The Texting society in which we all now exist has changed the appropriation of the phrase “You’ve got the wrong number.”
In the past, when we actually talked on our phones, before you revealed any sort of real information about yourself, you inadvertently indicated that you’d messed up the digits.
“Hi! May I please speak to Wanda?”
“I’m sorry – there’s no Wanda here. You must have the wrong number.”
It was so clean, so whitewashed, so business-like.
But now, there are texts. And texts don’t typically start with a request to text with Wanda. They just jump right in.
As such, I sometimes like to play with wrong-digit texters.
But other times, I am not mentally acute enough to play, such as when I received this melodramatic jewel six days after my tonsillectomy:
I was on pain pills and couldn’t conjure an emo-enough persona to answer her (him?) back, so I just stayed silent.
Two days later, despite my silence, she (he?) was feeling better about our relationship.
STILL on pain pills, I again just let it go. This did not help her (his?) mental state. After five days of agony, I received this addition to our growing one-sided love letter:
At this point, I knew I couldn’t respond – my silence was making this conversation significantly more interesting than words ever would. I hope to hear from her (him?) and her (his?) changing emotional state for the rest of time.
But then, one our of babysitters, Sarah, shared this conversation with me.
And I knew that all of my wrong-numberers would never, EVER hold a candle to Carl.
First of all, Carl, Emoji Eyes always make everything feel more creepy.
ALWAYS.
Sarah is a sweet, kind-hearted human being, so she attempted to let him down gently.
Carl, wrong-number texting is NEVER a meet-cute opportunity. For all you know, Sarah could be an 85-year-old Great-Grandmother of 56 who learned how to text to keep up with all those younguns.
(She is not. But let’s never tell Carl that.)
And Carl, Sarah was nice to you. She didn’t play with your emotions like I would have done. In exchange, you should have thanked her, not continued…as you did….
Carl. If Candace wasn’t answering you, a new phone isn’t going to help the problem.
But then we find out you might have bigger problems.
Carl. Wow.
Just.
Wow.
But did you quit?
No.
You continued to text Sarah, finding solace in her over-friendliness and fine acting job of not being completely skeeved out by you, you who found it necessary to triple your Creepy Emoji Eye count.
Based on the header on the screenshots Sarah sent me, Carl might have been thanking her in vain.
But then.
Did Carl quit?
Of course Carl didn’t quit.
Candace the Sonic Girl should be flattered.
Or should consider moving to Vanuatu immediately.
What’s really, really awkward is when you receive someone’s wrong number X-RATED text. And of course it was from a guy. And I received it when I was on my way to church. I’m just thankful it was before I had a smartphone, so it was at least a blurry, slightly out-of-focus picture. Unfortunately, that means I studied it for a minute before I realized what I was looking at, and then I screamed. No, I did not reply. Yes, I immediately deleted it.
This is beyond priceless. It is simultaneously awesome and awful. What did Preston say?
This happened when he was working on Sundays, so I didn’t tell him until he got home from work that day. He went into detective-mode, trying to figure out who it was and the best way to “catch” whoever it was so he would think twice before doing it again. I think we ended up just blocking the number so that he couldn’t text me anything else.
I’m surprised he didn’t go arrest him! :-)
I love that she named him CREEP. This is fantastic. HOW COME ERRBODY ELSE GETS ALL THE GOOD TEXTS.
You should start texting random numbers pictures of hemmies.
Dang Carl. You are a creep!
Once someone texted me “Hey Boo Thang! Can I come do some laundry at your place?”
I responded “Sure. I’ve got about 4 loads that need to be washed, dried, folded, and put away. What time will you be here? PS. I don’t think I’m your Boo Thang.”
I LOVE IT! Yes, I’d take a random stranger coming to finish up all my laundry.
Lol! This is hilarious!
This is hilarious! I recently got a text IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS asking me to come pick them up downtown. I replied I didn’t know who it was and they had the wrong number. He replied he ‘knew I was a busy woman and ‘dint’ want my thang (?) he just needed a ride.” I had to share that one with my husband at 3am! Hahaha
Not a text wrong number but a voicemail: two years ago I missed a call and the voicemail was from a hospice chaplain calling to offer his condolences on the death of my mother who was actually alive and well and visiting me at the time! I then called him back to let him know it was a wrong number and he felt horrible for worrying me needlessly. I only found it funny since I had ,seen my mom less than 6 hours before!
I had one fella text me saying “what up my (n word)” I told him I was so sorry but I wasn’t his N word but I hoped he found him. (no I didn’t use the word). I had one fella text me saying good morning. I thought it might be a customer I had to text numbers to recently (cause they were driving) so I was nice and said “good morning, who is this?” He said he was John. I told him he must have the wrong number and to have a good day. Well he had to answer back with “send me some pics.” So I let my husband take it from there. My most recent text was from a young lady letting me know she had had her baby. I told her “Congratulations on that bundle of joy, BUT I’m not whom you are looking for.” She didn’t believe me so she decided to call me 3 times telling me I had to be Mrs. Flowers the hospital gave her my number. I told her I definitely wasn’t. I don’t work at a hospital, I work for a septic tank company. She didn’t like that either.