So I know that The Miss America Pageant was two weeks ago.

I’ve been busy – what can I say?

Plus, I just got the opportunity to re-watch parts of the pageant with Ali for our annual viewing party of “The Princesses of the States”.

And really, The Pageant is like a Pixar movie – you need to watch it at least twice to pick up on all of the beautiful subtleties.

Granted, some things were easily appreciated the first time watching it through, as I was checking my favorite annual moments off like a Sequin-Covered Scavenger Hunt.

Such as…

Who will make this year’s flatulence joke?

“Just like a Las Vegas Buffet, we have more natural gas than any other state – I’m Miss West Virginia!!!”

Who will come out gift-wrapped?

Thanks for taking that one, Miss Alabama.


Who will take America’s breath away with her humility and down-to-earthness?

“I think that once you get past the pretty hair, the perfect makeup, the great body, and the beautiful smile, what I want America to know about me is that I have a heart for people.” – Miss Louisiana

Who will bring it all back around to the real reason for the Miss America Pageant, the Scholarships?

“[My evening gown] has a lot of sex appeal, with the high slit and the low cut top. But it’s just showcasing the body I’ve worked so hard on.” — Miss Illinois

But the part that I definitely appreciated more the second viewing was the talent competition, despite this year’s serious lacking of a proper yodeler.

Because we’re a Twitter generation, it would be ludicrous to assume that a 90 second song or dance could hold our attention solely on it’s own, so this year they added pop-up facts.

And the facts they chose to share with America…fascinating stuff, I tell you.

Ali and I learned that Miss Tennessee was an aspiring Cougar,


That Miss California was thrilled with the fact that .002% of her state cares about what she has to say,


That Miss Illinois was…how does that even come up in real life??


And then she had me Googling her second fact … only to find out that her first one would have fallen under it.


(Which means the Windmill fear must be especially intense, what with getting named specifically and all.)

Miss Oklahoma, however, is not nearly as afraid of getting up close and personal with large objects.


Miss Texas felt the need to state the obvious,


and then make us all ask “Well why DIDN’T you, then??”


Miss Wisconsin showed her ignorance as to the definition of the word “secretly”,


And Miss New York just made us wonder.


And finally, Miss Louisiana left me envisioning a dozen different scenarios in which this could have possibly occurred.


So this got me thinking.

What would my pop-up facts be?


Miss America Pop Up 3

And of course there’s always,

Miss America Pop Up 1

If only there were pop-up facts in real life, because now I’m consumed with curiosity as to what all of yours are.

37 thoughts on “Pop-Up Pageant.

  1. I think mine would be “could be a genius if she could only remember useful facts instead of song lyrics to any song she’s heard more than twice”. Sad, but true…


    You have to tell me what Miss California is doing, because I swear, it looks like she’s birthing a watermelon.

    Although I think I’d be out of luck, pretty sure you have to love a hairdryer to be a state princess. I think they SHOULD call it “Princesses of the States”. It seems less creepy that way.

  4. Oh my, did Miss OKlahoma really have to confirm all stereotypes about us? And no, I don’t know how to give a cow a pedicure. Though I guess I technically know how t give a horse a pedicure, if by pedicure you mean “cleaning their hooves.”
    My pop ups would probably be something like “remembers song lyrics even from Tv jingles in the 80s” or “washed her hair in the sink for two whole years as a child because she was afraid she would be electrocuted jn the shower by a freak lightening bolt.”

  5. oh c’mon…to give this post the right vibe, you should have included your picture in your Mother Gothel dress!! Because really, aspiring Disney character dresses got nothing on “birthing a watermelon” dress. (ha! read Amy S.’ comment! I agree!!)

    mine would be “would almost rather be doing anything else in the world than watch The Princesses of the States Pageant.” So thanks…because your take on the pageant is much more my style than the actual pageant!! :)

    1. I thought about it – I really did.

      And you should reconsider yours – watching Miss America these days is like watching a SNL spoof of Miss America. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if Saturday Night Live decided that they DID want to spoof Miss America, they’d do a completely serious and dignified pageant.

  6. Has been known to blog things about her family before she has told her husband.

    Set a record for number of weeks eating at Chick-fil-A.

    Trying to re-lose the 10 lbs she lost last year (see above for problem area).

    Used to hate odd numbers of people seated together, until she had only one child.

    Is scared of people or creatures with weird heads.

  7. when i read the piano and hula hoop…thought the same thing. Thats Talent!

    Mine would be….”has seen more endangered animals give birth than people”

  8. LOL. Wow. I don’t think I have seen a pagent on TV in about ten years and it looks like things have certainly changed! Those pop-ups are hilarious! Maybe mine could be “Self-proclaimed dentophobiac” or “Has kept the clumsiest child on earth alive for over four and half years!”

  9. Hysterical! I think my fact would be “Has been obsessed with child beauty pageants since Painted Babies came on in the early 1990’s” I can’t help it….it’s like the perfect freak show!

  10. Ok, I was hoping someone else caught what Miss LA said! I could NOT get over it!! I kept thinking SURELY that’s not what she meant to say..& Miss AL’s dress was HORRENDOUS!

    I think one of my pop-up facts would be:

    “Self-proclaimed grammar nazi”

  11. Hmm..
    “Hates the word moisture.”
    “Wonders why people in her neck of the woods find things inneresting.” Okay folks, there is a “t” in the word. Please use it!

    And, if I say the word fur instead of for one more time, I am moving out of this state!
    Or how about the fact that everything in this state is down? Really? It is never over or up?

    I always enjoy your posts. :)

  12. Loved your commentary. Hilarious. Mine might include:

    Her 3-year-old can school her in Angry Birds
    Hates the sound of people cruching food

  13. I enjoyed your commentary…very humorous.

    I think mine might include:

    Is easily schooled by her 3 year old when playing Angry Birds
    Hates the sound of people chomping on crunchy food

  14. The pop-up pageant had me laughing all night! Several of the contestants said something about being sexy or how it was ok to show what you have worked for – to which my husband questioned (which he will deny ever watching, even in passing), is this Miss America or Miss USA? Apparently there is no difference now.

  15. I guess mine would have to be “Hate for feet to be shown in public unless the toes are perfectly painted. Believes men and big boy feet should not be shown in public-ever. Is scared of the color yellow. As in makes her physically nauseaeous if shown in too large a quantity at one time.”

    I know, its sad, isn’t it?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *