Dear Mr. Stover,
When I saw a display of your single serving treats in my local drugstore, I bought a couple for my daughter’s Christmas calendar.
I purchased them because I know that you have good chocolate. And I care about this because I usually manage to eat approximately 53% of my daughter’s loot, and I personally prefer good chocolate.
On the morning that she received her (my) gift of your delectable gourmet goodness, she excitedly studied the wrapper in great detail while she ate breakfast, wondering with sparkling eyes at the fabulous treat that would be enclosed within.
“Will it really be a Santa, Mommy?”
“Yes! It sure will!”
“Will he be colored like the picture?”
(This question took me back to my own childhood, where I always wished that my chocolate would be multicolored and graphically designed to perfection. Why can’t it look as good as it tastes?? I understood her desire perfectly.)
“No, it says it’s chocolate, so he’ll probably be brown.”
Her countenance fell ever so slightly.
“Oh. Okay. But he will look like that Santa, right???”
“Yes, he’ll look like a Santa – he’ll just be all brown instead of multi-colored.”
“Well, okay. I bet he will be very tasty!!”
She finally finished her breakfast, and with a gasping squee of glee, she tore into her package.
And what to her wondering eyes did appear…
“Mommy!! It doesn’t LOOK like a Santa!!”
“What? Let me see… What the … what IS that??”
“Why doesn’t it look like a Santa??”
“That is most definitely called ‘false advertising’, honey.”
“Yes. Mr. Stover has tricked us in a most grievous way.”
So, Mr. Stover, thank you for sucking the Christmas Joy right out of my child’s heart. Perhaps consider taking some art classes…or simply just buying some cheap chocolate molds.
But in the meantime, I would recommend more accurately naming this product to something along the lines of Russell Stover Maple Cream Vaguely Shaped Turd-Like Holiday Treats.
A Disillusioned Consumer who still ate 53% of your delicious, albeit unfortunate in resemblance, chocolate treat.