A Shredded Diary.

So I have been doing The “30” Day Shred workout video along with the rest of the Bloggy World, and, in the interest of full disclosure and accurate blogging, I kept a diary of my workout experience to be able to properly review the DVD of Doom product.

Without further ado, here is my Shredded Journal:

8/27 – Day One

Video not as hard as expected. Can do anything for 20 minutes, right? Very fond of how fast it moves. Except for the push-ups – ha! As if I’ve EVER done a push-up.

Noticed later that night that my legs didn’t really care for traveling down stairs unless done in an octogenarian fashion.

8/28 – Day Two

Oh my goodness the pain. Unable to walk. Stairs are suicide. Have to use handrails like walkers with tennis balls on the bottom. Did Day Two anyway – actually felt better while exercising than at any other point during the day.

Ali highly enjoys shredding with me. Somehow her two year old muscles are exempt from the pain. Total Fairness Fail.

Sent Jillian detailed and deliberate hate mail for ruining my previously pain free life.

8/29 – Day Three

Excruciating pain in every muscle – seriously cannot believe that every cell in my body aches.

Shredded again anyway, knowing that I’d be in a wheelchair for it the next day.

Chris really wanted to go to the waterpark one last time before the summer was over. I, being the loving wife that I am, agreed. Waterpark not much fun when you cannot move without JILLIAN MICHAELS knifing you up one side and down the other.

Chris also totally didn’t understand or believe the level of pain I was in. After bragging that his 5 mile run beforehand would “even things out”, Chris joined me in my effort to Shred.

Said husband lasted about five minutes, with many breaks interspersed.

I created a Jillian Voodoo Doll and tortured it mercilessly by ripping it’s arms and legs off. Definitely didn’t help my arms and legs feel any better, but my sense of justice was relieved.

8/30 – Day Four

Oddly woke up less sore than I went to bed. First day I didn’t really WANT to do it, but I did it anyway. Holy Hand Grenade!! it’s sooooo painful. It feels like Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom sounded when they were frying that guy alive.

At the end of the day, Chris sheepishly admitted that he had been in quite a bit of pain from his five minute sample Shred the day before. In fact, going up and down the stairs had about killed him. Ha! Vindication.

8/31 – Day Five

Chris’ Legs still hurt. Mine don’t. Heh heh heh.

9/1 – Day Six

I hurt so little that I almost forgot to do the Shred. But I remembered. And it wasn’t bad. Maybe time to increase to level two?

On second thought, it’s probably like The Death Machine in The Princess Bride. Jillian will shave TWO years off of my life for each day on Level Two. Nah, will wait until after vacation.

9/2 & 9/3 – Days Seven and Eight
Seriously starting to get the hang of it. Really loving the short segments of each exercise, and the 20 minute total. Very manageable. I could do this for the rest of my life!

Okay, maybe not.

9/4 – Day Nine
Leaving at Lunchtime for Atlanta Superdate with Chris. Should I shred before I go? Okay, I will so that I can go with no guilt whatsoever. Felt good.

9/5 – First Break!!
Walked at least 567 miles around Atlanta. Thanked Jillian multitudinous times for getting me in shape in preparation for all the walking.

Also noticed for the first time that my abs were actually starting to show some definition. Could exercise actually be WORKING?!?! That’s never happened before….

9/6 – Day Ten
Shredded right after getting home from Atlanta. Felt good, ready to get back to it.

9/7 – Day Eleven

Got cocky. Moved to Level 2.

WOW.

Seriously, Jillian, God never intended for exercise to be carried out while down in push-up position. Insanity.

9/8 – Day Twelve
Shoulders achy. Never held myself up on my arms in my life. Doing it for half of an exercise video? Brutality. Sheer Brutality.

Ali, however, seems to enjoy it more than she enjoyed level one. Already an expert in “Plank Jacks” (Jumping Jacks in the push-up position.) Nice.

9/9-9/11 – Days Thirteen-Fifteen
Ali continues to hone her skills while I continue to try and survive level two and deny the existence of a level 3. At least I understand all of the exercises now, and can manage to make it through MOST of them.

Dinner at my parents. Ali proceeds to call all exercises by name and “school” Gramamma in how to do them.

“This is a Plank Jack. You get down like this….NO GRAMAMMA, not yet. You do this, then this. NOW you can do it.”

“This is a walk-down Push-up, Gramamma. Can you do it?”

Apparently, Grammama can NOT, in fact, do a walk-down push-up. But she did give Ali her own pair of weights so that she could further humiliate me with her toddler exercise skillz.

9/12-9/15 – Days Sixteen-Nineteen
Manage to muddle through. Getting really SICK of Jillian. Seriously sick. But I can’t deny my extremely quickly shaped-up abs. But REALLY SICK OF JILLIAN.


Ali now knows when to encouragingly say “Wow, that’s HARD”, whilst doing it perfectly.

Show-Off.

9/16 – Day Twenty
Pulled my groin muscle. Not sure which of the insidious exercises did it, but in general blame Jillian.

For a funny sounding body part, the groin muscle certainly doesn’t have a sense of humor. It actually makes all of life quite difficult.

Said a secret bedtime prayer that my groin muscle would still be pulled the next day so that I had a legitimate excuse to skip shredding.

9/17 – Day Twenty-One
Dang-IT.

Groin muscle woke up just fine and dandy.

Shredded with an intense and burning desire to shove my weights down Jillian’s throat. Not really sure where all the aggression is coming from – after all, I’m not sore anymore. Maybe Jillian’s meanness is rubbing off on me.

9/18 – Deliverance!!
Being the sacrificial friend I am, I didn’t have a chance to do The Shred because I kept Luke so that Christen could pack for their move, and it just DIDN’T SEEM RIGHT to do an exercise video when being responsible for someone else’s child. Just NOT RIGHT at all.

