To the Ladybug in Charge of Winter Home Assignment; Birmingham Embassy of Ladybugs:
First of all, let me compliment your organization skills. To be able to organize 44 ladybugs to all show up in one place at the same time is quite impressive. It reminds me of the flash mob craze, except without the internet to organize it.
Also, to have this happen within 10 days of the exact date we were swarmed last year shows that your timing is impeccable. Especially since I happen to know that these are certainly not the same ladybugs that came last year. You are quite the impressive administrator.
I am writing today to make a simple request in your assignment decision. I am not opposed to ladybugs, and although I would prefer not to be swarmed with them every year, I can handle that. I just request that you please pick a different room in our house other than Ali’s bedroom.
This will benefit you also – because you see, had you not chosen her room to swarm last year, she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to eat one of your honored members.
I know that there are much worse bug infestation options, and I would definitely choose ladybugs over all other bugs to swarm my house, so I do hope you don’t take offense to my request. It’s just. . . a baby’s room is not the place to camp out for the winter!
If you are insistent on continuing to come to her room, I would appreciate it if you could be so kind in letting me know how you’re getting in, so that I can make a more “welcoming” entrance for you (don’t pay any attention to my fingers crossed behind my back).
The owner of the Birmingham Ladybug Winter Lodge.
p.s. – I am sure that you are demanding answers to the drowning of 24 ladybugs this morning and 20 more ladybugs before naptime that occurred in an Aquafina water bottle. I am so sorry for your tragedy and my thoughts and condolences go out to the whole Ladybug community. I will let you know if I identify any suspects in this dreadful crime. This may just not be a very safe neighborhood for ladybugs.