Have you noticed how everyone and their third cousin is now attempting a career in Spam Scam Emails? It’s not just the guys in Zimbabwe anymore – I now get them on a daily basis from all over the world, including Madame Petrov in Russia, Senor Martinez in Nicaragua, and even Sir Bennett in England!!
But the more spammer scammers that come out, the sloppier the scams get. I mean, if you can’t put together an English sentence well enough to even make a three word subject line sound right, do you REALLY think people will believe your story?
And so, if your a spam scammer, that’s why you need to enroll immediately in:
That’s right! Rachel’s Scam School is the Premier Online College to educate properly in the fine art of Spam Scam!!
Classes include:
English 101 – How to sound foreign, while at the same time having good enough English for it to be believable that you are a deposed and rich Prince in exile, who happens to have internet access in the cave in which you hide.
Target Identification – How to make sure the email addresses that you pick are the innocent and kind-hearted 100 year old ladies who actually happen to have email, not the 99.9999% of the population who would never in a million years wire you money.
Believability 101 – How to make your wiring instructions, monetary amounts, and reasons for doing so sound even remotely possible.
Creative Writing: The Sob Story – How to come up with an original, believable story such as about how your family was killed in a civil war and happened to leave you billions of dollars and a kind heart, making you motivated to give it all away to the lucky recipient of the email.
The Motivation of Greed – How to best prey upon the American culture of greed and the desire to get something for nothing to wipe away all logic and reason and make them blindly send their money to you in hopes of discovering a fortune in their bank account the next day.
But wait!!!! That’s not all!!!
The best part of enrolling in Rachel’s Scam School is that you don’t even have to pay for it!!! We have investors from Uganda and Kenya that are covering the costs of YOUR education as a way to get their funds out of their war-ravaged countries and invest in honest, hard-working people like you!
All that they request is a deposit to show your earnestness in pursuing your education and starting your home business. So if you can simply wire us $10,000, we will send you the materials for your coursework AND send you a $1,000,000 grant to help you start your new business and your new life!!!!
The lessons you learn from enrolling in Rachel’s Scam School are guaranteed to stay with you for the rest of your life.
It’s ALMOST too good to be true!!!
I get very sick of receiving those things. And raging at them when some older person than me asks what I think like they are really thinking about it. Just think if Great G'ma were still with us she would probably do it, because we know all people are trustworthy.
Hilarious! I love the ending – caught me off guard! If only more scammers WOULD get scammed…it'd be awesome!
Hahaha, I have never got one of those e-mails. But I'm sure they could definitely benefit from your "school". :)
Niiiiiice. I got one last week that claimed to be an American soldier in Iraq who had found some of Saddam Hussein's gold and wanted me to help him get it out of Iraq and split the proceeds. Apparently our military is recruiting from Nigeria now, because his mastery of the English language was shaky at best. ;)
you're funny. :) :)
I'm in, sounds like I could learn a lot from your scam school. I'll wire you the money 1st thing Monday morning :)