Trendiness-Index.jpg

Grab a calculator (okay let’s be real – pull up the calculator on your iPhone.) Be prepared to add up your trendiness.

+100 if you CrossFit. It’s more than an exercise group – it’s a religion.
+10 if you’re also Paleo.
+20 if you actually IronTribe – because everyone knows they’re the only one that interpret the holy scriptures of WOD correctly.
+25 if you’ve recruited your spouse to CrossFit.
+200 if you have your children or your dog doing CrossFit.

 

+65 if you self-identify as a hipster.
+10 if you live in a coffee shop. Like, literally live there and they either haven’t noticed or don’t care because you buy enough dirty chai to pay for rent.
+15 if you wear glasses that once belonged to Woody Allen.
+20 if you wear flannel that once belonged to Tim Allen.
+25 if you have a naturally unpleasant odor that you don’t even have to work for.
+30 if you sleep on a pillow you bought at the Thrift Store – pillowcase and all.

 

+60 if you use Essential Oils to heal your family of all their ails.
+10 if you’re an Oil Sword Drill master and can correctly name the oil treatment for any ailment in less than 5 seconds.
+20 if you can work a mention or hashtag about oils into any Instagram or Facebook caption.
+250 if your oil MLM of choice had to create a new echelon of achievement to describe you. (“I’m so thrilled to announce that I am now a Double Black Diamond Platinum Tiara Bonanza Lamborghini Director! Thank you Jesus for my oils!”)

 

+55 if you’re a downtown dweller. The suburbs are out and urbanity is in, people.
+20 if you live in a historical loft.
+25 if your historical loft boasts of original asbestos.
+30 if your historical loft contains vintage dead bodies of former squatters.
+100 if you can convincingly act like you’ve never heard of it when a large suburb of your city is mentioned.

 

+50 if you’re adopting or have adopted.
+10 if you’re adopting or have adopted internationally.
+50 if this is your second adoption.
+75 if you’ve adopted from multiple countries.
+1,000 if you’re adopting while pregnant with naturally-conceived triplets.

 

+50 if you derive the majority of your caffeine intake from iced coffee.
+10 if you Instagram a picture of your coffee order every time – even if it’s the same. Every time.
+15 if your Instagram largely consists of coffee memes.
+20 if you celebrate “Fall Cups Day” and “Winter Cups Day.”
+50 if you have considered getting a separate cell phone for your Starbucks account so you don’t have to hand the drive-thru barista your good phone to scan.

 

+45 if you believe live tweeting is your civic duty.
+5 if you live tweet award shows and/or pageants.
+15 if you live tweet sporting events and/or political debates.
+25 if you live tweet funerals and/or arguments with your spouse.

 

+40 if you have an iPhone.
+10 if you have an iPad.
+15 if you have a MacBook Pro.
+25 if you beg your friends to get an iPhone so their texts won’t be green.
+40 if you have a nickname for non-iPhone friends who ruin texting groups. (i.e. “Kayla is so The Green Ruiner of my friends group.”)
+1,500 if you have a MacBook Pro but take an old PC to Starbucks just to be different.

 

+40 if you have religiously strong ethical principals about local economy.
+10 if you eat/buy local.
+20 if you only eat at restaurants within walking distance of your home.
+650 if you subsist only on micro-greens (weeds) grown in your front yard and insects harvested from inside your home.

 

+40 if you’re a homeschooler.
+35 if you attend Classical Conversations. Because we all know it’s The Homeschool Cult.
+10 if you homeschooled before it was cool.
+20 if you’re a second-generation homeschooler.
+15 if you started your own co-op like a bomb.
+140 if your high schooler is earning dual credits for high school and college.
+1,000 if your junior higher is earning dual credits for high school and college.

 

+35 if you’re a Trader Joe’s superfan.
+10 if your Instagrams of your Trader Joe’s purchases actually show at least one item that doesn’t have “Pumpkin” in the title.
+30 if you have driven 2+ states to get to a Trader Joe’s.
+20 if you have considered working at Trader Joe’s for better access to high demand inventory.

 

+30 if you have or have had a Tinder account.
+20 if you met your spouse on Tinder.
+200 if you met your ex-spouse on Tinder.

