Every parent suffers abuse from their child on a weekly, if not daily, and sometimes hourly (depending on the child or number of children involved in inflicting said abuse) basis.
This plight goes far too unnoticed.
It’s time that someone took a stand for Reverse-Child-Abuse and brought those issues to the forefront.
Besides the constant internal kicking, straining, and pressing on things that ought not be pressed on by Noah, I also often suffer at the hands of Ali.
Here’s some cases of abuse I’ve suffered over the past couple of months:
1. Child playing silently in bed so as to fool me me into thinking that she’s napping obediently, when she’s really waiting for the perfect tortuous moment, an hour into her non-nap, to dash all of my optimism of said nap by talking calmly in her obviously not-napping, clear-as-day voice.
2. While coloring with child, child lets me color a perfectly beautiful picture by myself, all in the lines, all while she happily colors on her own picture. Child then waits patiently for me to walk out of the room, and THEN decides to help me out with my picture, making sure to scribble through every part of my formerly-so-therapeutically-colored masterpiece.
3. Watching cartoons with unbelievably stick-like-molasses-in-your-mind theme songs, then child absolutely refusing to let me break out into song with them, despite the fact that I CAN NOT erase them from my mind no matter how hard I try.
4. Child having unbelievably sculpted abs and a flatter belly than I ever dreamed of. With a Three Year Old Six-pack. All while my stomach gets larger, more unwieldy, and more impossibly and irreversibly stretched.
5. While having a cold, child starting to say that her ears hurt. Being very specific with where the pain is coming from and when it hurts, making me suspect an ear infection. After an hour and a half of waiting room and exam room time and RIGHT BEFORE the doctor walks into the room, telling me matter-of-factly that she was just pretending – her ears don’t really hurt.
6. Child making me eat the nastified combination of Skittles and M&M’s simultaneously, so that I can bite them in half and show her the middles.
Yes, reverse child abuse is painful. It is tragic. And there is nothing that we as parents can do about it, but we don’t have to suffer silently. At least we have each other…
What’s cases have you suffered from lately?
hhhmmm. I’ll try to limit it to 5 things. This will be hard.
1) Two very active toddlers using pregnant mommy as a jungle gym every.single.second that she tries to lie down to recover from the fetus’ drain on her energy level.
2) “What’s that?” “What’s that?” “What’s that?” (pointing out the window at what could be a plethora of different things) a million times a day.
3) I have a clean house, for, oh… 10 milliseconds before toys are dragged back out to their previous spots all over the floor of my entire house.
4) (trying to leave the house)… “Where is my shoe?” “Where is YOUR shoe?” “Where are the car keys?” “Where is my cell phone?” (all have been hidden/scattered by children) “No, you can’t have this sippy cup I just made to take with us right now since you’ll drop it before we leave and we’ll forget it and the dog will chew it up” (insert sounds of adament toddler disagreement).
5) Hair pulling. Tessa thinks it’s hilarious (especially when done sneakily). ‘Nuff said.
I could go on… Wouldn’t trade them (and all this) for anything, though. That’s what I’m supposed to say, right? ;)
Ouch. Painful, painful. Especially the jungle gym whilst pregnant one – I got a serious head-butting to the stomach yesterday – oh, the torture. :)
Son #1 scratched my cornea while breastfeeding. He also inexplicably broke the pinky toe on my left foot by running into me from the right. OK let’s not forget the c-section for son #2. I have received head butts and punches and slaps too numerous to mention—some in playful enthusiasm, some not. My children have yelled at me. I find this shocking since I don’t yell at them. (Their dad yells at them. Thanks dad). Where do I begin with the CD’s and DVD’s pulled out of alphabetical order on the shelf and thrown in a big pile on the floor? Kitchen cabinets emptied. Household objects damaged. Walls marred. All this from straight A students who, apparently, are the epitome of perfect behavior at school.
Disorganization of Organization is most definitely a category in and of itself. I feel your pain. Oh – and the cornea scratching, too. Ouch!!
Hilarious!! And too true…
LOL! We might as well chuckle about it, right?
Where to begin?
1. Head butts from very large head enthusiastically “exercising”–ummmm….who taught my kid that nodding his head up and down vigorously is exercizing, I’d like to know.
2. Hitting?!!? What’s with the hitting? This is a no-spanking household (not trying to start a debate with anyone it is what it is). How do kids get the idea to hit?
3. “I gotta go poo poo” said with great enthusiasm but only because he’s mimicking something he heard on the Elmo’s Potty Time DVD *sigh*
Yeah I better stop there….
BTW….I love your new format. Did you make the switch to word press.