What’s that Sound, Volume Six: The Questioning Edition.

Noah has solidly entered the 437 Questions a Day phase. It’s high time that I get Chris’ lap counter out for a day of objectively counting them as I did for his sister. I suspect he’ll break her record by lunchtime.

He sees questioning me as something akin to an eternal game Keep Off the Ground.

The rules are as follows:

1. Questions must start upon waking and end upon falling asleep.

2. Questions must continue in a steady stream with zero pauses or you immediately lose the game.

3. If Mommy doesn’t answer the question within two seconds, another question has to be posed or you lose the game.

Game Strategy Tips:

1. When running out of questions, choose new ones based on your line of sight, such as “Why do we call these ‘floorboards’?”

2. Obvious questions are never bad questions. For instance, “Why do we call that house with the water wheel the waterwheel house?”.

3. When obvious questions are followed up with a question by the parent such as “Why do you think?”, you can immediately volley it back to them with “I don’t know why do you think?” to keep the game going.

These are just what I’ve gleaned, but Noah is a savant and could write the Expert’s Edition of the Strategy Tips.

Sometimes, his questions can also get a bit..personal. While out to dinner with someone not long ago, she got pounded with:

“Why are your teeth so brown?”

“Because when you get older, that happens.”

“Wow. How old ARE you?”

If you follow up an insulting question by making it even more insulting, it’s definitely double points.

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Here are some of the questions I’ve got asked recently…


“Mommy, why do you NEED kids?”

“uh. What? Don’t you want me to need you?”

“I want to be Gramamma’s kid.”

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“Hey Momma!!”

“What?”

<silence, as he realized he didn’t have a question prepared>

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

“You said Hey Momma!”

“No, I said Hey Zomma.”

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“Can we call Batman?”

“I don’t know his number.”

“That’s because he can’t have a phone unless the fairies make him one.”

“Well then we can’t call him, I guess.”

“When the fairies make his phone we can call him then.”

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“Hey mommy when I’m a grownup can you come get me and drive me to The McWane Center? Because I think the backseat is the best seat.”

“Can we go to the outlet mall? I want to go to the outlet mall to buy puppets that aren’t in a box but have tags on them.”

…Clearly, he has diva tendencies.

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“Mommy when are we going to sail up the river in a canoe? Because I really want to go to Iceland.”

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Pointing to cemetery…

“When will I be dead? Because I wanna go there. And run around.”

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“When can we buy daddy a taco?”

“Why?”

“I want to see one.”

“Let’s all go get tacos tonight!”

“No way! I am not old enough for tacos.”

“You’re totally old enough.”

“I am not old enough for lettuce.”

“Why?”

“Because Giann [the babysitter] told me all about it.”

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And now for a blessed break from the questions, here are some other recent quotes…


Noah’s Sunday School Report, first take: “Two of the cars were wrecked today – we didn’t know if people were within them or not.”

“Wait – what? There was a wreck outside your classroom?”

Take two: “NO, Mom. Two of the cars in Sunday School were WET today. We didn’t know if people were LICKIN’ them or not.”

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“I had a very bad dream.”

“Oh no! What was it about?”

“There were some Tiki Trees being mean.”

“What did the Tiki Trees do??”

“I don’t remember.”

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From the back seat, Noah explained to me the facts of life.

“I might get a baby in my tummy. I probably won’t eat it. I’ll just grow it and stuff.”

I’ve never been less comforted by a probably in my life.

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After getting back from a run {with Noah in the jogging stroller}, he made me wait while he stretched.

“OOooOhh! That sure was a long run, Mom.”

All that riding must’ve been hard on his joints.

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Heard from the backseat: “If I was made of chocolate, Ali, I’d just be…lickin’ myself.”

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“Thank you for rubbin’ me with your toe, Mommy.”

…If I hadn’t already figured out his Love Language was Physical Touch…

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What happens when your husband smokes pork….your toddler incessantly begs, “I need a bath because I smell like meat!!”

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“I’m gonna have to get a new mother!”

“Why?”

“Because you’re old!”

“Who are you going to get?”

“Gramamma!!”

Clearly I didn’t inherit my Mother’s youthful glow.

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After telling Noah no, he suggested thoughtfully, “You could pretend to be a babysitter – THEN we could do it…”

I need less agreeable babysitters.

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“Hey Look! That traffic cone is SMILING at me!!”

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“Smile, Mommy!”

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“Nope – I need to take another one. Smile for REAL this time.”


And, one bonus quote from Ali: “There are way too many restaurants that you don’t believe in, Mom. Waffle House, McDonalds, Burger King. Daddy believes in ALL of the restaurants!”

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Comments

  1. I LOVE kid quotes. But Noah’s seem better than the rest.

  2. I can’t make myself count the number of questions any of mine ask in a day. I don’t want to know. I CANNOT KNOW.

  3. These are so funny! And the cheeky pictures just enhance the experience.

  4. Man oh man! I needed this laugh to buoy me through this evening’s crazy schedule!

  5. Oh we are totally in the question phase right now. Doubly so because apparently S is a late questioner and A is early. So between the two of them it is NON STOP! I actually just said (in the car a few min. ago) “No more questions!” of course immediately followed by, “Why??” Argh!

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