There are many great mysteries in the world.
What happened to Atlantis?
How were the Pyramids constructed?
Where is Osama Bin Laden Hiding?
Why do they still make Mom Jeans?
Does Dolly Parton have a boob job or does she not?
We can all agree that these are mysteries that may or may not ever be solved. But there’s another Great Mystery that puzzles me to no end.
As much as men say that women are the illogical sex and don’t make any sense, there are a group of men out there that totally befuddle me.
Let’s call this group of men the Drive-By-Pickup-Men.
You know – those guys who, while driving by you, cat call, whistle, yell, wave way too vigorously, all while smiling as big as they can and, again, driving, speedily, right by you.
What is their purpose?
What is their goal?
Do they think that we will write down their tag number, con a policeman into looking up who they are, and call them to ask them out?
And anyway, that would never work because they’re ALWAYS in a company car.
And by “company car”, I don’t mean a nice black sedan. I mean the Little Debbie Delivery man…The Beer Delivery man, the Uniform Laundry Services man…the group of 5 Mexican men in the back of a Landscaping Truck…
And furthermore, their actions don’t seem to be at all related to beauty or availability. They might be cat-calling the 80-year old lady crossing the street at the pace of a centipede with 99 broken legs, the harried Mom with the five kids all crowded around her..the gender-neutral-from-a-distance “person”, the lady with THE THIGHS…
I just don’t get it. I can understand (though not appreciate) the male species trying to pick up a woman when both are on solid ground, going zero miles per hour, in a conversable range. But if you are driving by at 35 miles per hour – what are you getting out of this exchange? What positive benefit are you adding to your life by these making-a-fool-of-yourself efforts?
Even if one of us DID want to give you more than a glare and a quick avoidance of eye contact, how would you go about further contact? If we waved back, would you do a U-Turn in the middle of the highway, risking the lives of you, the other motorists, and the thousand packages of snack cakes or cases of beer in the back of your delivery truck to come back and talk to us?
Please, SOMEONE, give me some insight on these inexplicably illogical Drive-By-Pickup-Men.