We headed down our familiar stretch of interstate today to our beloved Alabama Beaches. I felt GOOD because I was more prepared than ever to entertain my precious toddler for the drive. I brought brand new toys that she had never seen before, new books, plenty of snacks, stickers, and even painstakingly found all of Strawberry Shortcake’s accessories and put them in a nice neat little purse.

Everything a girl could want.

As I was preparing, I really thought it was overkill – she usually does great on our 4 hour jaunt to the beach. But at least I’d be prepared.

However, for some reason, she was more impatient with the drive than ever before, despite all of her new distractions.

Oh, the irony of my life.

So around halfway down, I was in dire need of a chocolate break, and I decided that maybe that was what Ali needed, too.

So I headed into the gas station, made my choice, and then went to get Ali’s favorite, M&M’s. But as I was reaching for them, I saw the tube of M&M Minis:IMG_1901

Perfect!! She loves to pour things, so she will have chocolate AND the ability to pour them in and out of a neat little tube. It just screamed “Hours of Entertainment!! Step Right Up!!”, so I even bought the mega sized tube.

(Why hello stupid. Why would you buy a TWO YEAR OLD a King Sized tube of chocolate? There goes my Smart Parent of the Year Award.)

Of course, she was thrilled. She poured and she shook. She ate and she poured. She played and she shook.

Wait a minute. There was a lot of shaking going on.

I did a quick check – OH NO.

I slid my finger down into her seat, and it came back completely covered in a thick, chocolatey goo.

At least it was chocolatey goo, as opposed to the dreaded Peanut Butter Poo Flu Goo. MUCH better than the alternative.

So we’re driving down the interstate, and my “trying to control the situation” self is turned around in my seat, desperately trying to contain the goo before it spreads to permanent levels.

They were EVERYWHERE. They had fallen down both sides of the seat, into every crevice and seatbelt hole, and there was a very large consolidation of them in her crotch. Smooshed and oozing, of course.

The console between Chris and I looked like this:IMG_1899

And AFTER I had contained the damage to the best of my abilities, Ali’s bum looked like this:


(Yes, I had two of her five harness points unbuckled in a moving vehicle. There goes my Safe Parent of he Year Award.)

So, she got the privilege of eating dinner with the dreaded brown butt:IMG_1907

But it didn’t deter her in the least from enjoying her ranch dressing.IMG_1905

Bum-N-M’s. Melt in your Crotch, not in your Mouth.

11 thoughts on “They Melt in Your WHAT?!?!

  1. Wow, at least it was M&M's and not a diaper explosion which I have had while traveling with my nephew. I won't turn you into the parenting police though, it must be hard to entertain a 2 year old on a long trip. Plus the story made for a very entertaining blog. :)

  2. Wow. Your brain was already on vacation when you bought those, huh?

    The smaller-sized tube can also inflict serious damage to clothing and upholstery (says the voice of experience). Did you know they can also be ground into a fine powder that fits in between pages of a library book? Oh, yes.

  3. Wow! Melts in your crotch….too much! Jason won't let anyone consume any kind of solid in our car. Let me tell you, it makes that 4 hour trip mighty long!

    I hope y'all have fun at the beach. Did you see that my dad caught a shark down there last week?

  4. Man — I've had this lovely experience… myself. Luckily it wasn't to quite this extent! I was just eating M&M's in my office and happened to miss one. It landed in my lap and slid into my chair, where unnoticed, it was promptly heated up — and melted — by my rear end… onto my WHITE capris. ACK!

  5. Hilarious! Hope you find something else to entertain Ali on the ride home!
    I always bring snacks for Luke on a car ride and then hate myself afterwards when I have to pick up all the bits of partly chewed food out of the cracks of his seat and off his bottom!

  6. Absolutely crazy, hysterical. Only you, Rachel, could make a name up like Bum-n-m's. I probably would have stopped for chocolate, too. Oh well, live and learn.

    BTW, thank you ever so much for the sending me the Taubl cd. I have not listened to it yet. We just returned to England this past Saturday and have been busy settling back in and trying to catch up on our sleep, errands, etc.

    Thanks again, Friend. Enjoy that beautiful beach!

  7. Chocolate and toddlers are always a deadly combination for us. For some reason Kariya can eat most foods without getting too messy, but chocolate is about 20% in the stomach and 80% everywhere else! Hope you have fun at the beach!

  8. That sounds so much like what I would do – though I tend to go for Hershey Kisses rather than M&Ms! Recommendation – buy jelly beans next time. It works much better.

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