I’m not one to condone making blogscuses, but I would like to state a disclaimer for the following blog post: My house is currently under attack by a parade of little gremlins.
I was accosted over the weekend by the Emergency Dental Pain Gremlin, and I must say that the Weekend EDP Gremlin is MUCH worse than the weekDAY one, seeing as how he enjoyed tormenting me with pain-like-when-the-dentist-drills-into-my-not-yet-numb-teeth every time I tried to ingest any substance until said Dentist opened on Monday.
Luckily, my “rooty-tooty” Dentist must have realized that I had already done my Penance of Pain, because he went ahead and double numbed me before pulling out his torture devices (he usually likes to give me a test drill or two before doing it right, hence how I know SO WELL what it feels like to have my teeth drilled un-numbly).
However, the result of the double numbnation was being numb UP THROUGH MY NOSE all day Monday. Which makes it really hard to tell if you have anything hanging OUT of your nose, for the record.
Anyway. Other Gremlins.
Chris has been attacked by the more-work-that-you-can-shake-a-stick-at-right-before-you-go-on-vacation Gremlin. (Have I mentioned we’re going on vacation? Oh, sorry. We are. Today. But don’t worry, I’ll be around all week.) Poor guy has been working like crazy trying to get it all done, and is still working in the basement as I write this blog post (late Tuesday night).
And Ali? Well, you really don’t want to know the gory details of her Gremlin’s disastrous wake, seeing as how it made Chris dry heave and have to finish his fatherly duties with his shirt pulled up over his nose, but let’s just say she’s been attacked by the Peanut Butter Poo Flu Gremlin.
Which also had a weird and completely unrelated side effect of her waking up with a black eye yesterday morning. It drove me absolutely crazy all morning because I could not recall a single injury that might have caused it (especially since she Does. Not. Get. Hurt. Ever.) I even called my Mom and tried to ask in the most non-accusatory way if Ali had done anything when she was at her house that could have resulted in a black eye.
Now please understand, I didn’t mind at all that she got hurt – because I’m cold like that, and a kid’s gotta get hurt sometimes, right? I really just wanted to quench my annoying curiosity of WHAT CAUSED IT. Because there’s nothing more annoying than a bruise of which you can’t recall it’s precipitating event. And, since my bruises are like my sunburns and very late in appearing, I often wish I kept a bruise journal. It would be very helpful, like other unnecessarily detailed record books which I might or might not have kept in the past.
Anyway, so her purple/red eye got darker and darker as the morning went on, and then, at lunchtime, in a flash, it completely vanished.
Amazing.
So, the moral of this story is: Apparently there’s a virus going around that causes a complete lack of appetite, zombie-like behavior, Peanut Butter Poo, and Magically Vanishing Black Eyes.
Sounds like something out of Harry Potter, available for purchase at the Weasley’s joke store.
However, one more side effect of this intriguing Peanut Butter Poo Flu Gremlin is deep thoughts.
As we were traveling to take a meal to JC, Lindsay, Eli, and new Baby Tessa Kate Monday night (before I really realized that she was potentially sick, for the record), Ali was philosophizing in the back seat about the upcoming dinner.
“Tessa won’t eat it. She’s a baby. Babies drink milk.”
(silence, as more deep thoughts take place.)
“Tessa’s older than my snot.”
(silence, interrupted by stifled giggles in the front seat.)
“Tessa’s older than my cheese and crackers, too.”
I’m pretty sure that she’s right on the snot account, but I’m thinking that there’s a good chance that her oh-so-preprocessed Lunchables Cheese and Crackers MAY have been sitting on the grocery store shelf a tad longer than Tessa’s been around.
In fact, maybe that’s where the Gremlins came from.
Loved Ali's deep thoughts I laughed out loud at the snot one. Hope everyone gets to feeling better soon and you enjoy your vacation.
Too funny! FYI Gremlins scared my pants off when I was a girl. LOL
I am sorry but the "peanut butter poo" totally cracked me up and I can SO relate to that kind of virus hitting our house often!
Have fun on vacation!
Of course all that is happening right before your vacation! Do ya'll have the vacation fight? Where you get into a big fight right before or just as you arrive to your vacation place. For us, it's like we have to get all the stress out so we can relax and enjoy. But anyway, hope you and Ali feel better soon and that you have a great time!
Are you sure it's safe to come check on Oreo this week while you're gone?!?! :)
I just died a million deaths over Peanut Butter Poo Flu.
Have fun on your vacation.
You are too funny. So sorry for all the gremlins in your world lately…
Kids say the greatest things, don't they. They are really deep thinkers. I'll never forget Maddie singing a song she had made up herself: I want to get to heaven with my clothes on real tight.
All I can figure is that she must have heard somewhere that we will go flying up to heaven when Jesus returns. Thus the fear that her clothes might come flying off????
Between the Gremlin pics and the unmentionably described poo, I have got a major case of the heebs. Eww.
I hope everything gets better before vacation!
Mama Hen – no, not normally, but I know that of which you speak!
Alice, I will try to spray for Gremlins before we leave so they don't jump on you!
Shelly – that is hilarious! I love it. It kinda sounds like a country song…
I do apologize for those of you traumatized by the Gremlins Movie as children. I never saw it, so the images of Gremlins do not bring back my childhood.
If you mentioned Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, I might be re-traumatized…
OH – and it's not really quite peanut butter colored, per say, it's more like Peanut Butter fudge colored – you know, the type with Marshmallow cream in it? That light, sandy, peanut butter color.
And now, I find the need to apologize again. . .
Peanut Butter Poo!!!
*snort* That cracked me up because I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! Jackson had it before and it's so gross!
I hope you all feel better and have a good vacation.:)
Side note:I caught up and it just took two hours!:)
Hysterical!! Love Her! I am so upset that I did not get to meet you the other day! Maybe next time.
Giann
Oh my goodness, the peanut butter poo does not sound good! And the dental pain sounds even worse! I'm pretty sure I have dentaphobia…it's totally irrational and I realize that but I HATE the dentist more than anything…well not more than all my teeth falling out I guess, but still. Good luck getting rid of all those gremlins! :)
I hope those gremlins leave you guys alone while you're at the beach!
I get bruises all the time and I have no idea where they came from, but they've never vanished into thin air like Ali's did, that's so strange!
Ali's deep thoughts are hilarious, I was laughing out loud reading them! Can't wait 'til Luke starts talking like that, I'm dying to know what he's thinking about :)
Okay, those gremlins are really freaking me out right now. haha!