The First-Hand Report.

As I wrote my blog post about our toilet catastrophes Monday night, I had somewhat bought into Chris’ illness-induced nonchalant attitude. “It’s just fine.  I’ll paint the ceiling when it dries.  Don’t worry about it.” (Can I stress again how bizarre that is for him??  BIZARRE.  The man curses the very concept of home ownership […]

Attempts at Being a Dance Mom.

I was never a girly-girl. Not that I was necessarily a tomboy – just lost somewhere in the awkward in-between.  While all of my friends were gracefully flitting about in their ballet classes, I was playing softball – and loving it.  My left-handed status gave me special privileges, so despite my lack of exceptional skills, […]

Diary of a Windy Kid.

A couple of weeks ago, Ali informed me of an interesting fact at the breakfast table. “When Giann babysits me, she makes me go to the bathroom to toot.” “She does?” “Yes.  She says it smells too bad.” “So.  Do you?” (sigh) “Yes.  I’m not allowed to toot around her anymore.  She says I need […]

Home Alone: The Review.

So Chris went to Dallas last weekend for the Alabama/Michigan game. (I know, right?? Why do Alabama and Michigan need to meet in TEXAS??  And men say that women are the illogical ones…) He was gone the entire long weekend – from Friday morning to Monday afternoon. Which, if anyone’s counting, is four days and […]

Birthday Chow.

Chris has never been one to shy away from the concept of using birthday credit. (Nor have I, as I prefer to have a birthday month.) Usually, about three months before his birthday, he starts throwing things out there that he’d like to have, do, or eat on his birthday. This year, however, was surprising.  […]

Two Princes.

Ali’s Godmother is one of my best friends, Amanda. Amanda is 32, and Ali loves her dearly. …But Ali is concerned with her complete lack of Godfather, so she is quite impatient for Amanda to find her Prince. As such, she petitioned Amanda. “Maybe you could try kissing a frog?” Amanda answered quickly … nay, […]

Would You Like That Deep-Fried or Dried?

Originally posted September 23, 2010. Birth, although an amazingly beautiful and miraculous occasion, is, let’s face it, also pretty fantastically disgusting. You’ve got blood and guts and possibly poo and definitely puke and meconium and blood and guts and…Placenta. There’s just nothing pretty about placenta. (I would normally insert a picture of a placenta in […]

Happy Mother’s Day, from Time Magazine.

You might have seen it by now. You might have even seen it before it came out, like I did. Time Magazine, in an apparent celebration of Mother’s Day, published the following issue on Friday: “Are You Mom Enough?” The title immediately infuriated me.  The challenging, smug look on her face, the nannie-nannie boo-boo (no […]

Unlabeled.

“Rachel, you’re getting too skinny!” “Um…what?” “Look at your arms!! You look anorexic!” Surely they weren’t talking to me, and clearly this wasn’t someone who knew me very well – that observation was seriously ridiculous. I’ve never been anything within ten miles of too skinny in my entire life. Had they not noticed my thighs? […]

Time Passes By. And I am Mad at it.

I should always listen to my husband. You know, the hair guy?  Yeah – the one who pleads with me to keep mine and Ali’s hair long at all costs. I really thought I knew what was best, so I talked him AND Ali into it. (Because you see, he’s brainwashed her as well, and […]