Recipe For the World’s Most Bizarre Weekend.

Start with a Three Week Old Baby:

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Who, despite his preciousness, does not sleep good on Friday night,

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therefore also adding in one Very-Sleep-Deprived-Three-Weeks-Post-Partum-Mommy.

On Saturday morning, stir in a Four Year Old’s Birthday, starting and ending with complete sugar overload:

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(Sugar Overload shown in recipe provided by Krispy Kreme and my amazingly talented friend April’s fantastic cake baking skills.)

Then add in a Fully-Energetic Gymnastics Birthday party with 14 Kids, from ages 1 to 6:

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After Birthday Party ends (including a rather toxic and epically long diaper change by Daddy of aforesaid three-week-old on the kitchen counter, on a paper plate, and running out of wet wipes),

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Start adding slowly to the above mixture an extreme toothache for Mommy-With-No-Sleep.

Immediately add Percocet-Left-Over-From-C-Section, bringing back visions of fuzzy rabbits.

Attempt to add a nap for Mommy-With-No-Sleep-And-A-Toothache during Birthday Girl’s Sugar-Coma-Nap, but nap may or may not take, due to toothache and fuzzy rabbits.

That same evening after all naps and attempted naps are over, Add in a Family Christmas Gathering at Mommy-With-No-Sleep-And-Terrible-Toothache’s house.

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DO NOT TRY TO EAT THE CHRISTMAS PIZZA WITH TOOTHACHE.

Allow Newly-Turned-Four-Year-Old to run the show in the absence of Sound Mind within Mommy-With-No-Sleep-And-A-Terrible-Toothache-Especially-Now-From-Trying-To-Eat-The-Christmas-Pizza.

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Allow recipe to set overnight.  During the night, you will discover that the toothache pain is so constant and intense (and not always helped by C-Section Percocet) that it absolutely MUST be an abscessed tooth.  Pain MAY keep you up during the hours that Three-Week-Old doesn’t.

Take note that a Great Snow Storm is predicted the next day, so if you want to get said abscess treated before the world shuts down (because that’s what happens in Alabama when the white stuff falls), then you better hurry and figure out where you can go to the Dentist on a Sunday.

After setting all night, drag entire family out Sunday morning in the attempt to go to the Emergency Dental Clinic before the snow arrives.  Allow family to go to the mall while you wait for your most-anticipated-dental-work-ever – drill pain is MUCH preferred.

(Keep in mind that Emergency Dental Clinics can attract a rather…interesting crowd.  Do not be alarmed if a sleazeball weirdo stares at you the whole time, despite your rapidly swelling face.)

(Or maybe BECAUSE of your rapidly swelling face.)

After waiting endlessly at Dental office, the recipe will take a turn for the worst: they will tell you that you actually have a failing root canal, and need to be referred to an Endodontist.

Of course, there are no Endodontists that work on Sundays. Or in Snowstorms.  So add in antibiotics and more pain medicine, and prepare for a Winter Storm of Continuing and Constant Pain.

Within 36 hours, your face will swell from this:

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To this horrific sight:

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AND it may continue to swell at such a rapid pace that you begin to get concerned with adding facial stretch marks to your already impressive stretch-mark-collection.

After a few tears of disappointment at the lack of drillage happening in your mouth, return home and try to have a wonderful family moment of finally giving the Birthday Girl her present from Mommy and Daddy.

Which, in keeping with tradition, she will be totally underwhelmed with.

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But, after an hour or so of pondering it, will finally, but very trepidatiously, at least sit upon said present:

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Then, add the beginnings of the much hyped Epic Snowstorm:

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Allow to set overnight.

On Monday Morning, check the process of Epic Snowstorm to find out that, although it looks like snow, it is really ice.

Meaning, of course, that the world will MOST CERTAINLY be completely shut down, allowing your face to swell past it’s natural limits and making you look like you should be on one of TLC’s freak shows.

Lay on the couch all day in a daze of Percocet, allowing Not-Able-To-Go-To-Work Daddy to take Newly-Four-Year-Old out to play in the ice:

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And, although it’s nearly impossible to make a snow ice angel, she will at least be able to try out her new camera (for her future blog),

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Make “Frosty the Ice Woman”,

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And eat disgustingly dirty icicles off of her extraordinarily dirty trampoline, which will thrill her soul so much that it will make the possible risk of contamination completely worth it.