 

+30 if you’re a runner.
+10 if you’re a trail runner.
+15 if you’re an ultra runner.
+25 if you’re an ultra trail runner.
+30 if you’re a barefoot runner.
+35 if you’re a barefoot ultra trail runner.
+200 if you’re female and you can run in those tiny tight short thingies and actually look good doing it.

 

+25 if you have special dietary needs.
+10 if you’re gluten free.
+15 if you’re dairy free.
+20 if you’re vegan.
+25 if you eat meats, milk and cheese but not eggs because when you sit and think about what eggs are it makes you gag a little.
+250 if you subsist entirely on a juice cleanse.

 

+15 if you consider yourself a Photographer.
+10 if you use actual film.
+15 if you use a polaroid.
+20 if you don’t believe in Instagram.
+10 if you frequently post photos of the sunset.
+20 if you tag meteorologist celebrities in your photos of the sunset.

 

+10 if you eat out of a food truck at least once a week.
+30 if you buy a daily artisan popsicle from a cart.
+50 if you love food truck culture so much that you’ve considered starting one.
+500 if you sell fake marijuana popsicles in New York City while sporting Alabama license plates.

 

+5 if you’re a music aficionado.
+10 if you only listen to Spotify.
+15 if you reach your max cell phone data by the 5th of the month solely due Spotify.
+35 if you send small checks to your favorite artists each month out of guilt over their miniscule streaming royalties.
+300 if you installed a record player in your Prius.

 

Miscellaneous Additions:
+10 if you’re a YouTube celebrity (+20 if no one in your real life knows it.)
+15 if your favorite season is fall.
+20 if you’re not on Facebook on principle.
+30 if you’re still personally researching Adnan Syed’s innocence.
+40 if you’ve posted a photo of yourself riding a hybrid rental bicycle.

 

Miscellaneous Deductions
-10 if you eat at Ruby Tuesday or Applebee’s.
-20 if you’ve ever left Facebook on principle, only to return a week later, head hanging in shame.
-15 if you regularly Instagram your food. That’s so 2013.
-10 if you take selfies with duck lips. That’s so 2012.
-10 if you still drink Pumpkin Spiced anything. That’s so 2011.
-20 if you’re a blogger. That’s so 2010.

 

Additions from ideas from Readers:
+30 if you had a baby via natural labor.
+10 if you had that baby at home.
+20 if you had that baby in a kiddie pool.
+300 if you had a non-medicated emergency c-section at home in that kiddie pool.

+20 if you adopt a dog.
+10 if the dog is a rescue.
+10 if the rescue dog is a mutt.
+20 if you have sad pre-resue pictures of your dog.
+25 if you hashtag that the dog is a rescue on every picture.
+30 if you use the term “furbaby.”
+20 if your dog has their own hashtag.

+30 if you have attempted a Whole30 diet.
+50 if you actually finished it, with 100% integrity.
+10 if your stomach was never the same again. In very unpleasant ways.

 

Understanding Your Score:

0 – 100: You’re so untrendy that you’re actually the trendiest. You’re most likely a hipster who is totally into things that aren’t at all cool now but will be what everyone is talking about next week.

105 – 200: You’re actually just untrendy. You have a flip phone and may not have even heard of social media yet. You’re that mom that says to her teenage daughter, “I just discovered the coolest new flavor – have you ever tried anything that was Pumpkin Spice??”

205 – 300: You’re mildly trendy. You are that person that starts doing things a year or two after everyone else, but you always get around to it. You’re still enjoying Facebook and see no need in checking out Snapchat, and your iPhone 4S is still working just fine, thankyouverymuch.

305 – 400: You’re trendy, but you keep your own personal style. You like Starbucks, but you don’t feel the need to talk about it. You listen to Taylor Swift, but you resent her for it.

405 – 500: You are seriously trendy. You shop at Anthropologie, never leave home without smelling like an oil, and ‘gram your life away.

505 – 600: You trend like Miley twerks. Frantically and a bit awkward to watch, but surprisingly well-done.

605+: You are so trendy that it’s trendy to be you. In fact, you may not be human – you may be a walking trend. Get tested immediately.

Report your score below for crucial research purposes.

57 thoughts on “The 2015 Trendiness Index.

