Ali’s a pretty shy little kid around people she doesn’t know, so I figured that she wouldn’t be one of those that was constantly embarrassing me by making loud observations in front of strangers. And I was right, at least about the “constantly” part.

However, we have definitely entered the stage of embarrassment. It all started when she was convinced for so long that I had…twins…in my “tummy”. But since then, it’s blossomed into observations about strangers as well…

(in the parking lot)

“Mommy! That lady has a BIG HUGE baby in her belly!”

“Umm…no she doesn’t honey…here, let’s run this way and duck behind that car over there.”


(in the beauty salon)

“Mommy!! She smiled at me!!”

“Um, that was a man, honey. Sometimes boys have long hair, earrings, and eyeliner, too.”


(in the Target bathroom)

“Mommy, I smell something. I smell something and It smells YUCKY!!!”


You get the idea. All parents go through this, right?

Well, I’ve been compiling a list of helpful tips for parents on how to fight this very disconcerting behavior.

1. Duct Tape.

Pro: I’m pretty sure that it’s child proof and makes a pretty good sound barrier (for especially loud children who need a little extra soundproofing, line the inside of the duct tape with those styrofoam blocks that they use to line music studios).

Con: Those same strangers that your child would have made embarrassing observations about will now be making observations about YOU.

2. Don’t Teach Them To Talk.

Pro: It guarantees saving you from 99% of all embarrassing observations. Of course, there’s still that 1% that involves them touching, rather than talking about, random strangers.

Cons: By the time you realize you should have done this, it’s too late. And even if you DO remember on your third or fourth child that it’d be better if they waited for their common sense to grow in before talking, you may or may not be able to accomplish this difficult feat. My parents swore that they wouldn’t teach my little brother to talk based on the lessons me and my older brother taught them, but he learned anyway, and in an ironical twist of fate, I’m pretty sure that me and my O.B.’s embarrassing moments don’t hold a candle to one day’s worth of L.B.’s moments.

3. Teach your child that strangers are mean, nasty creatures that bite little children if they catch them talking about them.

Pro: It should work for quite some time.

Cons: You may be more embarrassed by the way your child horrifically screams and runs from strangers as if they are ghastly creatures. And, well, the nightmares.

4. Beat them to the punch – go ahead and make the embarrassing observations yourself before your kids have the chance.

Pro: At least you know what’s coming – no surprises.

Con: Your children will only learn from your parental expertise and become even better at it. And, well, the bruises that you’ll get from that lady that does NOT have a baby in her belly will just make it not so worth it after all.

Until I figure out a strategy that works, don’t expect to see me out in public – I’ll be in disguise.

And if you see someone that looks just like me except with a fake looking mustache and glasses on, that’s not me. That’s just my Little Brother. And watch out – he’ll embarrass you.

10 thoughts on “The War On Embarrassment.

  1. lol Too funny. I've actually never had this happen to me. Shocking, I know. However, a friend of mine took her 3yo boy to Target the other day and at the check out he said "EEWWWWW Mommy, what happened to her FACE!" about the cashier. My friend wanted to DIE! lol

  2. LOL! I don't have this problem YEt since Jack is quite that verbal but oh the random touching of strangers!!! Jack as you may recall is legally blind. He does not see well in the daytime let alone at night at an outdoor wedding reception. Because he is kind of used to putting his hand out to feel his way around I spent a lot time telling people this weekend oh so sorry it was him not me as they jumped when someone touched their behind. That's right he's behind height for most strangers. LOVELY.

  3. I remember when I was very small my mom and I were at the mall walking out of Penney's and an old owman walked by and I said to my mom, "Mommy, that lady looks like a witch!" to which my mother pulled me to the side and simply said, "dont' say things like that even when you think them because they hurt other people's feelings and you wouldn't want them to hurt your feelings, too". That was the first and last time she ever had to tell me that. And it's strange but I always wondered if that woman heard me and if I hurt her feelings. I hope not because to this day I still feel horrible about it.

  4. The verbal ones are pretty bad, but the sight of my son pulling my wife's shirt down and starting at her breast. He also had the biggest smile on his face. Nothing like being in line at WalMart

  5. Haha, we've had our share of embarrassing moments too! It's really bad when you live in a small town b/c chances are that even if you don't know the person you WILL see them again. We went out to dinner at one of our three restaurants and a older man with a huge beer belly came in. K said, oh so happily, "He has a baby in his tummy!" The place is literally the size of my living room so there is no way he couldn't have heard. Sigh.

  6. I am all for #2!!! It all went downhill after our kiddo learned how to talk.

    My daughter definitely does this in public too. Drives me bonkers. We now have a rule about using the word "fat." It can NEVER be used to describe a person.

  7. this is hilarious! i dont have children so i can relate but i do have 17 1st graders who will yell ya like it is. ive been told numerous times that i only look pretty when i take my glasses off (and i wear my glasses all the time…)

  8. Oh that is just TOO funny. Well, maybe more to me than you! :-)

    I've had to explain to my daughter on more than one occasion about men with long hair and earrings. I usually end that conversation with "don't bring a boy that looks like that home to meet mom and dad!"

  9. Maybe it's a really good thing that I don't have children because I have this problem with my husband! Thankfully, he's not loud but he'll say anything that comes to mind.I'm pretty sure any offspring of mine would be the absolute WORST in regards to this subject!

  10. I love hearing all of your embarrassment stories! It makes me feel better. :)

    Stephanie – that TOTALLY sounds like something that would have stuck with me too – I still am embarrassed by things I did as a kid.

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