I’ve been avoiding the question for about nine months now. But I can’t keep putting her off.

It’d be better if she heard it from me, her mother, than learning about it from some random kid on the playground.

Or worse, the weird old guy lurking in the dairy aisle.

I know that she thinks it’s disgusting, but it’s time that she understands what a beautiful thing it really is.

Yes, it’s time for “the talk.”

I don’t think I can keep my cover any longer, using her original assumption that brown milk is just some nasty, good-for-you, organicey, vitaminey milk that Mommy drinks because she’s old.

It’s time she knew the truth: It’s ….. Chocolate.


I ran out of her milk and juice last week. It was breakfast time and I knew she wouldn’t drink water. In a moment of weakness, I pulled out the brown milk.

Ali gasped. “I have to drink Mommy’s BROWN milk?!?”

She took about two sips and wouldn’t drink anymore.

Much like us adults cringe at the thought of what liver and chitlins* and tongue actually IS and so therefore don’t like to eat it, brown milk (to Ali) has an air of nasty ickiness that wasn’t won over by the indisputable taste.

Since she didn’t notice it’s striking similarity to chocolate due to her misconception of it, my continued deception could have been possible, had it not been for a serious oversight on my part. I made the mistake of tweeting the first part of the story without finishing it.

Daddy came home and said excitedly, “Did you get to try something NEW and YUMMY today?!?!?!? Did you drink Mommy’s BROWN MILK?!?!?”

This, people, is why full and complete marital communication is VITAL to parenting.

Thanks to my partial communication, she’s now quite interested in my brown milk, and very desirous of trying it again.

And so, after nine months, I believe the deception is over.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to hide any longer that brown milk is really the “C” word.

* For those of you who aren’t from the South and are wondering what chitlins are, believe me, you DON’T want to know.

12 thoughts on “The Birds and the Cows

  1. The secret of chocolate milk was kept from my boys for a very long time.

    Now that they know what it is, I've had to make it a rare commodity 'round here. Or they beg. Constantly.

  2. I love me some chocolate milk, but Jackson has no idea it exists. I'm planning on keeping it that way for a long, long time!

  3. I've never had chitlins, black-eyed peas, or grits for that matter.

    You are way too funny calling it brown milk for all this time. I lived on that brown milk through each pregnancy especially because I don't like regular milk. Oh, she's in for a treat.

  4. lol I just don't buy the syrup anymore unless #1 it's on sale and #2 its the lite variety. Otherwise they would want it all the time!

  5. I heard something disgusting about chocolate milk and even though it tastes so delicious I can barely choke it down anymore. I won't say what it was b/c it could ruin chocolate milk for you forever. It did for me…sad. :(

  6. Being childless and not up on nutrition, is "brown milk" really that bad for her in Great G'ma's term, moderation? I am being serious, is it the caffine?

  7. It's fine for her to have – I just don't want her to only want brown milk and never be willing to drink white milk again – that's my only concern! :) Sometimes since Toddlers don't understand moderation, it's best not to introduce moderation-needed items. Or at least that's my lazy-mom opinion, anyway…

  8. Once my kids found out, it was an every now and again treat. I was too afraid they'd grow to hate white milk.

    And chitlins…disgusting and putrid. My husband eats those nasty things but I've forbidden them to ever cross the threshold of our home.

  9. I accidentally ate a chitlin once. It took me 3 years to get that taste out of my mouth.


    We need to ship Carol some black-eyed peas and grits ASAP. She probably has never had Nanner Puddin' either, bless her soul.

  10. Oh no, sorry your "brown milk" is not longer just your special milk! I'm a born and raised southerner, but thank goodness I've never had the priviledge of trying chitlins!

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