A Dissolution of Moral Fibers.

You know how when you first walk into the Monkey House at the Zoo, you say “Oh, it smells TERRIBLE in here!!”, then you stay a little longer, and say “Well, it’s not so bad…”, and by the time you leave, you can’t smell it at all? 

You, my friend, have been living in the Monkey House.

— Tim Gunn; Philosopher, Sage, and Host of Project Runway

America, we are living in the Monkey House.

We have left behind the girth of our moral standards, and have immersed ourselves in a sea of gigantic, cheap, lazy fleece.

It all started with The Snuggie.

Remember when it came out?

We all laughed, gave them as gag gifts, and scoffed at the nonexistent person who actually might consider wearing one.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that The Snuggie was THE joke of 2008.

Then came 2009.  And 2010.  And 2011.

The Snuggie pressed on, marketing itself to the masses in a myriad of (un)attractive prints and team logos.

And then, we caved.

I now actually know normal people that proudly own Snuggies.

We so overwhelmingly sold our souls to the Snuggie that they even began making them for pets.

Snuggie Dog

Can you not feel the mortification in that dog’s eyes???

But as bad as the invasion of the Snuggie was (and is), the fact that it mainly stays hidden within our homes does, at least, minimize it’s damage.

But it’s impact on the moral fortitude of America’s fashion is the real issue.

The laziness that is intrinsic in “A Blanket that gives you full use of your arms!!” paved the road for the introduction of Pajama Jeans – a product that would have been scoffed and scorned and maligned in the Old World.

pajama jeans logo

But in the new, Snuggie-Accepting world, they have sadly been welcomed with open arms.

Even – and this is where it gets bad – in normal, out-of-the-house use.

Now granted, The Snuggie wasn’t the only thing that led to this atrocity.  I blame People of Walmart for this cultural degradation as well.  Because previously, when people began to wear something out that had “pajama” in the title, they would hear Stacy and Clinton on their shoulder saying “NEVER wear pajamas out of the house!!”.  But now, people simply justify their actions by telling their Stacy and Clintons, “Well I STILL look better than anyone ever featured on People of Walmart!”

Back to Pajama Jeans.

At this juncture, some of you may be feeling a bit defensive.

“Why CAN’T I wear pajamas that look like denim? They’re much more comfortable!! And they look like denim!!”

So I shall take a moment to elaborate.

First of all, the price.

Pajama Jeans

That’s a total of $47.90 for a pair of cotton pajama bottoms.

Forty seven dollars and ninety cents.

I PROMISE you that you can easily find a pair of real jeans that do what real jeans are supposed to do AND that are extremely comfortable for less than $47.90.

Second, the fit.

Nearly fifty bucks, and these “jeans” don’t even flatter the models.

Pajama Jeans Closeup

See that bunching?  The bulging?  That awkwardly snug crotch?

If they don’t look like jeans on the strategically-chosen models, they’re not going to look like jeans on you or me or ANYONE.

And finally, the rear view.

Pajama Jeans Mom Jeans

Clearly you can see that the curvature of the butt ends below the pocket, concisely defining these as Mom Jeans.

I beg of you.  Don’t pay $47.90 for a knock-off pair of Mom Jeans.  Get the real thing for $18 at Wal-Mart!

AND YET.

Pajama Jeans are not even the worst atrocity of our generation of loungewear.  They just further paved the way for The King of Fashion Death…

The Forever Lazy.

Forever Lazy Gray

Need more details?

Forever Lazy Features

Now, if they were marketing this bodysuit of awfulness as gag gift sleepwear, that would be one thing.

But no – it’s “perfect for tailgating!!!”

Forever Lazy Tailgating

And, speaking of tailgating, it comes with it’s own handy one:

Forever Lazy Drop Seat

… because who wants their entire fleece onesie to be dragging on the bottom of the tailgating port-o-potty??

And of course it comes in the stylish, albeit ironically named, Hanky Pinky Fuchsia.

Forever Lazy Model

(I bet that model was thrilled the day she got the callback for that gig.)

Hurry, America.  Don’t walk, but run out of the Monkey House before it’s too late.

Otherwise, don’t blame me when the guests show up at your funeral dressed in nothing but an ugly, leopard-print blanket.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. I think you are being an excellent blogger and friend by posting this. Because friends don’t let friends wear pajamas out of the house.

    • Yes I am. However, you would be horrified at the chipped state of my toenails right now, so don’t get too carried away of your praise of me.

  2. But Rachel … they look like denim and they’re comfy…. *pout*

    (Just to be clear, I do not wear pajama jeans. I do however wear yoga pants ALL THE TIME… so I’m kind of guilty.)

    • At least Yoga pants look like what they’re supposed to look like. And, as you said yourself, your clothing is always covered up by giant winter coats! So you’re totally exonerated. :)

  3. Ha ha, I don’t even own any sweat pants. I have this recurring nightmare that a pair of sweatpants will meet up with a sweatshirt in my drawers and they’ll breed and before I know it I’ll be the stay at home mom who wears nothing but dingy clothes every day :)

    • Oooh… that IS frightening. Although I must admit I do wear pajama-like clothing most of the time AT HOME. At home fashion is completely up to the comfort needs of the individual.

