This week has not left a lot of room for bloggability.

Mainly, because there’s been a lot of this…


Which has decreased the amount of this…


And, more importantly, this…


And has also sharply increased the amount of this.


I’m also afraid that the snot sucker might have withdrawn a bit of brains as well, as he has repeatedly and angrily insisted on drinking out of this.


(Yes, these photos made me realize that I have not changed my child out of pajamas in about 96 hours.)

(Thank goodness that these photos also prove that I did at least change his jammies.)

SO. Since blogging (or thinking) hasn’t exactly been an opportunity I’ve had this week, I thought I would share some highs and lows and call it a day.

High Point:

Hearing a clank-a-roll-a-clank-a-roll-clank-a-roll, looking out the window, and seeing our mentally and physically unstable mailbox rolling down the street.

Then watching our Postlady, (who was apparently the accidental nudger of the ready-to-jump mailbox,) leap out of her mail truck, run down the street, scoop up our mailbox like it was a tender baby, and slam it back into place.

And that, my friends, is why the cost of postage keeps going up.

Low Point:

Getting a flat tire on a torrentially rainy day, then learning that if I wuss out about changing said tire in the rain and decide instead to drive, even at 5 miles per hour, down the road to Express Oil Change to get it patched, I will ruin said tire altogether.

High Point:

Being able to justify my tire-ruining trip by finding out that my spare tire lowerer was missing, so the Express Oil Change men had to use vise grips to remove it – something I would have definitively not been able to do by myself.

Low Point:

You haven’t lived until you’ve spent an hour in a 12 foot x 6 foot Express Oil Change lobby holding a wiggly, sick, sleepy, wanting-down-on-the-nasty-floor one-year-old, trying to entertain a bored and loud five-year-old, and attempting to keep from further irritating a curmudgeony twenty-something-year-old businessman who has a clear disdain for wiggly one-year-olds and bored five-year-olds.

Halfway through this experience, Ali had a philosophical moment and mused out loud, “I wonder what it feels like to have two kids?”

“Now may not be the best time to ask me that, honey.”

High Point:

Finding out that despite the fact that my Sam’s paperwork clearly states that road hazard damage is excluded, it mysteriously isn’t really, therefore saving me $150.

Low Point:

Having to drive back to the Doorway of Hell that is Express Oil Change (with a fussy, sick, sleepy baby in tow) to retrieve my slashed tire in order to receive my warranty credit. And then drive back to Sam’s and wait uncountable hours for the replacement to be installed with a fussy, sick, sleepy, hungry baby in tow.

(And possibly spending all of my warranty savings on food, because I was also quite hungry, and being marooned in Sam’s when you’re hungry is more dangerous than Richard Simmons finding a store called Sweatbands ‘R Us.)

High Point:

There’s something really disgustingly satisfying about the unbelievable amount of snot that can be retracted from a baby’s nose.

Low Point:

Babies don’t find it nearly as satisfying.

High Point:

Downloading the Google Earth iPad app and getting totally lost in fascination of satellite images of Saudi Arabia.

(Random Bonus Fact: There is no place in the world that piques my curiosity more than Saudi Arabia. Not that I’ll be visiting anytime soon – black is not my color.)

Low Point:

Having to stop looking at Google Earth to, you know, tend to my sick kids and stuff.

High Point:

Having a dream that Adam Levine from Maroon 5 had a huge crush on me and begged me to date him.

(Apparently, I’m a total egomaniac in my sleep.)

For the record, I turned him down, explaining that I was incandescently happy with my husband.

(Apparently, I like using big words in my sleep.)

Low Point:

Realizing that was just a dream and I may not be so awesome after all.

High Point:

Having a romantic, delicious, cozy, after-children’s-bedtime dinner with my husband.

Of Sloppy Joes.

(Sleeping sick babies sometimes create the romance, not the menu.)

And finally, we got Siri’s advice about our future family plans:


Well, that clears things up.

31 thoughts on “{Insert Interesting Blog Post Here}

  1. Hilarious that the snot sucker is a high point and a low point! Why don’t they find it as relieving as we do? Also, flat tires stink. I would have driven on as well.

    1. Yes. All of my attempts to change a tire in my life have resulted in a random man stopping to help me. But I was in the parking lot of the Summit in front of Sephora. Not a lot of random men hanging out around there.

