Confessions of a Smockaholic.

The other night, I was hanging out on Facebook when I noticed one of my blog readers, Leslie, engaging in some questionable activity.  I began delving into this dark counterculture in which she was immersing herself, and was fascinated at the depth, the popularity, and the entire dialect of the people group that are… Smockaholics.

I called Bradford (our local addiction health service) and asked them how I could best help my friend with her Smock Abuse problem. 

“Here’s what you should do…”, they told me.

So I confronted her about her issue.  She agreed that she had a problem.  We discussed her options.  And I recommended that she guest blog about the Smock Auction Underworld – you know, as therapy and accountability.

Hello, my name is Leslie and I am addicted to buying clothes through Facebook auctions.

If it is cute and in limited quantity, I MUST have it!

What? You haven’t heard about this?

Well, let me warn you that you may also become addicted and I cannot be held responsible for your future behavior or your dwindling bank account.

First, let me tell you a little about me. I am the mother of two girls – a 3 year old and a 13 month old. They are really the reason behind my new obsession. I love clothes of the smocked and non-smocked variations. As long as it is cute, I envision it on my girls.

However, I am actually not a huge fan of all things smocked, which is slightly ironic given some of most recent purchases.

Rachel wrote a great post about how different churches seem to have an unwritten rule regarding smocking. We attended a Smock-Optional Church and I think this sums up my personal/daily belief regarding smock.  Will I ever send my child to school in smock? Only on picture day and the outfit will stay on a hanger until the picture is about to snapped.

Because there is no way that dirt, snot, and gunk are getting close to that expensive outfit.

How expensive?  Anywhere from $60 to over $120. Yes, I have seen this price tag on a toddler outfit and no, I did not buy it. Plus, it wasn’t even smocked. So given these prices, most of my girl’s really nice outfits have come from Nana.

(God bless her insanity to pay those prices.)

So, when I saw online auctions that sold these nice boutique clothes for only $20-40, I was understandably beyond excited.

Let me explain how this works for you newbies. There are Facebook sites that are completely dedicated to selling children’s clothes. A few of them are Smockaholics, Smocktions, Smocked Auctions, and Smockadot.   That last one?  Over 120,000 people follow it.  Clearly, I am not alone in my problem.  And yes, there are several auction sites that don’t contain “smock” in the title, but I don’t find those sites quite as fun.

These sites have schedules for which they post preview pictures of the clothes up for auction later that night. I quickly search through all of the pictures. At that point, they don’t post the prices or quantity available in each size. My excitement begins as I see a cute outfit, and then I know that I will need to feed, bathe, and throw the kids in bed quickly since most of the sales begin at 8:00PM.

As I settle on the couch with my laptop in hand, my heart rate starts to climb.

(This can’t be a good sign right?)

Because I am a serious bidder (aka, FacebookAuctionaholic), I have already decided what outfits I want and for which child. I have written my sold statement (“Sold, 3T, crazybidder@yahoo.com, OOT”). The OOT means “Outside of Texas”, or whatever state they are sold from, which keeps me from having to pay unnecessary sales tax.

Then the fun (panic) begins: The constant refreshing of the page. Refreshing a page before it even loads completely is the key. Finally, I see the item/picture of my desire. I quickly paste the information and press enter. I hit refresh again and that pretty outfit that I just bid on 8 seconds ago now has 57 bids! But no time now to count the bids to see if I won (or even check the price of the outfit I just bid on a minute ago) – I must keep refreshing because they usually throw in some surprise items and “steals of the night.” And those may also be “must have” items that I didn’t even know that I needed minutes ago!

At the end of the sale as my heart rate starts to decrease, I start to contemplate how I can log this as exercise in my Lose It app. I mean…it did raise my heart rate for a good 20 minutes, so that has got to count for something, right?

As I begin to crash from all the adrenaline and head toward bed, I experience smock anxiety, since I have to wait until the morning to find out if I won.

(Well, I could wait up until midnight when they release the winners list, but I am not completely crazy!)

I thought I could partake in my addiction behind closed doors, but I forgot Facebook’s new feature where they randomly post my conversations with others on my friend’s news feed.

Gulp!

Yep, I am being called out left and right by my friends about my shopping habits.

You are probably wondering what my husband is saying about all this shopping. Well, lucky for me, I handle all the finances, so he doesn’t see the statements or all of the packages. Plus, I just explain to him how much I saved by buying it here than one of those expensive places.

It’s a bargain!

But my three year old almost sold me out other weekend. When we pulled up at the house, she exclaimed, “Oh no! Mommy, there are no packages.”

Double gulp!

Maybe I need to start a new Facebook account called MyGirlsClosets (or something that nobody knows). This way I can indulge in my addiction without a lurker or needed intervention.

By the way, did I mention that I’m a Psychologist?

Ironic, no?

Feel free to come bid with me nightly on Facebook – just don’t try to bid on the same outfits.