And I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For…

Go ahead and hate me for getting that U2 song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. It’s in mine too, if that’s any consolation.

But besides that, I decided the other day that it was high time to take another look at my Google Search Terms (my first look can be found here). And, it was perfect timing. Who knew I’d be completely devoid of creative thought today?

And so, here are the “best” searches that have brought people to my blog over the past few months, and my answers to their burning questions:

“cant get the flem out of the back of my throaght” – It is a well-known fact that a very poor spelling can cause long-term phlegm issues. Address your spelling challenges and the phlegm will fix itself.

“Duggar Kid’s Middle Names” – Really? Because they don’t have enough names for you to memorize already??

“carbon nanotube/epoxy nanocomposites: effect of interfacial chemistry and processing on molecular” – I’m so sorry that you found my blog. I’m afraid I might have been NO help to you at all. But I AM tempted to Google that myself and figure out what in the heck Google saw in my blog that it thought would be beneficial to your searching needs.

“jesus in a box” sermon – I always thought that Jesus in a Box would make a great sermon illustration myself…

“a story of a bombastic language” – Whatever language that is, if you find it, by all means let me know – our Pastor would LOVE it!

“can i be allergic to a titanium screw in foot” – If I had just stepped on a titanium screw, allergies wouldn’t what I’d be worrying about.

“cards for caring about someone drinking too much” – So there IS a market for my TMI Greeting Cards out there! Looks like I just found my first customer!

“grasping objectivity hi rachel :)” – Obviously SOMEONE knows how much I love to look at my stats. The word is out – I’m a geek. Hi to you, too!

“how did florida get alabama coastline?” – if only MORE people were asking this question, maybe my revolution to get it back would be successful!!!!

“how much candy does a toddler eat” – I’m thinking that would depend on the toddler. Oh – and also the Mommy. I, for instance, typically eat at least half of my toddler’s candy before she manages to consume it herself. You know, for her health, of course.

“diaper rach teething” – And I thought a diaper RASH from teething was bad!!!

“dear god can anyone help me with reflux problems” – Ask God, not Google.

“ear bottom kiss” – this reminds me of a game we played in junior high – the leader would call out two random body parts – “Tongue to foot!!”, and the two teammates were the last to complete the assignment were out…it was a bit of a grotesque game, especially since many junior highers don’t have the best of hygiene habits. Thanks for the flashbacks on THAT one.

“congrats rachel” – Why thank you!

“i have 2 different butt cheek colors why?” – Wow. I’m not exactly sure who the expert would be to help you with that question, but I am quite sure that it’s not me.

“ways to ruin rachel’s life” – I really hope that you didn’t find the answers you were looking for.

“is it necessary to go to ER for sleepwalking” – Well, now, that really completely depends on what you accomplished while sleepwalking, now doesn’t it? If you’re me, yes, it does.

“eating steak makes women bulky” – Is that a statement or a question?

“jeans don’t have enough room in the buttocks” – I am sure that there are jeans out there for you, somewhere. And if it makes you feel any better (it won’t), there ARE people out there who have the opposite problem, like the person who searched this: “jeans that will make me have a more fuller butt “. Okay, so that didn’t make you feel better. Maybe THIS search will make you feel like your problem isn’t the worst in the world: “women showing big 45 inches butts wearing jeans”

“pictures of old greek people” – Hopefully you were successful and found some pictures of my Dad, right?

(I am SO getting disowned for that one!)

“steps on how to do christmas toe nail designs” – Oh you found steps all right – it just might not have been QUITE the kind of toenail designs you were hoping for.

“my daughter in toilet” – I recommend getting off of Google and going to pull her out. In fact, that might be a sign of internet addiction: if when your daughter is in the toilet, you’re Googling the fact rather than solving the problem.

“how to shower without satan looking” – Um, wow. The necessity of knowing how to do that has never crossed my mind. Thanks for ruining all of my showers henceforth.