Why I Ended My Relationship With Downton Abbey.

It’s that time of year. The time when everyone starts asking me questions.

“Don’t tell me any spoilers, but is this season worth watching?”

“Where’s your chart for this year?”

“Please tell me no one’s going to die.”

It’s because I have had a known and public love affair with Downton Abbey. So much so that I’ve watched it before the US for the last couple of years by hacking into British television.

I’ve made this chart, and this one, oh – and this one.

Downton Abbey MBTI Personality TypesDownton Abbey RiskDownton-Abbey-Explained

 

 

 

 

 

(Click to go to their respective posts and see them big enough to actually read.)

I’ve entered into the life of the Crawley’s with the best of them, cheering and mourning and floating on a cloud of British Bliss for days after that one episode.

But no longer.

Downton and I are done. Perhaps we’re just on a break, but in my mind, we’re done – and I’m already cheating on them.

But more about that later.

Why, after such a committed relationship, did I feel the need to call it quits?

In a word, Foreboding.

The first two seasons, although they had their strife and frights, were delightful. The relationships weaving together of the servants and the household, the ups and downs in Mary and Matthew’s relationship, my complete adoration of Mr. Carson…

It was simply perfect. And the last episode of season two will always be a highlight in television history.

But in seasons three and four, the writers showed us that they didn’t mind killing and raping all of our favorite characters.

I know, one person demanded to leave the show and they had to kill him off. But the others weren’t necessaries. And they didn’t have to kill in such cliché and ridiculous ways.

(Really?! Closing his eyes while driving immediately after seeing his firstborn son? REALLY?! Why couldn’t he have gotten Scarlet Fever or something less predictable.)

Season three was pure awful. I suffered through season four, sitting on the edge of my seat to see what love they would tear away from me next. It was nearly bearable, and not at all pleasant – we even skipped a couple of episodes after The Thing With Anna. The innocence and magic of the show had been irreparably shattered.

Then Season Five started, and with it, more foreboding and dread.

They hinted that certain bad things would happen, and in general, I simply didn’t trust the show.

How could I? They had hurt me too many times.

And so, after only two episodes of Season Five (which we watched last fall), Chris and I agreed to call it off with Downton.

It wasn’t fun anymore. It was stressful – so stressful that even the Dowager Countess’ delightful quotes couldn’t take the edge off. Downton Abbey had become something that could only be watched while inhaling mass amounts of chocolate.

Because here’s the thing, oh Writers of the Show people want happy. People need happy.

We all have enough real life problems of our own that when we watch television, we need it to be more happy than not – or at least I do.

I totally censor my own blog to provide this essential need of humans. I don’t tell you about all the times my Dysautonomia gets miserable and I don’t feel like writing ever again and I’m just exhausted from the daily battle of everything I have to do to be able to function. I know you care about me and want to know what’s going on, but you don’t want to live in the mire with me or anyone else – you have your own mire to deal with.

So I’ve moved on.

After marathoning Veronica Mars this summer (and then watching the movie and then reading the book and dreaming about being Veronica Mars), I began satiating my drama needs with Once Upon a Time. It was a bit cheesy right at first, but once we got a few episodes in, the delightful and quite endless twists and surprises have gotten us fully addicted.

And I fell in love with Rumpelstiltskin. When else in life could I say that happened to me?

Rumplestilksken

Yes, it has tension and unresolved issues and drama, but it’s never overwhelming, it’s never dreary, and the hope of a happy ending is always bright and strong.

Yes, they say that traveling across realms is impossible then they DO IT EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, but the show is well worth the extra suspension of disbelief needed – even though I have an endless mental list of all of the continuity problems.

We’re currently in the second half of season three and still confounded at how very many surprises the show can throw at us. So perhaps my next round of graphics will be about Once Upon a Time – once we get completely caught up.

How about you? What shows are a part of your life right now? And have you broken up with Downton yet?

Gifts to Characters on Downton Abbey.

Warning: Spoilers Ahead.

So you’ve all now finished watching Season Four of Downton Abbey.

(Except those of you who are still letting it sit on your DVR, risking at every moment the finale being bumped off for one more episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I hope you’re duly nervous about this very real possibility.)

(And except for those of you who are still Downton Abbey holdouts, never having watched a single episode. More power to you.)

I finished hacking watching Downton Abbey with England a couple of days after Christmas, but I will admit that I skipped two, maybe three episodes of this season, and have yet to go back and watch them.

Because…can we all agree that the overarching feeling of foreboding makes the show less enjoyable? Now that we know they will kill main characters mercilessly (and, in Matthew’s case, in a ridiculously written manner,) we must live with the constant fear that they could kill again at any moment.