After all, I could have plank-jacked and accidentally kicked him across the room. Or Ali might’ve if I didn’t.

Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen Thank you Christen!!!

9/19 – Football. No time for Shredding. Darn it.

9/20-9/21 – Life. No time for Shredding. Darn it.

Dear Jillian,

I hate you and I love you all at once. I’ve never felt so conflicted in my affections before, with the possible exception of chocolate. Wow, that’s ironic, isn’t it?

I did your exercise for 21 days, with only one day of break. I wanted to do 30 – I really did – but alas, I am not always as strong as my desires. The only thing I can think about is the way that you yell and scream at the contestants on The Biggest Loser who stop before the last two seconds of what you told them to do. And I know – I have disappointed you immensely. Luckily, as loud and brash as you are, I cannot, however, hear your screaming at me from here.

I DO intend on getting back on your Exercise Wagon of Wretchedness. As soon as life gets out of the way. Oh – and I get back from New York. And get caught up from being out of town. And I may cut down to 3-4 days a week instead of 7.

And again, I can do all this because I can’t hear your screams of malicious anger from here. I like it that way.

But at any rate, I thank you for my new abs, pretty flabby though they may still be. And they ARE guaranteed for 2 years, right?

Sincerely,

Your Dropout-After-21-Days-Failure-Of-A-Student, Rachel.

** Editor’s Note: I lost 4 pounds in 3 weeks, put on a ton of muscle (why can’t muscle weigh less than fat?? Wouldn’t that be a more motivational way of making our bodies?), and I know I lost significant inches, but I don’t measure inches because I stink at being consistent in my measuring technique.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. Kitty Engle says:

    Really, this did not make me want to get up and exercise today as Ashlie and I had planned. Besides, it is raining and we were going outside. Is that a good excuse?

  2. Did you lose inches or pounds at all?? I'm curious to know. ;-)

  3. Yes, I did – I went back and added an editor's note of the stats that I do have on my losses!

  4. I didn't make it 30 days either. It's possible I never made it 7 days in a row. As usual for me and exercise programs, I started out strong, but lacked in the follow-through. Perhaps if I had stuck with it, I would have made the 4 mile walk to and from the stadium this past weekend without feeling like I was on the verge of a massive heart attack and my legs had been set on fire while still attached to my body… We'll just never know.

  5. I didn't make it the entire 30 days either (broke my foot…good excuse right?) but I don't think I can every look at or hear Jillian again…she drives me nuts!!!

  6. Really glad you posted – I haven't heard anyone say they did it (almost) the whole time and saw results. I do it a couple of times a week, skip a couple of weeks… I think you've just inspired me to do it the whole 30 days! Thanks!

  7. Wow! 20 minutes…maybe I can do the 20 minutes. I already ache all over from excessively carrying (because I love the cuddle time) my 43 pound boy. Do you have to do it everyday? Is that the schedule?

  8. Shelly Overlook says:

    I have the DVD but have yet to open it. I was hoping my abs would get more definition through osmosis, maybe? Ack. I am such an exercise loser. I hate it, never stick with it.

  9. This Is The Day says:

    Wow, that sounds horrible…but oddly compelling. I like the pound and inches coming off part! I might have to get that after baby girl comes. It sounds like it would defintely take off those pesky baby pounds!!!

    Oh, and my mom has two scrapbooks full of every post I've ever done, so I figured it would be okay to delete them. :) I am also a scrapbooker so I have done all the big events in our family scrapbook as well as a 1st year book for Kariya and an ABC book of random pictures. I think she'll have pleanty of documentation to look at. :)

  10. Really, I think you did very well… I probably would have dropped out after 3 days. But then I have no willpower.

    Just found my way here bloghopping, and I'm so glad I did.

    YOur headerpicture is just SO beautiful!

    Have a happy Tuesday!

  11. I agree Shred is HARD. I did however make it through 10 min of level one last night instead of 5 mins as I did the night previously. Maybe I can do 15 tonight. Alex really wants me to wait on him to work out. He's still hurting from Day 1, but was unable to workout with me for Day 2. Hopefully I can do this. It's helping me sleep better, and it's good for my mentality too. :) So those are the main reasons why I've decided to work out despite really not wanting to. It's nice to work out though when I'm not worried about whether or not I'm losing weight b/c at this point I don't have the time to count calories or diet. So working out a few min a day is good b/c it's all I can handle. :) :) (Hopefully I can keep it up so I can continue to sleep instead of waking up at all hours of the night.)

  12. Wow girl, I am impressed!

  13. Dang – I'm impressed too! And motivated. Maybe I need to go get a copy of Jillian!

  14. 21 days is great! I'm off right now since I'm headed off to Asheville but then I'm back on Jillian's nightmare wagon as well.

  15. I still have to post my diary on the Shred. I did one day of day 2 and thought I would surely perish. After all the bronchitis and sinus stuff I had, I promised myself I would start back once I learned how to breathe again. Uh, cough, cough. Not today, though.

  16. LOVED reading your diary about the Shred. It's tough, I agree. I am doing it every 2nd or 3rd day because I'm training for a race also and running and doing the Shred in the same day is totally and completely IMPOSSIBLE! Good job on the weight and inches lost. I hope to achieve good results too.

  17. Ha, I lasted 2 DAYS LOL!

  18. Reading your diary makes me very conflicted…I'd love to get the results you did, but I don't know if I'm willing to put up with all the pain to get them. Maybe I should wait a while before I try it out, don't know if I could pick up 2 babies if I'm in as much pain as you were.
    By the way, I'm very glad that keeping my child gave you an excuse to be Jillian free for a day :)

  19. Got it. Started today. Wow! Would not have thought I was so out of shape. Looking forward to building up my endurance!

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