I am officially old.
Because, you see, the first sign of old age is to be completely weirded out by “This Generation’s Music”.
I’ve stayed hip and open-minded for quite a while, but two artists have put me over the edge and, in so doing, over the hill.
Lady Gaga and Ke$ha.
Besides the fact that by adding a dollar sign into your name it takes away any class you may have ever had…
(I think the same thing every time I see the new bank in town – $uperior Bank. Seriously. I am not leaving my money with a bank that sounds like a payday loan shack)
…they both just simply befuddle me.
(I’m even using words like “befuddle”. Go ahead and save me a bed in the nursing home now.)
I’ve had the privilege of seeing them both recently on SNL and American Idol, and I Just. Don’t. Understand.
(See? Geezer here.)
I don’t understand how wearing thick, heavy, metal rings of Saturn while you are performing improves the quality of your music.
Especially when you plan on playing the piano halfway through the song, and have to awkwardly stop the song for a five second break in order to arrange your rings in such a way that you are able to SIT.
I also don’t understand how breaking open a bajillion glow bracelets and painting yourself up with them enhances the focus on your songwriting abilities.
…and wearing feathers.
But while you’re at it, can you explain what back-up dancers with old-style (but fascinatingly functioning) TVs on their heads have to do with Indian Headdresses and a song called “Blah Blah Blah”?
And, I’m certainly no fashion expert, but I’m pretty sure that the guy in the penguin suit behind you looks more flattering than you in your Zebra suit. The lines – they just aren’t meant to be in spandex.
But of the two of these inexplicable characters, I’d say Lady Gaga has a bit more “interest” to my ancient self.
For instance, I think the Mrs. Dread Pirate Roberts look is pretty awesome.
But I still don’t get it. And therefore, I’m shall accept my status as Geriatric Granny with grace.
And anyway, I always thought dentures would be a lot better than my rotten teeth.