Dear Grandfathers of Newbie,

In our child naming process, we both recognized that it was somewhat of a family tradition to name male children after their Grandfathers. You both did it with at least one of your sons, and I’m sure that you would have loved a Grandson to be named after you. And after all, we love and respect you both, and would be honored to pass that on through a naming homage.

And, although I know that you are both fairly easygoing Granddads, I wanted to give some sort of explanation as to why we didn’t represent you in the naming of our son.

(Granted, Dad, I know that James is one of your overly-ambitious count of THREE names, but every male in our family has the name James, so I figured you weren’t too touched by that gesture.)

Now. Back to your names.

You see, there was a problem.

You’re simply not compatible as Grandfathers.

If we had chosen each of your middle names as homage to you, our son would have been lucky enough to be named…Michael Vic.

At least he would lose the “k” at the end, but it’s certain that people would still think of a dog-torturing football player every time they laid eyes on our son, instead of how amazingly adorable he will surely be.

But an even worse option would have been to combine your first names.

That’s right, our son would have been lucky enough to possess the double whammy of ALL boy names.

The be all and end all of cruelty in parenting.

The Big Kahuna, if you will.

He would have been…Peter Richard.

And no one needs to start off in life with a “Kick Me” sign on their back THAT big.

So I do hope that you understand our choices, and understand that it wasn’t us, it was you.


Rachel, Chris, and a much happierly named Noah.

16 thoughts on “Inescapably Incompatible.

  1. That's hilarious! I'm sure they'll understand. Will and I thought for a little while about naming a son (if ever we have one) with my Dad's first name and his Dad's (and his) middle name. Then one my friends pointed out to that the result, John Thomas, is the name that Charlotte's first husband in Sex and the City gave to his penis. Obviously that one's out!

  2. haha! Love this! I sympathize as my grandfather's names are Otto and Eilert. Yeah. Let's not go there shall we? Sometimes its best to end the misery! Good call.

  3. We did the name after grandfather thing. Mostly because it just sounded good! James for my son and then we did Christine for my daughter who get a triple whammy with that one: Dad is Christopher as well as Grandpa and an aunt Christine. We tell Auntie, M was named after her. Little does she know…
    PS: The Flex is AWESOME!!! More room than a Yukan in the back. Bucket seats in the second row and little feet cannot reach the front seats to kick and push! Seriously, look at em.

  4. Lol! You are so funny. I'm sure the grandpas understand. :) Both our girls' middles are named after my side so the next one's gonna have to go to T's. :)

  5. 1. My father will never have a grandson named after him. (Clifford Martin)
    2. Too funny! The exact same thing happened to me! I wanted to do a family name and I had the exact same family name "Peter Richard" and my sister quickly pointed out that it may show some obsession on my part of the male anatomy. And thankfully we're having a girl.

  6. Love it! That is hilarious! We had considered the Davis Isaiah, but with our last name starting with a C, it would have been the initials D.I.C. So we decided not to. :)

  7. If everyone did this forever we'd still have kids walking around named Eunice and Hezekiah. It's gonna stop sometime!

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