Stung by The Birds and The Bees.

My good friend Lydia (of Mom Jeans and the Dreaded “Long Butt” fame) had her fourth baby Tuesday night (obviously she is braver than I). A few of us split up the rest of their kids, and I got the lucky draw of Radford, baby #3:IMG_5058

I really think he may be the cutest 16 month old in the world.

So, for two and a half days, I practiced what it would be like to have TWO kids. And you know, it’s really not so bad. I could totally handle it – if only I could pop out a 16-month-old instead of a needy, not-sleeping, screaming newborn.

Radford loves everyone and thinks that everyone loves him. Which is a correct assumption on all but one creature’s case:

(Don’t worry…no toddlers were put in harm’s way by the making of that video…Oreo is all hiss and no scratch.)

Now, being that Ali isn’t accustomed to living with a BOY, except for her Father, who is the epitome of couth and manners at all times <cough>, she’s been learning all about the male species…like what it REALLY means to not just burp, but to BELCH.

Wow, that kid is talented.

And no wonder – he eats like a MAN. He ate five Banana Nut muffins for breakfast on Thursday, and was begging for a sixth, signing “more” and “please” as fast as he could.

IMG_5133
….which led to quite the crumbly toddler: IMG_5129

But when I cleaned up his mess, I realized that maybe he didn’t eat QUITE five muffins after all:
IMG_5137

Radford also taught Ali how men sit…IMG_5068

(All he needs is the remote control)

And he how to be sure and make a big production of filling one’s diaper:IMG_5043

But I’m afraid that the MOST memorable thing that she learned from Radford was the difference between boys and girls.

Poor thing…I think she may be scarred for life.

It all started Thursday morning..Radford woke up sopping wet, so I peeled his pajamas off, wiped him off the best that I could, put a new diaper on him, and stuck him in the crib with Ali while I ran him a bath.

I came back in less than two minutes later to find him completely naked, with his already-wet-again diaper laying in the bed.

(At least he left it on long enough to pee in it.)

(Either that, or he took it off and then aimed at it.)

Ali was staying as far away from him as she could, backed up into the corner of the crib, but staring at him with a look of confusion and complete disturbedness.

She didn’t say anything about it then, but I could tell she was troubled by his nether region weirdness.

A bit later, I was changing his diaper, and Ali said, “Ew! Mommy! He POOPED in his diaper!!”, all while staring at his, well, parts.

“That’s not poop, honey.”

“Well then what DID he do in his diaper?!”

Trying to avoid this inevitable conversation, I said, “Well, he tee-teed in his diaper…”

(she keeps staring, wide-eyed)

So I finally said, “That’s his parts, baby.”

“No it’s not, it’s his tee-tee!”

“Nope, it’s his parts.”

Confused, she said, “I have parts…”

“I know, but his parts are different that yours because he’s a boy.”

“ooooh…..”

….then she walked away, her face completely reading “I just lost all of my innocence about life.”

I’m afraid she’ll never be able to look at Radford the same again.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. I know I probably shouldn't have laughed at that story but I did, I was picturing poor Ali over in the crib corner scared. Poor you I am sure that is not a conversation you wanted to have with a 2 year old.

  2. Okay, first of all, he is adorable. Those eyes and kissable cheeks. Be still my heart.

    And poor Ali. At least you have it over with. I just keep avoiding the issue. James just thinks Abbie's wee-wee broke off. That's his own explanation and I'm going with it. I know, I won't get the mom of the year award on that one.

  3. Wade's World says:

    How funny! Just think, she'll never be able to get that innocence back again!

  4. Poor little Ali. It's a non-issue around here. That's just one of the benefits of having 2 or more kids close together. :-)

    And, no, Radford could not have taken off the diaper and then aimed at it. No young male can aim that well, in my experience.

  5. lol Nether region weirdness. Hysterical.

    This post was so funny!

  6. Poor Ali! It is hard when you have to face the truth head on like that. She'll never be the same again. I love the image of her backed into the corner. I appreciate that laughing at her horror is a bit callous on my part, but I'm just being honest!

  7. Her and Eli are both staying with Gramamma tonight, so she might have Lesson #2 beginning shortly :).

  8. One less fact to go over later! Alex still doesn't know about those differences, but she has seen me give birth…. kinda backwards, huh?

  9. Okay, once again…you are so funny. And, I have to agree with you. If they popped out 16 months old and not that non-sleeping, screaming new-born variety, I would probably have about 4 myself!! Great post and congratulations to Lydia. More power to her, and Chuck!

  10. Pooped in his diaper. Hahaha. Love Ali! This was a great post as expected. It was worth the wait. Radford is adorable.

  11. Avery Tales says:

    I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!! Poor little Ali! Radford has to be one of the cutest little toddlers I've seen in a while!!

  12. Poor Ali!!! Innocence gone so young! Haha!!

  13. I could totally stare at his sweet face all day. Swoon. Poor Ali, you will never be the same!

  14. This Is The Day says:

    I'm not looking forward to that explanation, and since we are having another girl, maybe I can put it off for a while. :)

    Where did you get Ali's pink chair? I have been looking for one like that for K's new "big girl room". She has a cowboy rocking chair that size and adores it, but it definitely will not fit the decor in the new room. :)

  15. That was even funnier to read! Seriously, I had tears running down my face!

  16. That's too funny! Amelia said the same thing about Will's.

  17. blueviolet says:

    That was hilarious! He was oblivious that your cat was not hip to the love. omg, that kid is a clown.

    Poor Ali. What else can I say? And it's not like the thing grows up and gets better looking…

  18. Poor Ali…but it sure did make for a funny post!

  19. When I babysat for LL's kids, they asked me why I couldn't have a baby the same age as their baby. I told them because I wasn't married.

    It was funny!

  20. Susan (5 Minutes For Mom) says:

    So funny! Thanks for linking to this on my Facebook profile. It made me smile.

  21. Kitty Engle says:

    That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. The poor little girl will never be the same i am sure. He is great looking.

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