What’s In a Name? Sometimes, TOO Much.

I’ve been searching for a month for a book we own, “Who’s Who in the Bible”. Chris’ Grandma passed it on to us many years ago, which makes me think that it was most likely some premium from Reader’s Digest. But it’s quite the book – 315 pages of every SINGLE name mentioned in the Bible.

The reason I’ve been looking for it is for our friends Greg and Julie – they’re pregnant with their fifth child, a girl!

They’ve had this naming trend going (not sure if it started out purposefully or not) of naming all of their children three to four syllable biblical names: Benjamin, Abigail, Nathaniel, and Zechariah.

And we all know that you can’t START and trend and not keep it up, or someone is going to get “middle child syndrome” about being different than the rest of the kids, regardless of whether they’re ACTUALLY the middle child (like poor, poor me) or not.

And, according to Julie, there just aren’t many three to four syllable girl’s names to pick from. She likes Bethany, but it means “house of poverty”, and she really didn’t want to wish that on her child. And there were only a handful of other names that she could find.

ANYWAY, I had told her I had this book, and there were literally gaZILLions of biblical names in it. I finally found it five minutes before we left for our beach trip on Friday, so I decided to take it along to entertain myself, and possibly be useful to Greg and Julie.

I’m not so sure that I was useful at all, but I WAS entertained.

Some of the options that I texted them included:

• Bigthana (which would have made a great twin sister for Nathaniel),
• Bithia,
• Chenaanah (kind of like Sha-Nay-Nay),
• Drusilla (step-sister to Cinderella),
• Euodia (kind of sounds like “EWW your odor”),
• Ampliatus (I said it sounded like an STD, but Julie said it sounded like the next hearing aid brand name),
• Atarah (they could always say she was named after the Atari, but biblical),
• and, to replace Bethany since it means “House of Poverty”, they could use the close cousin, Bath-Shua, which means “Daughter of Abundance”.

After I got chided by Greg for sending Julie too many text messages (I think he was just jealous that I was entertaining his wife and she wasn’t paying any attention to him), I moved on to do some “research” for the Duggar family.

Explanation if you don’t know who the Duggars are: “18 Kids and Counting” is seriously one of our favorite shows on TV. It is by far the most openly Christian and Evangelical show out there.

And, although my family didn’t all wear long skirts and have over a dozen kids, I DID homeschool my entire education (except college, obviously), so I feel like I can relate to them.

We love them because they’re much more down-to-earth than they first appear. They are also so calm and loving with their huge family. Plus, they are SO unbelievably graceful about their beliefs – it is quite personally challenging, uplifting, and inspiring to watch.

But anyway, if you’ve never watched the show, they (currently) have 18 kids, ALL of which have names that start with “J”, most of which are biblical.

Now, be sure to say this really fast: there’s Joshua, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, and Jordyn-Grace.

Every time the show opens and they name all the kids, we always say, “POOR Jedidiah”. His name just always sticks out like a sore thumb.

However, I found out that it could have been MUCH worse.

So, I present to you, the

Top 10 Rejected Biblical Names for Duggar Kids:

10. Jahzeiah (JAH zee yuh) – Obviously, they could never choose this name, for fear of their child being mistaken for rapper Jay-Z.

9. Japhlet (JAF luht) – Kinda like naming your child “pamphlet”, but with a J.

8. Jashobeam (juh SHOH bee uhm) – Sounds like a restaurant that Old People would eat at. “Honey, ya wanna run down to The Jashobeam and get some strained peas and liver?”

7. Jehonathan (juh HAHN uh thuhn) – This name is a GREAT choice if you like the name Jonathan, but want to add a bit of ‘hood flava to it. “JeHONathan, get cho butt in heya!!”

6. Jemimah (juh MYE muh) – The name for a female Duggar who aspires to sell pancake toppings.

5. Jedaiah (jeh DAY yuh) – OBVIOUSLY off the table because, well, it would just sound too much like Jedidiah, and that kid already has enough naming woes.

4. Jethro (JETH roh) – Yes, the Duggars live in Arkansas. No, they haven’t found any bubblin’ crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

3. Jidlaph (JID laf) – Any kid with this name is just bound to be an emotional roller coaster. Because although the name has “laugh” in it, the MEANING of the name is “weeping”. And when you have a family of 20+, you DON’T need a Drama Queen.

2. Joshbekashah (JAHSH buh KAY shuh) – The meaning of this one is “He returns a hard fate” – yes, I believe that fate would recur over and over. On the playground. Even if the playground consisted only of his siblings.

And, finally, the number one rejected Duggar name:

1. Judas (JOO duhs) – So far, of the whole Duggar family, there’s not a rebel among them. No need to speak any naming prophecies forth.

So, out of my biblical research, I’m sure you’re wondering what names I chose for my next child, right?

Well, it’s a hard choice, but I think I picked well:

If it’s a girl, it’s GOTTA be Abubus (uh BOO buhs).

Isn’t it gorgeous??

And if a boy, I must name him after his Father’s favorite pastime, which, much to my good fortune, is actually a biblical name!!

I will christen him Gas.