Dear Alex,

Alex Lambert

I don’t know where to start, except that your American Idol candle burned out long before your legend ever will.


I’m pretty sure that you’re the first contestant that has ever inspired me to vote in the preliminary rounds (except for all of the Birmingham guys – Ruben, Bo, and Taylor – I’m a hometown supporter, after all). I’m sorry that America didn’t see what I saw in you.

You overcame so many adversities to make it to the show…

For one, the mullet. You sang so well it almost made me think that it was cute.

Let me be clear: It is NOT cute, but had you stayed, I might have been won over by the end of the show.

And even more importantly, you overcame the adversity of very nearly sharing a name with the scariest person that has ever been on Idol:

Adam Lambert

I promise you that the Lamberts of the world are VERY appreciative of you bringing respect back to their surname.

The thing is, if the show was based on talent, Aaron Kelly should have gone instead of you.

Aaron Kelly

But there’s some sort of unspoken Idol rule that there MUST be one scrawny, cheesy teenage boy that could easily play the starring role in “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” in the top 12 to keep the tweens coming back for more.

Apparently, yesterday’s wimps are today’s heart throbs.

Whether it’s David Archuleta,David Archuleta

Anthony Federov,Anthony Federov

John Stevens,

John Stevens

Or the King of the WimpyVille, Kevin Covais.

Kevin Covais
If only you looked wimpy and cheesy…but then I probably wouldn’t be a fan.

Ali and I watched the DVR’ed show today..when you came on to do your last performance, I told her you were my favorite. She stood, mesmerized, attempting to clap with the rhythm but failing miserably, definitely crushing on you instead of Wimpy Kid.

I’m pretty sure that if she knew what a Zippo was, she would have been waving it above her head.

It sure seemed like the judges could see your talent, too – why else would Ellen compare you to a banana three weeks in a row?

But maybe I saw something in you that wasn’t really there.

But at least they always do a horrid group-medley-made-for-the-Wimpy-Kids-of-the-World on kick-off night to add a silver lining to that dark cloud of rejection…at least you can take comfort in the fact that you’ll never have to do THAT again.

Let me just say that you are officially, and always will be, the Grasping For Objectivity 2010 Idol.

…but you might want to consider ditching the mullet.

Your biggest and apparently only fan,


p.s. – Lilly should have stayed too. And maybe even Katelyn. America obviously stinks at the whole voting thing this year.

p.p.s. – It was totally obvious that Siobhan has a thing for you – but be careful not to break her heart. I wouldn’t get on anyone’s bad side that uses a blow-torch in their day job.

p.p.p.s. – Seriously. Get rid of the Mullet.

17 thoughts on “Alex Lambert: An Ode.

  1. I'm loving the zippo comment! And, sadly, I've fallend behind on AI this season. I was doing pretty good during the auditions and then I strayed away.

    Oh, and you were dead on about the requirement for one wimpy guy during every season. I think they know that America loves a sympathy vote!

    And the mullet definitely needs to go! Like yesterday!!!

  2. Ok, I am one of AI's #1 fans but this season I have about had it! I voted 15 times for Alex & Todrick each! This was my first wk NOT voting for Andrew Garcia & I decided to make Alex my #1 & now this?!?! I am seriously outraged and if it weren't for Crystal Bowersox I would not continue to vote! America has got it WRONG, but what else is new?? I mean, let's take a look around, what have we gotten RIGHT lately?? *crickets*crickets*

  3. I liked him and he and he sang one of my favorite songs this week. BUT Casey gets my vote for the boys :) *giggles*. :)

  4. I don't watch Idol, I know… for shame, but I do love your stories and how you express yourself in what you want to tell. Is writing books in your future?

  5. Awww man!(In the words of Ali and AJ!) I didn't watch the elimination, but I'm SERIOUSLY bummed to find out that he was voted off. He was my #1 fave.I can't believe this. I hope he comes out with a good album…I will be first in line! And I agree with you…I liked him so much I even started thinking the mullet was cute too :)

  6. Wow, you almost make me want to watch the show. I even clicked on Alex's link and read his 14 questions.

  7. I agree with you on your entire blog. I thought Alex, and Lilly and the other girl should have stayed, but I am so glad Todrick is gone. I'm so disappointed at America this year, they voted all the wrong ways. I think Page should have gone b/c she had a bad performance the other night. I also thought that the guy with glasses should have gone over Alex Lambert. Oh, and I so agree with you about the mullet. I loved his voice though. He has a great voice, and I hope that he makes it in the music world even though his American Idol stint is over.

  8. I am about to be run out of town – I haven't watched AI since Kelly! I know! How unAmerican of me…

    But seriously, he reminded me of Carol Brady.

  9. My Husband and I were very sad about Alex leaving. The industry people watch that show closely and I'm pretty sure he'll get a record deal. Very unique voice and a sweetheart!

  10. HAd to LOL…..Every year I have done weekly idol post, this year less inspired. I feel frustrated.
    I do agree with your comments though, Alex should not have been the one to leave. Kateyn, yes. Lilly, no way-huge surprise. I loved Alex's voice. I do think the mullet was his downfall. Didn't the 80's teach us anything. Somethings are better left in the past.

  11. I haven't seen the show this year, so I can't comment on his voice, but I totally agree that the mullet HAS to go!

  12. The Carol Brady hair is cracking me up!! I wish I'd thought of it.

    Stephanie: The banana analogies were priceless.

    Week 1: Ellen told him that he was like a green banana – one that she just wished would ripen up so she could eat it.

    Week 2: She told him he was ripening up into a great banana.

    Week 3: She told him he was a ripe banana! But not to let it get to his head, because NO ONE likes a cocky banana.

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