Mile High Shopping.

I never take a magazine onto a plane with me because I’m always completely fascinated by the Sky Mall catalog. So this last flight, I obeyed the instructions at the top and took it. So they could joyfully replace it.

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The first thing I always think when I look at catalogs like this is, “What must be the target demographic of the market they’re trying to reach?”

(Because as it has already been established, I’m a geek like that.)

And, by the products inside, I can usually sketch up a general idea…

First of all, the Sky Mall Target Audience (SMTA) are people who apparently like to feel really, really small.

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…their desire to feel really, really small is so intense that they’re willing to pay $150 for a fold-up camping chair that makes their feet (still in Italian Loafers for some reason) dangle uncomfortably off the ground.

The SMTA also have broken arms, or are planning on having one soon:

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(Which, by the way, this product is a total rip-off, because if you ever need a cast, your doctor will give you a cast cover for it – believe me, I have a whole collection.)

But the biggest interest of SMTA is most definitely their pets.

Especially the method in which pets use the facilities.

Besides the bizarre array of kitty litter choices (which we’ll get to later), there were doggy litter options.

Yes, optionS.

Not just one,

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Not just two,

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But THREE options for indoor doggy relief.

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I personally prefer the helpfulness of the third option, what with the fire hydrant and all, but nothing beats the name of the first one.

Really?

Pup Head?

As if your dog is going to tell his doggy friends in his macho-bar-voice about his wussy indoor peeing situation, “I’ve gotta go hit tha head.”

But the cat choices…oh the choices.

Apparently the main concern is to hide, as best as possible, the kitty litter box.

You can hide it inside a “Handsome piece of [bathroom] furniture”…

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Or a beautiful planter that you can turn around when company comes so they don’t have to know it’s a litter box (they’ll only wonder why your plant smells like cat crap), which might also have the undesired effect of making your cat pee on THEM in anger of having their litter box hidden due to the presence of strangers…

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Or, if you have a more futuristic decorating style, you can always disguise your litter box as a UFO landing pod.
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But, if you’ve tried all the hiding solutions and still aren’t happy with the litter situation, then you will most definitely be interested in THIS kit:

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I’ve never seen a happier cat sitting on a fake potty in all my life.

Apparently, though, the SMTA also wants to hide any and all pet accessories. So why not double your Dog Crate as a stylish end table??

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After shopping in the Sky Mall catalog, virtually every piece of furniture in your home can also be used by your animals!

And you can even disguise your pet grooming kit as a….vacuum.

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Or is that just a re-branded vacuum?

But moving on from pets, the Sky Mall catalog had the only allergy “device” that gave me chills worse than the original Neti Pot does every single time I think about it:

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$100 for a sinus torture device. Yummy.

Also in the medical device category, “You MIGHT be a hypochondriac IF…

IMG_0449…you’re willing to pay over $100 for a special camera wand to take pictures of your owies to send to your doctor.”

But for the not-so-paranoid SMTA, they can provide the ability to let their kids pretend they’re Ariel…with, I’m sure, only a 50% drowning rate by having their feet bound together while swimming in the ocean.

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And, of course, the decor items.

The “real” looking rocks…

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I think someone MIGHT catch on that the 4-foot-tall sheer cliff of a rock MIGHT not be real…

But they’d never guess that your “Lifelike Bashful Yeti” was just a sculpture.

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And to add to your ceramic yard zoo are the MeerKats…
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I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me that you can buy the “Out of Hole” MeerKat, the “Into Hole” MeerKat, or, of course, the complete set.

Because who would want to JUST buy the butt of a MeerKat sticking up?? Seriously??

And finally, one piece of classy indoor decor: Dishwasher art.

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…because when van Gogh painted “Starry Starry Night”, his deepest hopes and dreams were that it would one day end up as vinyl dishwasher art.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. On her mary way says:

    I am also quite curious about and amazed by 'Sky Mall'. Do people really buy this stuff?

  2. what, no self cleaning litterbox pet fountain heated bed combo?

  3. blueviolet says:

    Those are absolutely absurd!

  4. This Is The Day says:

    Okay so I literally laughed out loud three different times. You crack me up! Yes, these items are hilarious, but it's the comments you have for them that make me laugh. SO funny!

  5. You are so, so funny and I miss coming here more often. I will do my best to visit as the summer passes and we head into the school year. :)

    I have often looked at that "Sky Mall" magazine and been shocked at the contents.

    Hope you are feeling well… :)

    Carol

  6. Leigh of Bloggeritaville says:

    YOU.CRACK.ME.UP.

    as does the skymall cataglog. Id love to know how many people order from it and who they are.

  7. Mrs. Jennifer says:

    Don't ya just love Sky Mall?
    I may get one of those chairs, though. Since I've never felt small. Might be nice to see what others feel like.

  8. These are hilarious! My dear hubby engrossed himself in Sky Mall also on our get away. I do remember looking at the mermaid things thinking the exact same thing! How can those not cause my child to drown?!

  9. Sarah Maughan says:

    I haven't laughed this hard in quite awhile!
    My guess for the large chair is that it was supposed to be a specialty chair for somewhere like the Big and Tall store…but it turns out there aren't THAT many giants shopping.

    …I'm embarrassed to say, we own the cat toilet trainer. I swear my husband bought it before we got married. There was always kitty litter around the toilet in his apartment (because you have to use litter on it at first). Yuck. It's in a box now and the cat never did learn (God rest it's smutty soul).

  10. I love your comments! You give all new insight into flipping through Sky Mall.

    Oh, and a little side note, my dad did train a cat to use the toilet. Just thought you'd like to know…

  11. I was perusing that exact same Skymall this week! Yes, it's amazing.

  12. That magazine is crazy…my favorite is the $150 lawn chair that makes you look like you're 2 feet tall.
    The prices are outrageous!

  13. Stephanie says:

    I thought about toilet training my car, but she's afraid of height and she has the wonky eye that throws off her balance (image watching your catch attempt to jump up on an art table and smack her head on the underside instead)…I'm kinda afraid the poor thing might drown…

  14. HOW have I lived my life… nearly forty years… without Meerkats within and without the hole? HOW?!

    You are so funny :)

  15. BeccaMKennedy says:

    Rachel. This blog has brought me a lot of entertainment tonight. Makes me miss lifegroup.

  16. Mary @ Parenthood says:

    My husband is wondering what on earth is so funny and I nearly woke Elizabeth up from her nap from laughing. Picturing Stephanie's car trying to leap onto the commode nearly finished me off. Hysterically funny stuff.

    I do think the world would be a better place if cats and dogs used human toilets. I am really disgusted by all the peeing on my lawn; it wouldn't be acceptable for my neighbour to pee there, so why oh why is it okay for their dogs to do so several times a day? The urine concentration is so high that very few plants survive. And I just spent a hundred dollars to carpet Elizabeth's playhouse with welcome mats because the open dirt floor was an invitation for all the neighbourhood cats to do their business. Yuck!

  17. Nick @ Cupboards says:

    SkyMiles Mag introduced me to Hammacher Schlemmer years ago- agree tho, strange stuff in there!

  18. i heart skymall! bashful yeti, awesome.

  19. I love Sky Mall. They can always entertain me for hours. It always boggles my mind the items and high prices for such odd products.

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