If I could fund a Kickstarter campaign to pay for the Dowager Countess to live forever, I’d donate twice a month.

So, although I usually wrap up the season with a uselessly explanatory graphic like this one,

Downton Abbey

or this one,

How to tell if you're at risk of dying unexpectedly in Downton Abbey.

or this one,

Downton Abbey MBTI Personality Types

I decided that this year I would try something new to help fix the issue of our forebodings. I am leaving a reverse Last Will and Testament, where I can pay it backwards to the characters on Downton Abbey. Because I believe that giving one item from the future to each character could solve all of their problems.

(Because it’s so Utopian in our here and now and all.)

Herein lies my bequeathing.

To Edith and Mr. Gregson, I would like to gift you jointly with the “Find My Friends” App. This will solve everything for you – except for when the satellite gets a little off-kilter and makes it look like your man is in the middle of the woods doing a drug deal or worse. But no worries – just refresh. You’ll find him where he’s supposed to be.

To Mary, I send you back an entire Titanic-full of sunblock. Because no, we’ve never seen you burn, but I cut holes in the couch with my fingernails every episode just knowing that it’s bound to happen soon – especially now that you’re into pig farming.

To Lord Robert Grantham, I give you my financial advisor. It’s okay not to have a head for finances, Bob. Can I call you Bob? As long as you have someone with which to have a quiet conversation. And to tell you that you’re INSANE to invest in the Railways. Instead, maybe read up on The Wright Brothers.

To Matthew, I bequeath air bags. You’re welcome.

To Thomas, I leave you World of Warcraft. Because you clearly need something all-encompassing in which you can relieve all of your competitive, strategic, conspiratorial tendencies. You’ll be a better person to have this outlet – I promise.

To Cora, I leave heart medicine. Not for you to take – for Pamuk. Because no Mom should have to help her daughter carry a full-grown dead man through a castle.

To Violet, the dearest Dowager Countess, I bequeath you nothing. Because you don’t need my help to carry out any plan, and we all know you wouldn’t use anything from that blasted future anyway.

To Branson, I bequeath the knowledge that socialism isn’t so great. So relax and enjoy the big house, dear sir. Oh – and don’t talk to the maids. It makes me nervous.

To Anna, I bequeath mace. Or a pink gun. Or perhaps a tazer. Or all three.

To Carson, I give you a wine decanter. Those dirty wash cloths you’ve been using make me gag a little every time.

To Mrs. Patmore, I bequeath Paxil. Soufflés are a lot easier not to ruin if you can calm the flip down.

To Mrs. Hughes, I bequeath a flight to The Caymans. You’ve spent eleven years counseling every member of that household – you deserve a vacation.

To Isobel, I bequeath a blog. You need somewhere to share your passionate positions with the world, and I can envision you pounding your keyboard with a ferocity that rivals Perez Hilton.

To Bates, you don’t need anything. You are a man that GETS. IT. DONE.


What would you send back in time for these characters?

Downton Abbey MBTI Chart.

There’s one for Star Wars, and one for Harry Potter.

But alas, no MBTI personality chart for Downton Abbey.

Not one to shy away from helping out in the need for Downton Abbey graphics, I felt it was my duty to step in and solve this problem. I pondered each character, researched the personality types, and sincerely hope that I correctly pegged the upstairs and the downtstairs.

And I’m glad I did, because seeing the types in Downton Abbey terms helped me realize that my last personality test result was wrong – there’s no way I’m a Carson – at least not anymore.

I’m totally a Mrs. Hughes. I think.

(And yes, I am hacking season four and watching with the British. And no, there are no spoilers in this chart.)

Here’s an explanation of the letters in the terms of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator:

First Letter: E or I – Extroversion/Introversion – Are you stimulated and refreshed by being with other people, or by being alone?

Second Letter: S or N – Sensing/Intuition – Do you use your five senses to interpret the world and prefer facts, or do you rely on your instincts and prefer hunches?

Third Letter: T or F – Thinking/Feeling – Do you lean towards using logic and objective criteria, or values and subjective ideas?

Fourth Letter: J or P – Judging/Perceiving – Are you purposeful, liking structure, plans, rules, and organization, or are you laid-back and flexible, open to change, and explorative?

Everybody ready? Here’s the chart:

Downton Abbey MBTI Personality

So. Which character are you? Please report in the comments.


Click on the following pictures to visit my other Downton Abbey Graphics:

How to tell if you're at risk of dying unexpectedly in Downton Abbey.Downton Abbey

Find my Big Bang Theory MBTI Chart Here:

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