  1. Let’s see… I have an iPhone (it was free) and an iPad (it was a gift), I kind of hate iMessage and turned it off so all my messages are green.

    I drink coldbrew coffee in the summer that I make myself at home.

    And I do love Trader Joe’s but I am not a superfan. Also I had a pumpkin spice latte (just one) last month.

    So I guess I’m so desperately unhip that I’ve come back around again?

      1. +20 if you adopt a dog.
        +10 if the dog is a rescue.
        +10 if the rescue dog is a mutt.
        +20 if you have sad pre-resue pictures of your dog.
        +25 if you hashtag that the dog is a rescue on every picture.
        +30 if you use the term “furbaby.”
        +20 if your dog has their own hashtag.

        Bwahaha…

        OK, we adopted a dog, he was a rescue, he is a mutt, and he does have his own hashtag. I guess I’m edging further into lame.

        But he is not my furbaby. :)

  2. I’m an 85, due to deductions for eating at Ruby Tuesday on occasion and for leaving FB but coming back a week later.

    I almost had to add points for not eating eggs. It does gross me out when I think about it, but I eat them anyway. I “occasionally” take sunset photos, and I only sometimes tag a celebrity meteorologist for the ones I take.

  3. I’m 20. I believe the kids are calling that “normcore.”

    I will never give up my Ruby Tuesday Mac & Cheese!

  4. I got 280: I have adopted and we are in the process of adopting a sibling set of 2 (although, does it count if it’s through the foster system?); I have an iPhone, iPad, and MacBook Pro; I also beg the android users in my life to PLEASE get an iPhone; I am a homeschooler, homeschooled before it was cool, and I am a second generation homeschooler; I am a “runner” (although I hate it). I got a deduction for liking pumpkin spiced things. However, despite the description in my score category, I do have Snapchat and the most recent iPhone. haha

      1. Your dog additions gave me another 60, which describes me perfectly. I do love target and resent Taylor Swift. Lol

  5. I scored a 70- have an iPad and iPhone and love Fall. I would love to be able to eat more locally grown foods, but considering our province is covered in ice and snow for 6-7 months a year; that just isn’t possible

    I depend on our 19 and 14 year old daughters to help me understand/ keep up with the current trends..

  6. Well I was 110, but I do like pumpkin spice, so I’m a 100. Iced coffee + photographer + fall – pumpkin spice. I used to own all of the above mentioned iStuffs but have since wised up and gone Android. I do own an iMac still, but that wasn’t on the list :)

  7. I feel like my score came out lower than it should have because I only cute about HALF my family’s woes with essential oils and we live in the “suburbs”. But half-crazy about oils should count for something, and these suburbs were created in the 1920’s, so that should give me back some points….

    Wait. Why do I care? Am I TRYING to be trendy? What’s going on here….

    1. Yes, old suburbs gives you half points on the downtown dweller. And I added a couple more reader suggestions at the bottom so perhaps those will bump your score back up to where it feels like it should be. :-)

  8. Well I was decidedly untrendy (lots of iStuff) until I stopped at a RubyTuesday’s this past weekend and fell into the undiscovered hipster zone. Though I might have blasted out of the park as my homeschooled 8th grader is currently taking Geometry and Spanish 1 in hopes to clep out of some college courses. However, she isn’t CURRENTLY dual enrolled, and we don’t own any goats, so I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count….

  9. I scored about 10. I love my android, I hate all Apple devices. I don’t run. I was home schooled once, and it was miserable. I only recently heard of Trader Joe’s. Guess I am super uncool and I am okay with that.

  10. I’m so untrendy, I’m trendy! I scored 15 for having a Macbook, but I should probably deduct points for the sweet tea that spilled on it and made some of the keys stick! Clever post!

  11. 30 points if you count having 3 iPads as 10 points each…. otherwise I have a whopping 10 points. One of our iPads was given to me from my mom because she wanted to get a new one (it’s the first generation – I can’t even update the software on it). Then the other two are technically my kids iPad airs that my parents got because my dad got a nice bonus at work and they were feeling generous :)

  12. Yep, untrendy. That’s not news to me. I’m fine with it too. Maybe when the twins get a little older, I can discover something to be trendy with again, like homeschool or whatnot. :)
    this is fun.