  2. Hilarious stuff, right there. I especially liked the mailbox part, since we’ve had to replace our mailbox 3 or 4 times in the 9 years that we’ve lived here. If we had had Super Mail Lady to the rescue, I bet we would still have the original.

    By the way, I don’t know if you had noticed or not, but I’ve moved my blog to WordPress… Yay!

  3. Have you watched Pride and Prejudice recently? I think Lizzie was incandescently happy at the end.

    And a random thought – we have an 8 year old that just recently quit asking to have her snot sucked. It is possible you could have years of enjoyable snot suckability left!! Hope they feel better soon and you can get some sleep.

  4. Sorry you have sick kids hope everyone is feeling better. But thanks for the laughs. Also I too dream that Adam Levine will admit to having a huge crush on me but since I am single I don’t have to turn him down.

  5. I consider snot sucking a cardio and weight resistance workout. Is it like that for you too? I wonder what we can enter into Lose It for this activity?

    1. Well, it would be, but I still swaddle Noah to get him to sleep (he gets out in his sleep, but it helps him fall asleep). So I wait until he is completely restrained for all snot sucking activities.

  6. I have several things to say:
    1. My babies hated the snot sucker. It was like wrestling a greased piglet to try to get the job done. I hated it and they hated it. It really is a disgusting device if you think about it. Which I try not to do.

    2. Adam Levine? I bet he would totally ask you out.

    3. Noah has cute pjs.

    4. Sloppy Joes can be romantic. Especially if Adam is playing in the background…

  7. Oh my goodness these were hilarious. I actually laughed out loud at Siri’s answer. The tire business just sounds exhausting. You are a better woman than I am. I would have just called my husband, asked him to leave work and come take care of things. :)

    Sorry you’ve had the sickness! No fun! This is kind of weird but my Grandpa sent me this email about how you should put onions out in bowls in each room of your house and somehow they absorb germs and keep you from getting sick. I think there were scientific reasons but that was the gist. I thought it was probably just a wives’ tale but I did it and we haven’t been sick at all this winter! We’ve started to get cold symptoms and then they just go away. No flu, no anything! Usually my kids have one cold after another in the winter! I don’t know if it’s the onions or not, but I’m definitely going to keep doing it!

      1. In case your wondering about the onions they are a natural antibiotic so it may actually work to keep one in the room. Although I agree don’t eat them.

    1. I had it drilled into me not to drive on a flat tire (or with the check engine light on, for that matter) because bad things will happen ™

      I would have called our leasing companies equivalent of CAA, who supposedly would rescue me.

      But I feel your pain. My hubby caught E’s cold but insisted on clearing the snow off the driveway. He had to move the car back a few feet to get our snowblower back into the garage, and forgot to close his door. Unfortunately the house was in the way. We needed a new door on the car, and now have a fashionable fist sized hole in the house!

    2. Hate to say but doubtful that it’s the onions. If you think about how viruses spread, it’s immediately obvious that the onions aren’t absorbing germs (more likely growing mold spores, which would have opposite effect!)

      For origins of this tale, and are instructive. Apparently this predates our understanding of colds and flus being caused by viruses.

      However, if you are putting out water with those onions, the increased humidity may well be beneficial (keeps that nose lubricated and less susceptible to viruses). I guess it’s also within the realm of possibility that the onion fumes cause some kind of beneficial irritation (or create an inhospitable environment for germs?) but to my knowledge no one has actually studied that yet…

  8. Facinating stuff… never knew about snot suckers! (Not entirely sure I wanted to know, but I can see how they’d come in handy).

    On a totally different matter, as you’re the only American I talk to – can you explain why it’s okay for a politician to be called Newt? I find it mind boggling… you might as well call him ‘Frog’ or ‘Snail’ or something!?!

  9. I know I don’t need an iphone but I want to get one JUST so I can talk to Suri. HH thinks I’m crazy but also knows that’s what fuels my desire. He’s understanding at least. Hope your little mister is feeling better soon.

  10. I think the last part was definitely the best. Would love to know how siri came up with that answer. Probably her trauma from being the fourth born, or is she the fifth…

  11. This was hilarious! I laughed out loud when I read about the mail woman hitting, chasing, and reinstalling your mailbox! Oh to have been a passerby would have been amazing!

    I’m glad Siri was able to provide you with sound advice! :D

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