Spiders don’t bother me too badly.

Roaches are my nemesis. Anything less than a roach, I can handle.

So spiders and I are pretty cool most of the time – I almost even kind of like them, because they eat mosquitoes, which makes me very happy because mosquitoes happen to find ME a very, very desirable delicacy.

So I leave the spiders to eat the mosquitoes so that I don’t get eaten. In fact, some guests may think I never clean the outside of my windows. My windows MIGHT slightly resemble a haunted mansion, but hey – whatever keeps me from being digested once cell at a time by tiny, vicious, blood-sucking insects is fine with me.

However, I recognize that not EVERYONE has this symbiotic relationship with spiders, so when this lovely creature took up residence directly to the left of our front door, I knew that others might not find her so charming.IMG_2217

The first time I saw a this type of spider (several years ago), I actually WAS afraid due to it’s GINORMOUS SIZE. But then I learned that they were harmless Garden Spiders, and quite good for the local bug catching trade, so I forgave it for it’s intimidating size and grew to love it.

But, some guests might not have this knowledge, or they might not put the death of mosquitoes above the unsightliness of having a gargantuan spider living within inches of where their head needs to pass by, so I knew that she needed to go.

But I certainly didn’t want to kill her. One, because she’s useful. And two, she’s HUGE. Can you imagine the sickening squish? The icky guts? The MESS?

Granted, I have been known to freeze a spider to dispose of it in the past, but THAT spider was suspiciously poisonesque. AND he crossed the holy threshold and was found INSIDE the house.

So I decided that this time, this spider just needed a relocation. She needed to move out to the suburbs of our backyard. Somewhere not quite so disturbing to passerby.

And so begins the moving of a giant spider.

Tools: a chair, a large container, and a cameraman (that might or might not be much more afraid of spiders than I. But hey – he kills the roaches, and THAT is worth a million spider relocations in my book.)

For size reference, I offer this picture (hand may not be as close to spider as it appears – I’m not STUPID, after all):


So I started out seeing if she would go nicely, and just held my official spider catching container up to her.IMG_2275

Not so much. However, she wasn’t too good at strategy. Instead of jumping on me (which would have ended my bravery with one swift plunge), she went to the ceiling.IMG_2278Caught.

We took her inside to let Ali see:IMG_2279

And then we realized that she we scared her so much she had a baby:IMG_2280

(Thank goodness she didn’t have a million babies, as I’ve heard many freaky spider stories about. I might not have been able to reopen the container in that case.)

Ali petted her and her baby:IMG_2282

And tried to share her snack (I’m teaching her to be a good Southern Hostess and all):IMG_2283

And then I continued the cruel relocation of our spider friend, all the way out to our back fence:IMG_2289(Chris had a camera inside, with which he took a horribly unflattering picture of my backside as I bent all the way over to dump her out. You will NOT be seeing that picture on this blog. Ever.)

And then, to add insult to injury, I went back out front and completely tore down Spider Village. This was all that remained of the peaceful spider subdivision that had been:IMG_2292

So, if you see on the news that our entire family has been eaten in our sleep by spiders, you can at least understand how we came about deserving it.

15 thoughts on “The Trail of (Arachnid) Tears

  1. That was incredibly entertaining!

    I NEVER would have brought it inside though. I would have made my kids come outside to look at it while I squealed in the background.

    Your hand was way, way, way too close to it and it was positively monstrous in size.

    You made it have a baby out of fright! LOL

    Great story!!!

  2. You are such a better person than me because i would have holed up in my house never to venture outside again til someone had killed or disposed of said spider. I had a hard time even reading your post as it gave me shivers everytime i saw the thing.

    I freak over a small tiny milla-inch spider so i would have died over that thing.

  3. Oh Rachel – you are so much braver than me. The hubby would have had to take care of that one and it would have had to go to spider heaven.

  4. Hmmm…I'm glad to find someone else not afraid of spiders. I have to kill them for Chase…the bad ones that is.

    Now when Randy the Roach comes for a visit, I shriek in disgust!

  5. I feel the same way, Rachel. Roaches are horrifying. Spiders, not so much, usually. As you said, at least spiders provide a useful service in eating other insects. Roaches contribute nothing to justify their place in the world – or my house.

    I also like leaving the spiders between my window panes. And I discovered this summer that it was an excellent science lab for my 2 boys. We got to watch them build nests, catch bugs for dinner, and even have babies. The highlight of our spider science lab was watching a spider do battle with a wasp which had gotten stuck in the web. The spider won, and the wasp was wrapped up for dinner.

  6. We have one of those spiders in our shrubs right now and it doesn't bother me at all. I think it's web is really pretty.

    With that being said, I don't want ANY spiders in my house. Ever. The End.

  7. Just looking at these pictures just scared a baby out of me. I shall name her Charlotte.

    (Go back to writing about poo. I can't handle the spider stuff.)

  8. Wow, that thing was huge! I have never seen a spider that big…I'm sure I would have killed it long before discovering that it was harmless. It looks way too scary. :)

  9. Now that I feel like I have creepy crawlies all over me… ugh!

    I also had to say that I went back & read your post about the roaches. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one! I can smooch spiders (they aren't as big or pretty as your spider) and other nasty insects, but I can't bring myself to get near a roach. Those things are gross! I'm extremely terrified of them. I break out in a sweat and can't breath. OK… enough… moving on.

  10. I personally love that you did not kill the spider, Thank you very much. She does have a real purpose. The story is great, particularly having the baby.

  11. Um, wow. That spider would have given me the major hibbie jibbies. *shudder* They might eat mosquitos but I can't stand crawly things of any kind. UGH.

    I'm glad you were able to be humane about it, at least it's not near my house….that I know of anyway lol

    We do get those wood spiders ALOT. They like to hid in the laundry. I am very careful when it comes to sorting it. Last thing I need while doing laundry is for one of those suckers to scurry across my skin. I just might pee on myself if that happened. Just sayin'

    PS Love the new blog header!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *