Our Church Youth Group had a Retreat this past weekend, and somehow I got dubbed as responsible enough to be a driver for the Senior Girl’s team of The Amazing Race, which included clues, riddles, assignments, and adventure.
Our clues led us all over town, including Vulcan, our city’s pants-less statue, famous for mooning the whole metro area continuously: 
(I’ve never understood why he has a skirt on the front but nothing on the backside…but hey – at least he gives all of us something to laugh at.)
We also went to Serra Honda, whose fault it is that I can’t get the Serra Honda-Man theme song out of my head,
We had to crawl through the fence at Sloss Furnaces and go on a search for hidden Travelocity-esque gnomes,
And finally to the highest point in the State of Alabama, which I previously did not know was the cell phone tower in our very own Church Parking Lot:
But the most adventurous clue was the very first one.
Our first clue led us to The Riverchase Galleria, Birmingham’s mega-mall, to look for someone dressed up as Waldo.
We got stuck in traffic and I chose NOT to take the dangerous U-Turn that SOME OTHER DRIVERS opted for, so by the time we got there, we were nearly last.
When we got inside, we spotted a team running upstairs, and they yelled out to us that we needed to go to Ruby Tuesday.
We thought it odd that they were helping us, but we trusted them and headed up.
When we arrived, there were a whole bunch of teams, all standing OUTSIDE the mall with a very confused looking Waldo and a VERY angry looking Female(ish) Mall Cop.
We arrived outside, and Pauline Blart Mall Cop started yelling.
“Who are the adults in this group??”
I timidly raised my hand.
“OKAY – I want all the CHILDREN over here and the adults over there, NOW!!!”
(Keep in mind that these “children” were Junior High and High School kids – mostly High School.)
(And the adult-to-kid ratio was like 1 to 4 – we were being safe.)
She then let loose all of her Pent-Up-Mall-Cop-And-Can’t-Carry-A-Gun frustration in a eardrum-bursting tirade.
“This is NOT ALLOWED!!! There are a hundred kids running all over this mall, pushing patrons and upsetting people – THIS IS NOT ALLOWED! If you EVER want to have an organized event at OUR MALL, you MUST obtain permission first!!!! We saw the first group running through the parking lot – some INNOCENT person could have HIT those kids with their car and HURT, KILLED, or MAIMED them, and then they would have had to live with that guilt for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. How would you like that??!! We are getting numerous complaints and this is NOT ALLOWED!!!”
She continues on…and on, telling us over and over how grievously we broke the rules of her mall.
Finally, there’s a break in the lecture, and one of the other adults quietly asks, “May we leave, then?”
“I don’t know. Where are you parked???”
Of course, since we’re in multiple groups, we all start pointing in different directions.
(Giant Heaving Annoyed Sigh) “You may leave if you leave IMMEDIATELY. BUT – all of the CHILDREN must hold the adult’s hands. And you MAY NOT RUN. OR TALK.”
I quietly get our next clue from Waldo before she notices and confiscates them, and we quickly, yet non-runningly but also not-hand-holdingly, make our way back to my car.
At first, my girls were struck silent by the grave danger that we had been in. Then one of them finally broke the silence to ask, “Don’t you think it was odd that the guy that turned us in looked like Waldo?”
“Um, that WAS Waldo. He was in trouble too.”
“OOOOOOH. That makes SO much more sense!!!”
We got back in the car, and they set off to figuring out their next clue.
We came in fourth (out of eight or nine teams), but we were happy with that victory, mainly because we were just relieved that Pauline Blart didn’t ban us from the mall FOREVER.
Because no amount of fun and competition is worth that punishment.
LOL! Bless your hearts! So glad that none of you were MAIMED in this story 'cause you know you could have been and then you would have had to live with that FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
So much drama over looking for Waldo? Maybe she thought you guys were doing a tv show and by being dramatic she would guarrantee he five minutes of fame?
And oh, isn't Vulcan wearing an apron, a blacksmith's apron?
Scavenger hunts are so much fun, even when you get busted by Pauline Blart!
And Sloss is just about the creepiest place ever! I don't know if I would have been hunting for anything around there!
I still can't believe ya'll got kicked out of the Galleria. That is SO ridiculous…but pretty funny too:)
WOW! what an adventure, but it made for laughs later I am sure.
And yes Vulcan is wearing an apron, he is the blacksmith of the gods in mythology.
That is so funny!!! Was ruth there?? jw.
That is hilarious. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall.
LOL!
LOVE scavenger hunts. I think it was actually the movie from the 70's that turned me onto to them. What fun.
Mall cops….those badges sometimes go to their heads.
All in all, great times and fun!
I LOVE hanging out with teenagers. Sounds like you had a blast…Even the drama will be something to look back on and laugh! I'm glad you had a fun weekend.
I do see Pauline Blart's point but she could have been nicer about it! Geesh…
strangely, you just answered so many questions for me. There's a mystery series that I can't remember the name of right now that's set in Birmingham. When we went through there, I looked for Vulcan (AND his bare behind) but never saw him. I thought he was fictional. . .I also wondered what your tweet was about re: the honda song. I had never heard that song. . .now I know why.
That woman kinda freaks me out. I now have no desire to frequent your mall.
Wow, sounds like the mall cop was on a serious power trip! Holding hands?? That is too funny. Glad you didn't get banned from the mall! :)
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you are in good (or is it bad) company. I, too, held a youth savenger hunt at the Galleria a few years ago, only to get fussed at by Pauline Blart's partner. It was going well until the boy group ended up digging in the pantie display at Lane Bryant and well, let's just say, it got weird, really weird.
That has to be the BEST mall cop story of all time! I needed that laugh!! I'm glad to know that everyone made it out alive.
Hi, Rachel. I think we may be kindred spirits. I've read several of your posts, and they are wonderful. I'll read a few more tomorrow. (I love the original King Cake from New Orleans!)
Take care, and I'll be reading more tomorrow.
That's crazy about the mall… rent-a-cop!! Gave me a good laugh!
That's terrible, but really funny! I can't believe she told the "kids" to hold the adults' hands!
We used to have video scavenger hunts with our church at a nearby mall, but we were never reprimanded by an angry gunless mall cop ;)
uh, so what kind of person do you have to be to actually leave your seeking-out-the-greatest-bargain shopping path and find a mall cop (one who you may actually want to talk to, at that) to complain instead of just dismissing *yet another* group of teenagers with a sigh and roll of the eyeballs? (funny thing, they're always at the mall, youth group or not…). hmm, my thought to ponder for the night. :)
My daughter is wanting to have a scavenger hunt at the Galleria for her 9th birthday. Now I’m scared to do it!!!!
From what I’ve heard, they have very specific rules, and they are very angry if someone does something – ANYTHING – without contacting them first. So if you’re going to do it, just make sure you call them first and get it approved. Best of luck!!