THE SPACE TOASTER, FLEXI – Age 5, of Birmingham, passed away October 28, 2015. Funeral will be at The Assembly of Towing Impound Lot at noon on Friday. Flexi will be remembered fondly by her friends and family. She had a heart for others and ultimately made the journey to the other side while sacrificing herself for the passengers inside when they had an unfortunate meeting with someone coming the other direction who decided Flexi’s lane looked more fun.
(It was fun. Until they got in it. But two’s a crowd.)
Flexi will be buried with her most prized possessions – an impressive collection of vintage Chick-Fil-A Waffle Fries, lost squinkies, sticks and rocks and leaves that little passengers thought looked “really cool”, an inexplicably misplaced shoe or two, sticky juice splatters on the rear windows, giant drifts of invisible-to-children garbage in the back seat (The kind so impossible to see that it cannot be found when children are reminded every time they return home, “Pick up all your trash as you get out of the car!”), and a brand new coating of iced coffee that gave her interior a fresh pick-me-up smell as it coated the car in caramel goodness at the point of impact.
Flexi will also be missed for her fascinating and eclectic mix of music on her hard drive, including the previous owner’s R&B and the current owner’s Alanis Morissette, Watermark, R.E.M., and Veggie Tales Singalong albums. Flexi lived a full life, seeing countless numbers of stunning sunsets, chuckling at the same conversations being held daily (“Mommy! Can you pick up my toy? I dropped it.” “No, son. I’m driving.”), and taking the owners on wild snow hunts, fall foliage hunts, and epic camping trips.
Flexi was especially talented at the technical aspects of driving, including a navigation system that could be trusted anywhere except in downtown Atlanta (“They change their roads too often – that was NOT a one-way road two years ago!”, Flexi used to defend), a voice command system that never quite got the hang of understanding her owner’s southern accent, and eternally helpful traffic reports on the go.
Flexi’s family is hoping to adopt a close relative of Flexi to pay homage to her dedication over the years.
The family would now appreciate it if you would all hum “In the Arms of an Angel” in unison as a show of mourning for the recently departed Flexi The Space Toaster.
Full story to come soon.
Poor Flexi. She had a good life with many adventures. I will hum cause you know I can not sing.
Oh goodness, Rachel! I’m glad you’re okay! Poor Flexi!
Hope your neck is feeling better and the kids are still unscathed. I still prefer not to drive in certain conditions after a teenager totalled my car after blowing through a red light quite a few years ago – an accident like that is pretty shocking. Hope you make many fond memories with your new vehicle!
Oh no! I’m glad y’all are ok
Wow, looks like a scary story! Glad you are okay.. And I jumped back to your squinkie post which I had never read and laughed quite hard. We came late to the squinkie party and now they don’t seem to make them anymore. I tried to order some from amazon and wound up mistakenly ordering what I believe is called a zinkie? It’s smaller than a squinkie – think boogie sized – and therefore gets lost in the carpet! Genius idea.
I still remember you duct taping poor flexi back together in true alabama style on our road trip earlier this year….. Fond memories…. Fond memories…
This is the best obituary for a non-living being that I have ever read.
May she rest in pieces.
Wow it doesn’t seem like it’s been 5 years since you got her! I hope you find a nice relative of poor Flexi to welcome into your family!
Rest in peace, Flexi. You did your job well.
Sigh, “in the arms of an angel” is the only song I can ever sing for karaoke. I just don’t know enough popular stuff. I once had a drunk lady come up to me afterwards and tell me that my rendition was so beautiful it made her cry. Other people kept looking at me funny for knitting in a bar.
I remember your search for a new vehicle because it happened while I was also searching. I had asked my hubby if we could get a Flex even tho it was a ford and he told me it was way too ugly. “Why are you so attracted to ugly cars?” Men are so insensitive!