  13. LOL! This is hilarious! And my homeschooling pushed me into the mildly trendy section which totally describes me…I always finally get on the bandwagon a couple years after everyone else! And I definitely see no reason to Snapchat! :)

  14. 165. Second gen homeschooler with hand me down Apple products. And if I lived in the US I’d be at Trader Joes all the time :)

  15. No surprise to me – I got a 0. Yep – zero. Although I would have scored higher iny former life due to a healthy obsession with chicken & waffles from food trucks. Oh & BBQ, fish tacos, really anything :) But my glamorous life as a stay at home Mama with two littles doesn’t allow me to pursue my inner foodie outside of my own kitchen.
    I’d say +5 for music, but I’m definitely not an aficionado, I’ve only bought 3 albums in the past 5 years… Sad I know. So I’m not an aficionado, just a casual listener :)

  16. My score was 170. I’m not sure whether to feel proud or embarrassed. I guess that’s the life of an untrendy person.

  17. Homeschooler + before it was cool + fall – Ruby Tuesday – pumpkin spice + adopted dog + rescue dog = 75. I think.. I homeschooled so I can’t always trust my counting.. ha.

  18. 85.

    +40 for my iPhone, +75 for homeschool and CC, -20 for leaving FB on principle and crawling back, -10 for the pumpkin spice K Cups that I’m pretty sure we’ve had since 2011. I’ve never been in a trader joes and I’m honestly not sure what they sell. Really. I have a vague notion that maybe they sell a special butter of some kind?

  19. What in the world??? I’m so untrendy that I am trendy. Hmmmm, yeah, that’s about right #storyofmylife #orsoiliketopretend

  20. Yay! Three home birthed babies, all in water, one in an actual kiddie pool– with fish! My trendiness is solidified! Lol!

  21. I was worried for bit that I would get no points! I got 90. I have decided that I want to dye my hair and was considering going with grey, as my natural colour is bright red. I’m pretty sure that trend is at least a few years past date. Maybe by the time I do anything, whatever I pick will be cool again.

    +40 if you’re a homeschooler.
    +20 if you’re a second-generation homeschooler.

    +30 if you had a baby via natural labor.
    +10 if you had that baby at home.

    -10 if you eat at Ruby Tuesday or Applebee’s.

    (+20 if you had that baby in a kiddie pool. I don’t think I can count this one because it was a official birthing pool.)

  22. I’m not counting the “Fall is your favorite season” one because I actually refer to it as “Football Season.”
    I only occasionally post sunset and tag a meteorologist, but he’s not a celebrity- he’s my hubby.
    I’ve only driven across 1 state for a TJ’s.
    Big fat 0 score… Until I got to the add-ons.
    Adopted a rescued mutt.
    Final score: 30.

  23. +55 if you’re a downtown dweller. The suburbs are out and urbanity is in, people.
    +40 if you have an iPhone.
    +10 if you have an iPad.
    +25 if you beg your friends to get an iPhone so their texts won’t be green.
    +10 if your Instagrams of your Trader Joe’s purchases actually show at least one item that doesn’t have “Pumpkin” in the title.
    +15 if you consider yourself a Photographer.
    +10 if you frequently post photos of the sunset.
    +20 if you tag meteorologist celebrities in your photos of the sunset.
    +5 if you’re a music aficionado.
    +15 if your favorite season is fall.
    -15 if you regularly Instagram your food. That’s so 2013.
    -10 if you still drink Pumpkin Spiced anything. That’s so 2011.
    -20 if you’re a blogger. That’s so 2010.
    +30 if you have attempted a Whole30 diet

    I’m looking at 190 — contingent upon Avondale being classified as downtown and if one meal of whole 30 counts?

  24. Yeah, I could have told you I’m completely untrendy. I just moved farther out than the suburbs, buying a house on 5 acres in the country. Directions include: Go toward “tiny little town” but turn before you get there. . . Of course, my use of an iPhone/iPad and penchant for taking pictures of anything (including both sunsets and food) does give me a score with both positive and negative points, leaving me with about a 35, as I also like to eat/buy local if I can. But, with the acreage I’ll be growing my own food and harvesting my own eggs before too long. Does that effect my score at all?

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