  4. I love that Tim Gunn quote! What was the context? Project Runway?

    I discovered yesterday when searching hand-me-downs passed on to Aria for fire victims that we were actually given a pair of pajama jeans for a toddler! On the one hand, stretch is important when wrestling a baby int pants. On the other hand…pajama jeans!

    • Yes, he said it last season about an outfit one of the guys made… it was a beautiful moment.

      I bet those pajama jeans of Aria’s were actually baby jeggings – I’ve seen a bunch from Children’s Place.

  5. My brother likes to do his Christmas shopping in bulk. That means that everybody on his list gets the same gift. That means that our family received EIGHT SNUGGIES for Christmas this year. Yes, even the 18-month old gets one.

  6. When I married my husband we talked about what kind of lounge wear I wore (sexy vs comfort) he said “I don’t care what you wear as long as I can take it off but just don’t turn into one of those women that wears sweatpants all the time”.

    How about those men at the tailgate party…now that has to be a desperate modeling job to pay the bills.

    Love this post.

  7. Kristina Franklin says:

    Lol! Okay! I’ll be the first to admit it. I bought the pajama jeans (but I did use a $10 off coupon) just to try them out! They were pretty comfy around the house. Stop reading now if you plan to defriend me after hear this…I did wear them to work one time. To my defense, my baby belly had out grown my regular jeans and my maternity jeans from last time was way too big. It was my only option. I immediately when out and bought maternity jeans the fit. Ha! Ha!

  8. Qoumidan says:

    I have a snuggie that I stopped using bc a plain blanket works fine. I am a big fan of blankets in general and have them all over my house. My sister bought the pajama jeans after they started selling them at Fred Meyer so she didn’t have to pay the shipping. She doesn’t like the way they look and was going to sell them to me but they fit funny and were too big.

    I don’t know if that means we’ve learned a lesson.

    I”ve been wearing fleece sweats and yoga pants out in public lately but I hope that since I’m pregnant that gives me a semi excuse.

    As for my real pajamas… I don’t think it’s legal in my state to go out naked…

  9. Holy inappropriateness! That forever lazy looks awful. They should at least consider a bootcut option.

    PJ jeans on a baby and toddler also look ridiculous, especially with their huge diaper.

  10. Hahaha….I have to laugh….at the Snuggie and Forever Lazy….and I have to laugh at myself for having two pair of pajama jeans!! *signs up for self-help class* :)

    I must argue that they are insanely comfortable, though. And if we have company at our house, I don’t have to worry about getting dressed when I go downstairs…

  11. Amanda in WA says:

    oh. my. word. Sooo hilarious. A tailgating party? SERRRIOUSLY?!? I support your views wholeheartedly. These are the issues that matter, my friend! Rachel for PREZ!

  12. OMG- I am laughing hysterically. My sister and I wanted to buy the forever lazy for the entire family to put on our Christmas cards. Would that not be the funniest thing ever….. except for the fact that I can’t bring myself to spend the money on 1 picture outfit that will be thrown away the minute the picture is shot….

  13. Have you seen the Family Blankeez ??

    http://www.prankpack.com/buy/blankeez-prank-pack-fake-gift-box.html

    It’s just a prank….as all the rest of these products should be! But the box is hilarious, someone it says “Large enough to cover an entire SUV!” and “Includes two arm holes – one on each end!”

  14. So… I was seriously considering getting PJ jeans. Maybe I’ll have to rethink that. I have a sneaking suspicion that my jeans qualify as “mom” jeans (fashion challenged, but don’t care about that as much as comfort… Sorry!)

    Getting my hubby to verify based on your guides IS on my list but so far neither of us have had the energy. But I’ll hold off on the pj jeans. For now… And only because your pocket placement post convinced me that you may just know what you are talking about ;)

  15. I own both. The pajama jeans were deffinately a mistake to buy. Qoumidan is my sister and I did try to sell the p.j.’s to her, but only cuz I lost the receipt so I could not return them to the store… They look nothing like denim. You can fool no one. If you wear them in public it is very obvious that you are wearing pajama jeans and, if you pay attention, you can see the derision in the eyes of every passerby (unfortunately, I speak from experience. It was only a quick run to the grocery store but it drove home the truth). The Snuggie is an overpriced thin blanket that doesn’t do its job as well as a regular blanket does, but I like the sleeves. I am contemplating cutting the sleeves off the Snuggie and attaching them to a regular blanket.

    • I am sorry for your having to learn the hard way on these As Seen on TV products. I had that experience with the Gyrobowl. Nothing keeps a determined baby from spilling his snacks – even a magically rotating bowl.

  16. I have always scoffed at all these items, but now that I’m pregnant and wearing falling down maternity jeans they are looking pretty good! Especially since I have never seen fashionable (sort of) ones! The only pajama jeans I’ve seen look like jean colored sweat pants. I think I would try those skinny jean ones if they were like $5, but definitely NOT for that price! They’d make good leggings at least. :)

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