A Public Smock Announcement.

(With many thanks to DirecTV, for their magnificent and inspirational commercials, and my Mother, who allowed me to borrow a few choice articles of clothing.)

If you dress your son in smock for Easter,

IMG_3266

He may feel dejected, embarrassed, and angry.

Smock On Boys

If he feels dejected, embarrassed and angry, he will get in a fight on the playground at Church on Easter Sunday.

If he gets in a fight on the playground at Church on Easter Sunday, he will get labeled as The Bad Kid.

If he gets labeled as The Bad Kid, he will feel the need to live up to his reputation.

If he feels the need to live up to his reputation, he will spend many years becoming adept at the craft of fighting.

If he becomes adept at the craft of fighting, a girl with a stud in her tongue and an eyelid tattoo will convince him to try out for professional wrestling.

If a studded-tongued eyelid-tattooed girl convinces him to try out for professional wrestling, he will begin to answer to the name Uncle Meathead, The Alchemist Of Bloody Disco Death.

If he begins to answer to the name Uncle Meathead, The Alchemist of Bloody Disco Death, he will garner the attention of Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen.

If he garners the attention of Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen, he will tie the knot with Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen.

If he ties the knot with Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen,  you will end up with a grandson with a dog collar.

Grandson With a Dog Collar

Don’t end up with a Grandson with a Dog Collar.

Male Smock

 

Instead, perhaps try full-leather Lederhosen.

IMG_3321

Then again, the results could be just as poor.

IMG_3311
This public service message is brought to you by The Council on the Eradication of Male Smock.  And full-leather Lederhosen.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. Oh. My. I’m dying here! I never knew make smock existed until I moved to Texas. I admit, I like some of it, on girls. Not on boys. But the lederhosen…… JK ;)

    • Isn’t it awesome?? It took me a good two minutes of shoving and jumping him up and down to squeeze his butt into those suede shorts. And they were NOT moving once I got them on him. Poor kid – he tried to sit down and his legs wouldn’t bend – he just fell over backwards!!

      Suede and leather are not the most baby-friendly fabric choices…

  2. Even though I like smocked clothing this is funny. I dressed my son in smocked until about 2, but it was obviously boy. Dinosaurs, tools, dogs. I smocked and sewed them all myself. It’s not for everyone though and this is funny.

    • I made sure and put it in my “this is tongue in cheek” category — all in fun, and not serious! Glad you enjoyed it despite your Smocking background. ;)

  3. You knew you had me at the title :) I am not a huge fan of smock on boys, but especially once they start walking. Now, the other is just plain wrong. I now have the desire to read, “If you give a pig a pancake.”

    • Yes, I knew you’d be a fan of this one for sure!!

      …but you think Lederhosen are a bad choice for Sunday?

      Too bad, because they’re stuck on him. I don’t think I can get him loose from those pants until at least Monday.

  4. I am dying over here! One, wondering if your mom laughs as hard as we do at your wonderful ability to make fun (in a delightful way) at the the things from your childhood! Two, we ALL have things in our history that make us cringe and say to our parents “what were you thinking?” so I quickly think through the lives of my two teens and wonder what they will pick out and be laughing about in 10 or 20 years from now? And then three, Noah’s facial expressions are hilarious…but more funny is how much he looks like your dad!!!! And that my friend, makes me laugh even harder!

    • I’ll let Mom answer as to whether she finds all of my fun-making amusing or not. But she does a good job of pretending if she doesn’t!

      I think Giann should go ahead and start blogging her most humiliating moments. It would make a great series?

      And I love that you waited for a post where Noah was unhappy in every picture to say he looks like my Dad. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

      • Yes, I find them funny too. I think it is fun to look back and be able to laugh together (in a positive way) about our past experiences. And btw, what a great mom I am to have provided her with all this blogging fodder :)

  5. That last picture of Noah is GREAT! Great post! You are so funny!

  6. Ok, this is a great example of what I was talking about yesterday! I may cannot get on board with a long skirt but I do love a good smocking ;) I’ll even risk a dog-collared grandson just to get the adorable smocked baby pics!

  7. I was so wishing you had pictures for each one! Benjamin thanks you for educating me on how not to dress him although my dad has lederhosen from when they lived in Germany (my grandpa was in the Army) that I was put in for dress up pictures so I’m sure we will eventually have Benjamin wear at least long enough for a picture. Now, off to find If You Give a Mouse a Cookie!

    • If I had the time and the props, I would have filled in a pic for each one. Mom really wanted me to put some fake tattoos on Noah and go to town, but applying tattoos to a baby during the week of Easter and hoping you can get them off before Easter Sunday seems like a very foolhardy plan…

  8. Oh my word…the things Noah has to endure for Mama’s blog….too funny. Rachel, I have a question for you, what are you watching or reading that you come up with these ideas? Are you secretly watching WWF or Ink?

    • Actually, it was my Mom that suggested that I somehow fit wrestling into the post. So perhaps she’s secretly watching Smackdown??

  9. Are there any photos in existence of any children from your generation being tortured by those garments? If so I’d love to see them! Great post. :-)

  10. so funny!

  11. Kitty Engle says:

    I think he really looks good in the smock overalls. But I like smocking. I think I may have to call DHR or whoever due to your torturing this child who I have never seen cry. He looks so sad and pitiful in the pictures. I too would like to see your pictures from childhood in some of the clothes.

    • I’ll have to pull some out and scan them. I have some of JC in the brown smock and lederhosen, too, but I’m not sure if he wants them posted!

  12. WHERE on earth did your mother find those outfits?! his expressions are the best. i especially love the commercial that ends “don’t end up in a roadside ditch.” my husband and i use that line all the time.

    • I’m pretty sure she probably made the smocked one, and the Lederhosen must have been a gift from someone in Germany. At least those are my best guesses!!

      I like the Roadside ditch one as well, but the baby with a dog collar is my all-time favorite.

      • okay, so i just read all the smock posts. this one is the best b/c of noah’s grimaced expressions. priceless. but i am still confused as to what exactly determines a smock. is it the embroidered collar? or the fluffy bottom with the extra fabric? b/c now i’m really curious, and still somewhat clueless. i guess it’s a northerner thing. but if you could enlighten me with a definition of smock, that’d be great. :)

Leave a Reply to Amy Nabors Cancel reply

*