house so that she and her children could bask in the delight of our house’s Christmas lights. While she was driving up, she noticed someone out in the yard and assumed it was one of us. Too dark to tell for sure, she called out a friendly greeting (one that Kitty apparently didn’t hear as she was backing away from the vehicle that was certainly up to no good in her mind.) When Renee didn’t get an answer, she yelled out, “Is that a Callahan?” in a joking tone.
But alas. Perception is everything. And when all you hear is a grilling of the status of your surname by an unknown car in the dark, you naturally go to a fearful place. Poor Not-Crazy-Renee had been set up by the world.
Later, after the children had moved on, I was still marveling over Not-Crazy-Renee’s yard occupant check. I texted her.
“I just love that you’re doing drive-by identity checks.”
She texted back, and I read her text aloud to Kitty and Leo.
“Renee says, ‘I will be leaving slips of paper in everyone’s mailbox with a randomly selected ‘Neighborhood Password’ on a bi-weekly basis. I will then patrol the neighborhood in the evenings, and anyone who is unable to produce the password will be harassed, or shot on sight, depending on my mood. Be sure to inform your guests.’”
After I finished reading it, I looked up to see Leo’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Are you KIDDING ME?!?”
Clearly he wasn’t buying the “not-crazy” modifier either. Or she’d spooked him more than he’d let on.
I went back to Not-Crazy-Renee and informed her that Leo took her quite seriously.
Then again, the Leo in question is Toenail-Art-Making, Crochet-Shorts-To-A-Formal-Ball-Wearing Uncle Leo. So he may or may not be the best judge of crazy. Either that, or he and Not-Crazy-Renee are such kindred spirits that he naturally believes in her.
The cry-laughing emoji was quite appropriate for that situation. Ha!
I am still laughing about the whole situation. Yes, yes I am a Callahan. However, this very nice young woman put quite a scare on me. I thought she was an aunt stealer.
Are you SURE you’re a Callahan!? I demand to see your credentials. Two forms of government-issued picture ID, an original birth certificate (copies not accepted), and a marriage certificate (if applicable) should suffice.
Perhaps I AM an aunt stealer, Kitty, and this is all an elaborate ruse to lull you into a false sense of security
I was totally going to say something if you didn’t… i mean… I don’t think Leo and Kitty have any grounds to stand on about not so crazy renee possibly being crazy based on what we know about Uncle Leo!!!!
Heather, I would like to personally thank you for your willingness to step up and defend my honor/sanity! :-)
I’m holding back tears of laughter! I am so glad you linked the toenail-art-making post, I had never read it before. It’s all just too funny.
That’s it, I’m moving to your neighborhood. It’s cooler than mine.
LOL! Renee just gets better and better! Love it!
As I was cleaning my house the other day I found a toe nail clipping. I thought to myself… “Now where was it that I saw that someone made “art” from toenails?” Thanks for the reminder!
I want to live in your neighborhood :)
This entire situation is hilarious and I love that Not-Crazy-Renee now has her own category within your blog.
Yes! I don’t even think she’s noticed that yet…I hope she fills it up thoroughly in the future.
HILARIOUS! I am behind on my blog reading, so I”m late to this party. Please give us more Exploits of Not Crazy Renee followed by unsuccessful explanations to confirm her sanity! LOL!