It’s been a full six weeks since I broke my nose, so I am supposedly fully recovered.
(I was supposed to get my nose re-x-rayed to make sure that it healed correctly, but seeing as how, due to quite the number of family ailments, we’ve paid more co-pays in the past six weeks than my husband has bought songs from iTunes (and that’s saying something), I haven’t been back yet.)
So anyway, let’s assume that I’m all better. And with that, here are the list of 18 things I learned from having a broken nose.
- Your nose will itch more often when it is broken. You will forget that it is broken and scratch it. It will pop somewhat akin to the sound of tearing a drumstick off of a raw chicken.
- Which may create an aversion to working with raw chicken.
- I never knew how much my cat rubbed heavily against my nose until it was broken. Which may explain some of my allergies.
- Bertie the Bus, although a good friend to Thomas the Train, is not a good friend to a broken nose when driven down the bridge of it. It is best to remember that you have a broken nose before allowing yourself to be used as a race course.
- Except for the above incident, Ali thankfully has her Daddy’s memory and thoughtfulness. My nose has been kissed and prayed for nearly continuously for the past six weeks.
- Her concern for me has led her to have a paranoid fascination about body parts breaking. My toddler now tries to break her leg regularly by stomping the ground or kicking the table. I guess I made it look like a thrilling experience.
- A nasal sleeping cast would be very helpful. Especially for those of us who sleep on their stomachs.
- My right eyebrow is directly connected to my nasal passages. Plucking my right eyebrow can lead to stopped up nasal passages. Which creates pressure. Which creates pain.
- I don’t look too shabby with a normal left eyebrow and a bushy Greek right eyebrow.
- Just kidding. That would look horrible.
- It would be like reliving my awkward Junior High Days with half my face.
- Bronchitis that lasts for three weeks can really be a bummer when paired with a broken nose.
- People tend to look very closely at your nose when you blog that it is broken. As if staring at it is going to make it instantaneously grow a bump, or take a turn for the left, or swell to twice its size.
- If it did swell to twice its size, I could let my eyebrows bushify – because then I’d have the big Greek nose to accompany them.
- If I did that, I would get attention for a whole new celebrity similarity to add to my list:
- Even after six weeks, it can cause great discomfort when you find yourself accidentally yet heartily head-butted in the nose by a toddler.
- In fact, it may feel like it was re-broken, and you may spend the rest of the night wiggling your nose, trying to figure out if it came loose.
- The impact and subsequent wiggling, however, will remind you to finish writing a blog post about all of the things you learned from a broken nose.