So yesterday during the kid’s naptimes, (also known as my only work time), my blog went down.
Like, DOWN down.
Like, so down that I couldn’t even get to my admin page down.
And then – it stayed down. For sixteen hours.
One can go through a lot of emotions in sixteen hours.
1. Denial. No – it’s not down. My computer is just screwed up. Let’s try it on my iPhone.
2. Franticness. It’s not coming up on my iPhone either! Maybe this other computer? Maybe the iPad? Maybe I could walk over to my neighbor’s house and try it there? An internet café, maybe!! Maybe I should call one or ten friends to see if they can get it to come up?
3. Horror. Oh. It’s DOWN down. Like baby get low, low, low, low on the dance floor down.
4. Re-Denial. Surely this will only last for a few minutes. Surely it will pop up any second now…
5. Worst Case Scenarioing. What if I’ve been hacked again? What if my site is being used for a giant offshore banking scheme? What if my URL is currently being utilized to swindle people out of millions of dollars in order that they may accept their fifteen billion dollar inheritance from a fake African Prince?
6. Mass Pleas for Help. Surely someone can help me. Email my hosting company. Email WordPress. Email Vaultpress. Email random dude who once helped me with my blog problems. Email the Pope. Email Barack. Email Nostradamus. Email Honey Badger.
7. Attempted Ignoring. Go do something else. Anything else. Perhaps the dishes. Or mop the floors. Or slowly pluck out every hair on my left arm. ANYTHING.
8. Shame. Obviously this whole blog thing is too important to me. I must quit immediately before it overtakes and swallows me whole. Yes, blogging must end. Maybe this is goodbye.
9. Justification. No, it’s okay to be upset about a hobby that you love. I bet that dude with the world’s largest aluminum foil ball would be pretty torn up if someone came and chopped a side off of it.
10. Suspicion. Who hacked my blog?? Did YOU hack my blog?? No – it was YOU!! I just knew you really hated me deep down on the inside!!
11. Back of the Mind Consumption. Okay. The kids are awake. It’s still not up, but it’s time to get back to real life… even if I can’t forget what has happened.
12. Semi-Relief. Here’s an email from the hosting company – my server is messed up. They’re fixing it as fast as they can. At least I know that it wasn’t an evil Bangladeshian Hacker.
13. Sleep. Sleep will make it all better. Surely when I wake, all will be right in the world.
14. Dreams. It’s back up!! It’s back down. It’s back up!! Leonard Nemoy is eating it. A Brazilian Caterpillar is dancing on my server!! Whoa – is that Kung Fu Panda dancing across my blog?
15. Inability to Face Reality. I think I’ll hit snooze one more time – I’m not ready to find out the fate of my attitude today.
16. Re-Shame. Snooze… what kind of awful person am I that I don’t want to get out of bed because I’m afraid my blog is still down??? Must quit blogging immediately.
17. Wary Joy. It’s back up – for reals. Or is it? I will never feel secure in my bloghood again.
(If you’re still having trouble with it, let me know. Or don’t – you might send me back into The Tailspin of Blog Angst.)