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After all ingredients are mixed in, sit back and revel in the wonderful parts of the weekend (birthdays, Christmas, and snow ice), watch the National Championship Football Game, and pray that the roads will be clear by mornin and that all of the Endodontists in town won’t be so behind from Ice Storm Make-Up appointments that SOMEONE will be able to drill into your head before your face completely explodes from the pressure.

…and hope for an as-boring-as-Cream-Of-Wheat-with-no-butter-or-salt kind of week.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. Oh my word. What a weekend! I really hope that you are feeling better soon! I’ve never had to have a root canal (insert sound of knocking on wood here!) and I hope you get better soon.

    And we got nothing but a little ice here. What a disappointment!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Sounds like a crazy weekend for you. That looks so incredibly painful – tooth pain is the worst. I really hope you can get somewhere tomorrow morning!!! Sorry Rach!

  3. Brookwood Endodontics is always able to work me in when I have had trouble with my teeth — Dr. Stephen Thomas 870-9441. They are very kind and do good work. (2 root canals for me – ugh).

  4. Wow Rachel, I’m so sorry about your mouth! It made for a good blog post though. Does that help any? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Good luck tomorrow!

  5. I had no idea that root canals can fail! I live in constant fear that I will have to have another, since I rank the one I had this year and the subsequent crown as one of the worst medical procedures I’ve endured (and there have been quite a few). I can now add the fear of my root canal failing to my list of irrational fears.

    I hope you and your endodontist can get out tomorrow. We here in North AL will be spending another day at home, since none of our 8 inches of snow melted today. :(

  6. Kitty Engle says:

    I know it was very hard on you, but please know that Uncle Leo had the best Christmas of his life. He is telling everyone about it and still bragging. Great pic of them. I also appreciate all you did this weekend.

  7. Oh my gracious! Rach, I’m so, so, sorry!! I wish that there was something we could do for you. What horrid timing. We’ll be praying that the pain will subside and that the swelling will rapidly go away. I hope you can get to an endodontist very soon.

  8. Oh Rachel… So sorry! Here’s hoping you can get some rest and relief FAST!

  9. Oh my goodness, you deserve the Mommy of the Year award! I can’t believe you did all that WITH tooth pain! Seriously! That is a crazy weekend!

    Looks like you managed to create a wonderful time for everyone admist your pain. I am shuddering at the thought. :{ I hate anything and everything to do with dental work.

    Ali’s hair is so long and pretty! I love the sweater dress she is wearing in the bike pictures. And Noah is pretty handsome himself. What cute kiddos you have!

  10. 1. So so so sorry about your tooth. I wish I could help with something. I will pray tonight you will be able to get some relief tomorrow. Can your mom come and help with the baby and Ali?

    2. Noah looks so much like Ali. Just precious.

    3. I still have his present on my dresser. I am terrible.

    4. What in the world are you doing having a birthday party when you have a three week old???? You are amazing!

  11. God Bless you…I felt your pain (been there done that). You were a trooper, I’ll give ya that. Hope you can get this tended to once and for all, but I have to say with all the pain you had, you were able to pull off a post to share. Your a better woman than me.

    Feel better soon.

  12. I’m so sorry you hurt. Someone will fix you up soon, I hope. You’re one tough cookie to last this long. Your babes are so cute. Hang in there and feel better.

  13. Wow! Somebody really needs to cut you a break. :) Best wishes for a quick recovery!

  14. 1. Newly-Four-Year-Olds are surprisingly adept at running things.

    2. What is it about being pregnant ruining your teeth?! Hands down the WORST part of pregnancy.

    3. Feel better soon! It’s sad that you have to wish for drilling in your mouth for that to happen.

  15. Ahhh, bless your heart, I hope you’re able to get that tooth taken care of really soon! Sounds like you’re a trooper!

  16. Oh bless you. I hope you get some relief from this pain ASAP.

  17. So sorry about your tooth, couldn’t have picked a worse weekend for it to happen! Hope you were able to get it fixed today!
    Luke & Aubrey had a blast at Ali’s party & the cake was beautiful & delicious :)

  18. OH MY. What a mommy! That pain must be (and have been) terrible. The thought of doing all those family activities while be exhausted and in pain makes me want to a percocet. :) My babies have done many things to my body and my teeth have paid the price as well. Hope you find relief soon and Mr. Noah gives you a good night’s sleep!

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