Dear Grandfathers of Newbie,
In our child naming process, we both recognized that it was somewhat of a family tradition to name male children after their Grandfathers. You both did it with at least one of your sons, and I’m sure that you would have loved a Grandson to be named after you. And after all, we love and respect you both, and would be honored to pass that on through a naming homage.
And, although I know that you are both fairly easygoing Granddads, I wanted to give some sort of explanation as to why we didn’t represent you in the naming of our son.
(Granted, Dad, I know that James is one of your overly-ambitious count of THREE names, but every male in our family has the name James, so I figured you weren’t too touched by that gesture.)
Now. Back to your names.
You see, there was a problem.
You’re simply not compatible as Grandfathers.
If we had chosen each of your middle names as homage to you, our son would have been lucky enough to be named…Michael Vic.
At least he would lose the “k” at the end, but it’s certain that people would still think of a dog-torturing football player every time they laid eyes on our son, instead of how amazingly adorable he will surely be.
But an even worse option would have been to combine your first names.
That’s right, our son would have been lucky enough to possess the double whammy of ALL boy names.
The be all and end all of cruelty in parenting.
The Big Kahuna, if you will.
He would have been…Peter Richard.
And no one needs to start off in life with a “Kick Me” sign on their back THAT big.
So I do hope that you understand our choices, and understand that it wasn’t us, it was you.
Rachel, Chris, and a much happierly named Noah.