I saw an image tweeted by a Twitter friend, Abbey Crain, that I couldn’t believe was real. Surely this was in a list of “The Worst Advice the Internet Ever Offered” or something similar.
So I googled the entire phrase on the “tip” to see for myself what kind of list would disseminate such horrible advice.
And it was a Cosmopolitan article. Written in all seriousness. Filled with other tips and tricks that might actually be considered useful.
This, this, THIS shows what the magazine industry believes is useful information these days.
WHO WOULD DO THAT?!?!
First of all, does the tube really take up that much extra room in your bag? If you compared the square inches needed of four tubes versus a pillbox, which is more inconvenient?
Second of all, YOU’VE JUST RUINED FOUR PERFECTLY GOOD TUBES OF LIPSTICK IN THE NAME OF TRAVEL.
Third, now you have to pack some sort of awkward lipstick brush or worse, get lipstick under your fingernails in the attempt to get the product out of the pillbox and onto your lips.
And finally. WHO WOULD DO THAT?!?!
I have never seen a more blatant case of cosmetic abuse in my life.
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Now that I’ve shared with you the secret life of a blogger’s inbox, I thought you would probably want to see this PR pitch I received last week.
Um…what?
After a few days of mulling over how Cheryl was proposing that if I cleaned more thoroughly I could or could not impact my marriage, I finally broke and clicked on the link out of pure burning curiosity.
Turns out, it’s an weakly-supported yet slightly bitter infographic with one clear intention: to get guys to help out with the chores.
So there you go.
But guys, if cleaning doesn’t help, maybe try these?
Or maybe it’s time to replace your comforter?
Because nothing says romance better than a disembodied dog head watching it all.
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I found this product at Sam’s Club.
So much confusion.
If it’s sugar-free and a spray, what exactly makes this candy?
Toddler lisps are only cute on toddlers. NOT on flavor names. Who approved this decision?
And why is Garfield inexplicably hanging out with a sunglass-wearing blueberry?
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Everyone else gets told nicely, but the Germans must be yelled at.
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I might sometimes show you the weirder sides of living in the south, but I promise,
promise,
PROMISE
that every house does not have one of these.
It makes….realistic shotgun sounds…when you pull the trigger.
I’m not saying there haven’t been times that I’ve wanted to shoot the toilet. But I have an unbendable household rule that bans any product containing the phrase “if it’s brown it’s down”.
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While shipping internationally, I had to fill out a form that included these checkboxes.
Who knew that Day-Old Poultry had its own category?
And who ships Day-Old Poultry…internationally??
And if they’re not shipping overnight, can they still click Day-Old Poultry?
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And finally. I was given a delightful French Press Coffee Maker that especially thrilled my husband.
But not only is it delightful, it is humble.
I will never be able to look at Elmo the same again. I am scarred for life. Excuse me while I go scrub my brain with bleach.
In Canada, our novelty plungers are in the shape of apologetic hockey sticks.
I love you.
No matter what you say in German, it sounds like it is coming from a drill sergeant. Ich liebe dich!
haha! “It’s PROBABLY the best coffee…” but we don’t want to brag or make promises you might sue us about later!
I am disappointed. Cheryl is no Andy/Steve!
Nobody can ever replace AndySteve. Ever.
You gave me some great ideas for Christmas gifts!
The good-‘old LTD catalogue is at it again :) You have to admit though, some of those things in their catalogue would make great gag gifts!! Or maybe a Christmas White-Elephant gift.
Well, back when I briefly considered getting chickens, I looked into how they were shipped. Day old poultry is the way live chicks would generally be sent. BUT, they have to be able to stay warm enough to survive the trip. So if you live within a certain distance of the shipping center, you could get a small number of chicks. But if you lived further away, there was a larger minimum order, because they needed to be able to keep each other warm with body heat. *****the more you know…… swooosh****
On the other hand, shipping day old poultry internationally? Hopefully that check box was there for the “uh, not allowed” option or something!
And did you know you can send bees through US mail? The beekeeper I was speaking to said that’s how bees are delivered when you get a new hive. And for some reason the post office usually calls you the instant they open to be like “come get your bees NOW PLEASE” – I have no idea why they wouldn’t want a box of bees hanging out at the office all day! :)
My guess is that the “candy” is a candy because otherwise it would be a dietary supplement and regulated by the FDA. Sketchy manufactures dodging FDA regulations…..
If Elmo boxers and a giant pug staring at you in bed can’t spice up things in the bedroom, I don’t know what will.
My husband delivers mail for the USPS and he is always delivering live animals, chicks, fish, bugs you name it. It’s the only way to ship!
If he were old enough he might have at one point gotten to deliver children. But I think that only happened like twice. In the 1800s. So I’m assuming he’s not old enough.
I get that crazy catalog! Not sure why, because I certainly never asked for it, but at least it’s entertaining. My all-time favorite was the cat nativity set. Mary, Joseph, Jesus, wise men, the whole shebang…except they were all cats. Baby Jesus was a tabby kitten.
That is beyond fabulous. I might need to find that.
When I went to Sierra Leone, there was a billboard I saw that always made me chuckle…”Carlsberg Beer…probably the best beer!” As I was underage and on a mission trip (and don’t like beer) I didn’t get to find out if it lived up to its advertising.
So, you get the same catalogs I get! Elmo shorts, shotgun plungers. That lipstick thing was stupid beyond reason. Thanks for sharing all these, they made me smile!
Clearly, I’m missing out by not receiving this catalog… It’s “probably” the best free reading material out there.