Spiders don’t bother me too badly.
Roaches are my nemesis. Anything less than a roach, I can handle.
So spiders and I are pretty cool most of the time – I almost even kind of like them, because they eat mosquitoes, which makes me very happy because mosquitoes happen to find ME a very, very desirable delicacy.
So I leave the spiders to eat the mosquitoes so that I don’t get eaten. In fact, some guests may think I never clean the outside of my windows. My windows MIGHT slightly resemble a haunted mansion, but hey – whatever keeps me from being digested once cell at a time by tiny, vicious, blood-sucking insects is fine with me.
However, I recognize that not EVERYONE has this symbiotic relationship with spiders, so when this lovely creature took up residence directly to the left of our front door, I knew that others might not find her so charming.
The first time I saw a this type of spider (several years ago), I actually WAS afraid due to it’s GINORMOUS SIZE. But then I learned that they were harmless Garden Spiders, and quite good for the local bug catching trade, so I forgave it for it’s intimidating size and grew to love it.
But, some guests might not have this knowledge, or they might not put the death of mosquitoes above the unsightliness of having a gargantuan spider living within inches of where their head needs to pass by, so I knew that she needed to go.
But I certainly didn’t want to kill her. One, because she’s useful. And two, she’s HUGE. Can you imagine the sickening squish? The icky guts? The MESS?
Granted, I have been known to freeze a spider to dispose of it in the past, but THAT spider was suspiciously poisonesque. AND he crossed the holy threshold and was found INSIDE the house.
So I decided that this time, this spider just needed a relocation. She needed to move out to the suburbs of our backyard. Somewhere not quite so disturbing to passerby.
And so begins the moving of a giant spider.
Tools: a chair, a large container, and a cameraman (that might or might not be much more afraid of spiders than I. But hey – he kills the roaches, and THAT is worth a million spider relocations in my book.)
For size reference, I offer this picture (hand may not be as close to spider as it appears – I’m not STUPID, after all):
(Thank goodness she didn’t have a million babies, as I’ve heard many freaky spider stories about. I might not have been able to reopen the container in that case.)
And then I continued the cruel relocation of our spider friend, all the way out to our back fence:(Chris had a camera inside, with which he took a horribly unflattering picture of my backside as I bent all the way over to dump her out. You will NOT be seeing that picture on this blog. Ever.)
So, if you see on the news that our entire family has been eaten in our sleep by spiders, you can at least understand how we came about deserving it.